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Confused perception of trauma

carlita

carlita

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Apr 29, 2021
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78
Location
virginia
I'll try and organize my posts. I tend to write long ones when I don't realize it.

My problem is whether or not I actually need help for my trauma. One because I'm not around many people if that to experience external triggers. That, and I'm no longer living at my mother's, so I don't feel like I'm threatened when I'm by myself. Though I do have internal triggers. It really hits me when I'm in a conversation or a tone of voice that sounds like authority, police, things of that nature. Thankfully, I'm not suffering from clinical depression and feelings and behaviors that come with that.

But when I'm around people I do get uncomfortable. Depending on what they say, I just shut down. My co-worker even said "I am not your mother." I'm an adult and still feel like a kid. Most of the time it's "you're fake. you're wrong." type of thing. So anything someone says or does if I make a mistake or they say I don't have memory or so have you, it just makes the trigger worse.

But the thing is, this doesn't happen often cause I'm always in the house. But I do want to work with my emotions (no crying and impulses) and control them. I also want to feel like I can actually finish to something I started.

When I think of PTSD I think of severe symptoms and behaviors (as on this forum) but a lot of stuff is inward more than outward (unless around people or a trigger of some sort like a police car).

I have a long back story that gives context to all of this. For now, though, wouldn't seeking therapy and things like that be more beneficial if I have a way to practice and see results?

Also, I've done a lot of reflecting, journaling, and I can actually get out the house and do things. So, sometimes I think I am just making stuff up.

I honestly don't know. I know trauma can be on different levels but that's a pretty big word to accept.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Anything to help yourself is good. Most people could benefit from therapy, in my opinion, with a good therapist of course. A lot of us would benefit just from a decent meaningful conversation now and then with someone who cares enough to listen. Most of us have some sort of trauma, I believe.
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
78
Location
virginia
Anything to help yourself is good. Most people could benefit from therapy, in my opinion, with a good therapist of course. A lot of us would benefit just from a decent meaningful conversation now and then with someone who cares enough to listen. Most of us have some sort of trauma, I believe.
Thanks. My memory of the whole thing or time I was at home is off and on blur of memories. I'm well enough to go over some memories but what gets me wanting to see a specialist is all the triggers I noticed I'm having. I don't even know. The therapist hasn't called me today, so I'll recall next week. They either don't take my insurance, out of state, or cost an arm and a leg.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Canada
I've never had therapy, just a bit of counseling back when. Something I read recently was about not really needing to remember that much of younger years, as trauma was explained as something that lives on in the present in the body. Maybe that's a "somatic approach" -- sounded good to me though as I seem to recall little from before high school anyway, but then for me high school was over 30 years ago.
 
H

HealingHelichrysum

Member
Joined
May 1, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Minnesota
I'll try and organize my posts. I tend to write long ones when I don't realize it.

My problem is whether or not I actually need help for my trauma. One because I'm not around many people if that to experience external triggers. That, and I'm no longer living at my mother's, so I don't feel like I'm threatened when I'm by myself. Though I do have internal triggers. It really hits me when I'm in a conversation or a tone of voice that sounds like authority, police, things of that nature. Thankfully, I'm not suffering from clinical depression and feelings and behaviors that come with that.

But when I'm around people I do get uncomfortable. Depending on what they say, I just shut down. My co-worker even said "I am not your mother." I'm an adult and still feel like a kid. Most of the time it's "you're fake. you're wrong." type of thing. So anything someone says or does if I make a mistake or they say I don't have memory or so have you, it just makes the trigger worse.

But the thing is, this doesn't happen often cause I'm always in the house. But I do want to work with my emotions (no crying and impulses) and control them. I also want to feel like I can actually finish to something I started.

When I think of PTSD I think of severe symptoms and behaviors (as on this forum) but a lot of stuff is inward more than outward (unless around people or a trigger of some sort like a police car).

I have a long back story that gives context to all of this. For now, though, wouldn't seeking therapy and things like that be more beneficial if I have a way to practice and see results?

Also, I've done a lot of reflecting, journaling, and I can actually get out the house and do things. So, sometimes I think I am just making stuff up.

I honestly don't know. I know trauma can be on different levels but that's a pretty big word to accept.
It sounds like it bothers you and it's affecting your life then I'd seek therapy. Also it sounds like you're downplaying your experiences. Your experience and feelings are totally valid and you don't have to feel like it needs to be 'severe.' Plus wouldn't it be better to seek help sooner rather than later ? I hope you take care 😌
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
78
Location
virginia
It sounds like it bothers you and it's affecting your life then I'd seek therapy. Also it sounds like you're downplaying your experiences. Your experience and feelings are totally valid and you don't have to feel like it needs to be 'severe.' Plus wouldn't it be better to seek help sooner rather than later ? I hope you take care 😌
True. It kind of feels now the experiences are so embedded that I really don't know what its like to feel anything outside of that. That and why would I want to bring up anything if this is all I know.

You know. I've downplayed my experiences all my life (well, now I'm doing it myself instead of others doing it for me and myself included).
 
carlita

carlita

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2021
Messages
78
Location
virginia
I've never had therapy, just a bit of counseling back when. Something I read recently was about not really needing to remember that much of younger years, as trauma was explained as something that lives on in the present in the body. Maybe that's a "somatic approach" -- sounded good to me though as I seem to recall little from before high school anyway, but then for me high school was over 30 years ago.
I believe that. I didn't know I still "had it" until a couple of years ago my body reacted around my mother as if I was a teen. It surprised me actually and depressed me. It feels like something(s) happened cause why would I have that strong reaction if nothing had.
 
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