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Confused and feel like im getting nowhere

Serz

Serz

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Wirral
I have suffered with Depression, Anxiety and Generalised Anxiety Disorder and OCD for many years. I have tried all sorts of medications over the years and all of them start off ok but as time goes by and I become more immune to them they then the dosage goes up. In the end I am on the maximum dosage and end up taking more than the prescribed dosage just to get relief.
I then ended up taking Zapain just to get that warm fuzzy feeling for a bit of relief. On the last visit to the doctors and upon telling them that I was taking 8x Zapain a day was told I had to stop them or I would end up with kidney liver damage. I have stopped them now but I have also stopped all my other medication as I was on the maximum dose so no were left to go really. I can now feel the emotions I haven't felt for a while as all I was feeling was anger but now I am feeling the lot, anger, sadness, hurt, guilt and above all loneliness and emptiness although technically I shouldn't have any reason to feel like this. I don't want to go back on medication but also don't want to feel like this either. I need a talking therapy but the waiting list is crazy long and that gives me anxiety ringing up and going through the whole thing.

Work is starting to suffer as is my marriage, relationship with my family and friends.

My husband acts like he cares but I do not think he does. He goes through the motions but without the actions I feel of someone that does but the genuiness is lacking.

My family don't seem to realise how serious this is. Neither do my friends. I have come to realise that friends arnt even friends anymore. Well not true ones anyway. They are only ever out for themselves and would rather do you a good turn than a bad. I cant be like that but that's the way I feel like going.

I don't want to die but I don't want to live anymore does that make sense. Please note I am not suicidal and wouldn't do that to my little girl but sometimes sleep is the only escape.

Sorry to waffle my point is do I struggle through no meds, go back on them or are there any other plans you can recommend.

Thanks for listening to me ramble x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,526
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
Have you ever tried any therapy?
I'm sorry your struggling.
 
Serz

Serz

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Wirral
Yes I have tried CBT in the past but I was younger then and didn't really open myself up to it. I feel I would benefit a lot more now but the waiting list is endless.
I just feel like I need someone to talk to that understands me to doesn't judge and believes what I am saying.
Mayflower thanks for replying xx
 
L

Laudanum

Well-known member
Joined
May 30, 2019
Messages
530
Location
Surrey
Have you tried IAPT? You can refer yourself to a private provider and the NHS picks up the tab. The waiting list isn't too long for many of them.
 
Serz

Serz

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Wirral
Thank you I have never heard of it, but I have just had a look and registsed myself so thank you so much ☺
 
M

Mangelina86

New member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
4
Location
London
Hi I am so grateful for all the+replies I am new yea I have had iapt at the moment I feel suicidal taken some codeine phosphate but so low
 
Serz

Serz

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Wirral
Mangelina86, please don't do anything silly is there someone you can talk too xx
 
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