- Jan 9, 2020
- United States
I’m new to this forum, so I don’t know where to post it. I’ve never been to a therapist or been diagnosed but I’m just confused about how my mind works. I’ve never been able to truly connect with others. When one of my friend ask to hang out, I think it’s a trap. When someone I don’t like or never talks to me compliments me I think it’s a trap. Every time I made a new friend they left me within 3 months. Most of the friends I’ve kept are disliked by most people. I also will have sudden moments of sadness. I will remember something and will start crying. If someone does something unkind I will start crying. If a retaliate, I feel terrible afterwards. Then there’s another problem. Hissing. I don’t know why I continue to do it, but at this point it is instinctual. If someone bumps into me in the hall I hiss. If someone is telling me off I hiss. Most of the time, I don’t open my mouth. I blow out air through my nose which results in a quiet hissing sound. Sometimes I will even lift my lip up into a start of a snarl. If I’m really mad at someone, I will full out hiss at them like a cat. I will purposely show off my incisors. When I’m in moments of rage, anyone who looks at me will get hissed at. Since I’m not the best at socializing with others, I’ve become lonely. Because of this, any emotion I fill gets a name. For example, my happiness is named Harper. When I’m thinking bad about myself, I blame it on Billy Bob (I know it’s a stupid name, but I name them the first thing that come to my head). I regularly tell myself to shut up. I just don’t know what is wrong with me! At this point I’ve kind of started to accept that I’m not normal.