Confused

A

Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
I'm curious to hear the thoughts of others on this... Do you think therapy is always going to help someone? I was sent to a psychiatrist for the first time when I was 15. I'm now twenty-two and I've bounced around through dozens and dozens of psychiatrists and therapists since that point. I mostly hated all of them and the psychiatrists were useless. They kept me on four antidepressants at a time and I was a zombie. I finally found a therapist I really liked a couple years back and she really helped me. She was also the only one who ever told me what I was diagnosed with when I asked. Bipolar disorder, BPD, major depressive disorder, adhd, and generalized anxiety. As of January, I quit all of my medicines related to my mental health cold-turkey and saw her one last time before I stopped going to therapy. (I'm aware I should have weaned myself off instead, but I'm impulsive and choose dumb routes sometimes). She agreed with me, during the last visit, that she didn't think any of the medications were helping to ease my symptoms. My reasoning behind not going back is I generally felt okay and I didn't think she had much she could help me with. I talk about what I'm feeling all the time now and I just don't see how she could help any further.

At this moment, I feel dread a lot. I don't feel like I did when I was depressed before and I no longer feel the need to hurt myself consistently. However, I'm not necessarily happy and I'm very easy to get worked up and make angry. In fact, some reason issues have led to me just feeling angry 24/7, which makes for some really heated conversations with me. I lack motivation because I feel like everything I do is for nothing, since I will die and nothing will matter. I'm aware this is a problem and I'm considering seeking a new doctor for some kind of resolution, seeing as my therapist can't give me medications. I don't want to rely on medicine if I don't have to, but I'm not sure therapy can be useful anymore. I don't know how much more I can talk about my thoughts and feelings at this point. Should I try it regardless or should I just try finding a new doctor and trying some medications? I know with my BPD I will feel bouts of depression symptoms and pretty much life will suck, but this has lasted a long while now and doesn't seem to be easing up. I'm really at a loss and everyone close to me is pretty useless with this stuff because they don't understand my thoughts on it. Maybe no one here will either, but it was worth a shot.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
What matters in my opinion is a healthy attitude towards yourself, others and life in general. The very core of who you are. This probably means looking beyond the surface of life's obstacles...
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,236
Medication is a tool and that’s it. It is not a failure on your part if you have to take it. It simply is something that will get you steady enough to do the hard work needed in therapy, which will ultimately get you to a healthy place that you don’t need the medication anymore.

Think of it this way: if you broke your arm you wouldn’t walk around without a cast (plaster) on it, or it would not heal properly. Medication is the same way.

Now the difficulty with meds is that it sometimes takes months of trial and error to find the one that works best for you. Hang in there, when you find the right one, or right combination, you will start to feel better and more stable.

But medication isn’t a cure all. It needs to be paired with a good therapist and you have to be motivated to work hard on you. That sometimes means your therapist will say things you do not want to hear. It’s not useful to you and your recovery if they constantly agree with you.

Whatever you decide, I hope it is to invest in you. Be well.
 
A

Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
If I can't quite force myself into looking past the surface and having a healthy attitude, I'm going to assume this means I'm actually depressed. I think part of me might know I am but I'm pretending I'm not. I don't even know what I think at this point.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
If I can't quite force myself into looking past the surface and having a healthy attitude, I'm going to assume this means I'm actually depressed.
It could mean that your present circumstances are that over-whelming. Your present circumstances could certainly be making you feel depressed.
 
A

Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
Thank you. I don't know why but I've become really anti-medication since I quit taking it. I think clearer and I can actually remember things now. It was really easy for people who were my "friends" to manipulate me because I was so foggy all the time. I'm in college and the foggy aspect really was effecting my performance. My doctor wouldn't listen to me, so I just quit them altogether. I do realize I need something for my anger outbursts, otherwise I'm doing myself and everyone around me a disservice.


You did make me realize something that I hadn't quite thought about... I had a very traumatic event occur and last time I saw my therapist, she told me I had to talk about it whether I wanted to or not. She said a lot of stuff I really didn't want to hear. I kind of shut down and I think I quit going because of that. It's been almost a year and I still haven't dealt with it, now that I think about it. This whole time I've been saying I didn't think she could help me anymore, when it was just some weird subconscious ploy to avoid my problems again. Wow. I mean, thanks because I think I needed to realize that.
 
A

Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
You two that are responding to me have opened my eyes a lot. I'm starting to think I'm actually depressed and it's directly correlated to things I haven't dealt with. And, as you pointed out, it could be my present life too. I definitely have been super stressed and consistently wishing to not wake up when I went to bed, because I genuinely couldn't take it as well as I thought I could.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
I had a very traumatic event occur and last time I saw my therapist, she told me I had to talk about it whether I wanted to or not. She said a lot of stuff I really didn't want to hear. I kind of shut down and I think I quit going because of that. It's been almost a year and I still haven't dealt with it, now that I think about it.
If you haven't thought about it in a year, perhaps it's not that bigger a deal (just a thought). One potential problem of labelling yourself as depressed, is it can in my opinion (but again I am not a doctor) lead to being focussed on the depression rather than the bigger issue. The bigger issue being (as an example) the cause of the depression (if that makes sense).
 
A

Amathe77

Active member
Joined
Aug 11, 2019
Messages
32
Location
USA
If you haven't thought about it in a year, perhaps it's not that bigger a deal (just a thought). One potential problem of labelling yourself as depressed, is it can in my opinion (but again I am not a doctor) lead to being focussed on the depression rather than the bigger issue. The bigger issue being (as an example) the cause of the depression (if that makes sense).
That makes loads of sense actually. It's hard not to think that way because my mom is consistently making condescending remarks about me needing medication again and being depressed. I don't really know why I would even be depressed, but I suppose that doesn't mean anything necessarily
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
To me it's about breaking things down. Firstly your physical situation (anything exterior that affects your day to day living). Then there is the inner thoughts (how you feel about yourself and how you relate to others'). The physical situations often need to take presedence over the inner thoughts, although there can often be close ties between the two (again if that makes sense).
 

Similar threads


Top