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Confused and triggered (trigger warning)

J

jamraspberry

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Joined
Apr 11, 2020
Messages
230
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World
After having years of therapy over the r*** I went through, when I hear others say that some celeb victims are possibly liars, it is confusing and triggering. R*** is not a joke at all. Having PTSD, self harm episodes and trust issues for years are no joke. I hate being in a position where I don't know who to believe. It's so triggering and I understand why people don't talk about their r***, who wants to be known as a liar, no one does!
 
8SonDer8

8SonDer8

Member
Joined
Jun 25, 2018
Messages
20
Being triggered is so fucking confusing. I get so impatient and angry and mad at the world for being so often cold and senseless in their reactions to other people's stories.
Why is the default to attack? To assume the worst out of the person telling the story?
I have tried to open up to people I consider friends about painful things... it's always like the weirdest reactions, none of them empathetic or caring... always disbelief. And I ask the same question as you have- WHY-T-ACTUAL-F would anyone make these things up?

I think it's that a lot of people live in a very unaware/somewhat selfish/over privileged bubble that they would rather protect than have burst with the reality of the actual pain and suffering that exists on this planet. Like an 'if MY hero could do this, I lose my identity' thing ... so victim blaming becomes easier than losing their very poor sense of self, security and lack of actual identity.

And then there are (what I think is a very small percentage) of people who do make this kind of thing up. How anyone could lie about something so heinous and painful is absolutely vile and disgusting. Fuck do I know how people like THAT sleep at night.
I want to hope, with empathy, that it is due to a pain even greater and more unimaginable than I could even fathom. That level of need for attention is terrifying to me.

In reality both of these possibilities exist. And that is a hard thing to accept.

There are things we will never know. Ever. And it's why I always turn it internal- why does it bother me? Because only you can know your truth. You'll never know 100% of anything from anyone else other than yourself, and this is ONLY if you're willing to be brutally honest with yourself (as I'm sure you know from dedicated therapy). The trigger is in our fear of not being heard, believed and understood, it is in not having our needs met. It is your empathy and understanding of this horrible trauma that causes you to want to protect and fight for those who are labelled liars.

To me, this shows someone who has taken so much strength from their pain that they are still able to feel for others.

And when I get triggered in this way, what has helped me (and what a journey to even get to this point) is forcing myself to tend to my inner child / the self I was when this injury happened, even if it was a year ago. Telling myself what I wish a really great parent or friend would say to me... which is usually just validating to MYSELF that my story is real, painful, that what other people think of me shouldn't ever take away from the validity my experience. I don't always *feel* these words.... I often blame myself. But with repetition I hope they will become truth.

Maybe remnants of blaming/shaming myself is WHY I react so strongly to other people blaming/shaming other people in similar circumstances as well.

There probably isn't any logic, empathy, understanding or anything that will take away the experience you have to cope with and the triggers that you will have to deal with moving forward/when/where they arise. Or the reality that we live in a world so fucked in it's attempts to suppress pain, that it would rather blame than ask questions, explore or give the benefit of the doubt.

For every naysayer, I hope you read a message of hope, compassion and love.

And I hope that with time this trigger becomes faded for you.

:hug:

(Also, I'm new to this, so if I truly hope I didn't say anything triggering or harmful and that you will share with me if I did. I know some of these may just be the need to vent... but something about what you said really spoke to me and I ended up babbling/philosophizing more than I thought... I'm really sorry. I really just hope you feel better.:redface:)
 
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