- May 31, 2019
- Celina, tx
So almost 2 years ago I had a counselor suggest I had BPD... Without much of a thought I dismissed her. Over the past year I have struggled with myself, my identity and most of all with my relationships. I feel so disconected and unable to put into word how hopeless and stuck I feel. Was I always like this..? Is it just thebsituation I am in now? Will it go on forever? Is there any way out? How do you keep going when everything seems to be against you or that the people you let close to you will never stick around.. When will things go bad and leave me a mess again? Oh wait... I think I might be doing it to myself... I obsess over every little thing, I worry the worst will always happen.. I tell myself Im not afraid to be alone, yet im terrified at moving out of my parents when im 28 years old. How can this be my life?? Why do i feel so disconected all the time? Does anyone even care? As I feel all of these mixed emotions and sort all these thoughts if I think rationally I know there is an amazing man in my bed sleeping as i sit here listening to the stillness of the night, but my irrational thoughts always win.. He doesnt love me. I will never be good enough. Im a failure. Why do I even try? He is going to leave me, cheat or he has to be lying about something... I mean what is he hiding? Or is the truth that I am the one hiding... Boxing myself off and self sabatoging because im scared... Am I ready for what life will bring next? Or would it just be easier to slip away...