Thanks Marliee. I hoped it would calm me down so that's why I smoked it.
I feel very confused. I'm suffering memory loss. I've been on 1-1 observation for a month now and it's doing my head in. The whole clinic is. I want to be free. I can't stand being locked up. I have to sleep in seclusion (solitary confinement) and it scares me.
The angry voices are making me aggressive but I don't want the same as yesterday to happen.
I told the staff part of how I'm feeling. They've been really supportive. I was allowed to lie on my bed for 15 minutes with a nurse in my room. And also allowed to eat in my room.
I want to hurt myself real bad. The urge is irresistible and there's nothing I can do.
OK, so you know being honest gives you a little more freedom. Not much at the moment but it does. Carry on talking to them. Of course I want you to say about the voices as I think that will help you but I know that you aren't willing to do that. Just keep on telling them how you feel whether it is happy, sad, excited, destructive etc.
Im not allowed Kerome. It's a danger to other people.
And thanks Marliee I'm trying to ask for benzo's. They just gave me some more.
Tomorrow second ECT. My dad isn't allowed to be there because last time he had to restrain me but he has assured me he is going to be there whatever it takes. He was the only one I recognised after I woke up. Didn't know where I was, where I lived, complete memory loss. Just recognised him. Apparently family has a right to be present. I'm also going to try and get a different psychiatrist.