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confused//scared//guilty 24 /7 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

S

sugarsugar8838

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2009
Messages
3
Location
boston,ma
I'm 20 years old and I have experiencing really evil thoughts sometimes about people i dislike but mostly about the people i love most. i know that sounds sick and twisted. I obviously don't want these thoughts here. I remember going through this weird time when i was in 8th grade and the same thing happned but i seemd to get over it and was normal for a lil while until last month it all of a sudden came back. i woudl never hurt anyone . and why would it only be to the people i love most? im so scared and guilty allll the time ...and i feel as if i can't do anything without havving it in the back of my head. sometimes if im annoyed wiith someone a evil thought might come in. and then i'll b physically sick for days thinking how could I ever think such a thing?!!? everyday every hour..and every second i just hav this giant struggle on my shoulders and theres no way of getting rid of it.
i just wonder if there is anyone ..anywhere that knows whats wrong with me...or if i'm not the only one. i just want to be normal again. :(


::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::confused::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
 
S

saffron

Guest
Hi sugar
welcome to the forum, sounds like you are going through a bad time at the moment, is there anything that happened a month ago that might have triggered this?
we cannot diagnose but maybe able to guide you in the right direction.
also there are a lot of people who experience this, sometimes its due to stress or depression or sometime OCD and a host of other reasons or a combination of all, the thing is you are not alone.
I think if this is affecting your life so much then you should consult your doctor and tell him what is happening to you.
take care
S
 
S

sugarsugar8838

New member
Joined
Jan 25, 2009
Messages
3
Location
boston,ma
thankk you so much for your replyy!
This is the scary thing.. I can't think of anytthing that could have triggered these thoughts. I grew up in a loving home..nothing traumatizing has ever happened to me either. I just feel as if i was born this way. and im just a phypho trying to get out of my own body. This is even more scary typing this out. because usually its just all trapped in my mind. I want to just run away frum myself. once again i truly do not want to hurt anyONE! i know i won't but i feel as if i should be punished for these sick thoughts!
:(
 
S

saffron

Guest
I can understand that this must be very scary for you but I think talking about it will really help. sometimes it could be something very simple that triggers defensive mechanisms, I believe that you are able to control these thoughts and feelings, but I beleive also that it hurts you very much.
Have browse around the forum to see what else people have written about their experiences with this and maybe start a journal, it will hurt you longer if you bottle it up, i think.
sometimes even though these thoughts are disturbing in nature, they do not necessarily mean what they portray. for example, in tarot, getting the death card does not mean that you are going to die, so your feeling towards someone may not be that you want to kill them, but give yourself some freedom away from them, that does not mean you do not love them but you might feel guilty about wanting to get away from them, if that makes sense. This is just my thoughts on things.
But please also see your GP .
we are always here to listen and help the best we can also.
take care sugar :hug:
S
 
G

GrizzlyBear

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 22, 2008
Messages
971
I probably have nothing helpful to say...but have some cyber hugs on offer...
:grouphug:

As to the thoughts.....I know they are extreme but I am pretty sure EVERYONE has thoughts they don't like from time to time. EVERYONE. You sound like you are very anxious about these thoughts which, I think, gives them more space and attention. I know that's what happens with me. If I think even for a second "Oh..today is going to go badly (or whatever other anxiety is waiting in the wings)"...the more I try not to think it the more it takes over my mind.....and yes I do have a crap day. Knowing I have this power to ruin my own day/life worries me intensely...and so it goes round and round from there...

Anxiety has a way of feeding itself. There's help out there but there's such a long waiting list for help...so if you're thinking of asking for it ask for it asap.
 
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