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Confused...

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Liverpool29

New member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Somerset
Reaching out today as I have reached out to my mental health team in the past few days and they haven't really done much to help. I'm a male and I suffer from bpd, since about march I have been starting to feel quite a bit worse then what I used to, a few weeks back I tried to take my own life, I spoke to my therapist and he didn't really seam to concerned, since then I have not felt right, I find it hard to explain but everything doesn't feel real, everything looks hazy and fuzzy. I feel agitated a lot of the time, to points where I find it hard to sit still. The past few days this has got worse, I keep seeing coloured spots float around my vision occasionally I have seen a object that I can see in the corner of my eye start moving like its vibrating then when I directly look at it, it stops moving. I have mentioned this to my therapist and all I have been told is maybe I need my eyes testing. I can understand that if it was just my eyes it could be that, but everytime I have seen coloured spots or stuff move it has been when I have been in a agitated state. I don't think I'm psychotic, I'm not sure what it is? I've been told to keep a note of when this happens and what I was doing at the time. There's apparently nothing currently at the moment they can do due to the coronavirus pandemic, which I don't find fair, I can go in to a pub and buy a drink or go shopping, but I can't get mental health support, I can't enter the building to attend group courses which I think would help. I don't really know what to do really, I drive a car, I work for the NHS in a clinical area and my mental health team are just letting me do this stuff even when I have suggested the idea that maybe I'm not safe to do these tasks. I can't just stop working as then ill have no money. I feel really confused on what to do and any suggestions or other peoples own experiences would be greatly appreciated.
 
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LokiPokey75

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2020
Messages
587
Location
United States
Hi Liverpool29,

I'm sorry to hear that this is what you're going through! It sounds very confusing and frustrating. I don't suffer from BPD, but I have had OCD since I was 13. I've definitely felt things like my head going numb, my brain being on fire, my sight being wavy and unfocused, even having strange, stomach-growling deja vu moments. All of these sensations made me feel strange and uncomfortable.

It's a shame that you've been unable to get the support you need. You might want to try looking into additional therapy, whether in-person or online. Clearly if you're considering killing yourself, you'll need to find someone that feels right to you. This person may just not be good at their job or not the person you feel comfortable revealing yourself to. That's important!

Other than that, I think it's also important to train your brain a little differently. It's easy to see the world being against you. Opportunities for help are less now with the virus, but you can start to see the positive in taking time to heal yourself. Start looking up books about BPD to learn about what you have, post more subjects on this forum to discuss. You may ultimately need medication and that's okay too.

You're a brave person being here, revealing your story to us. Changing the way you view this world, stripping away the negativity, and accepting who you are and how you think will put you on a better mental journey. I know this will be hard for you, but with some effort, it's worth it!

I hope you find the help you need! You are important to this life, Liverpool. Never forget that!

Good luck and stay safe!
 
Mal84

Mal84

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 15, 2020
Messages
1,529
Location
Hovering in the Atlantic
If you feel you really need help maybe try to go through a&e especially if you’ve had a attempt lately?

Have you tried speaking to the crisis team or is it them saying this?

I don’t know about your team but some teams are doing things online to try and fill the gap until things can get back to what us relatively normal.
 
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Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,178
The spots sound like the result of stress, but could be any number of things. Talk with your regular doctor about them, not your mental health team, as they would not be equipped to diagnose.
 
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