Confused about timing of flash back

Scytaic

Scytaic

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2018
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
#1
Hi! I'm 23 and I have PTSD from childhood abuse when I was 4 (physical and sexual) and last week out of nowhere I began to have another flash back but surprisingly it actually had nothing to do with the abuse (I think - because 1 thought at the time of trauma is definitely being blocked out and I think it was the reason I believed it was happening - like "maybe this happened because he did ??? to me once"?). It's awkward but I kind of have to go into detail because I'm confused about the timing... It was where I was around 5-8(?) and out of absolutely nowhere, I had an unwanted spontaneous orgasm which absoutely terrified me at the time. But the thing is, since 2016 I've had a very big phobia of a condition called Persistent genital arousal disorder which causes spontaneous orgasms. This phobia has seriously consumed my life and I even get psychsomatic symptoms of it a lot. (I think I see now why I have such an obsessive fear of it since this happened to me as a kid and left me traumatised)

So what I'm really confused about is why only now have I gotten this flash back and not back in 2016 when I learnt about the condition? Surly learning about this condition would have triggered this memory/flashback? (Of cause I'm also confused about why I even had a spontaneous orgasm but I'm sure that might come to me one day.)

The only reason I can think of as to why I had the flashback now and not 2016 is because I'm talking about my PTSD with a psychologist for the first time ever and this flash back happened the next day of my first appointment. But I'm very worried because if there's no reason for it to have suddenly happened now, I'm wondering what other flash backs I'm going to have out of absolutely nowhere either. :cry: Also the smell of the air at the time came first before it faded into a flashback and now ever since, every day this week the smell keeps coming to me again and then the atmosphere and I have to do everything to stop it from fading into a full-on flashback again. I'm scared that if I have the flashback again, more memories like the thoughts will be unblocked and I really just don't want to know anymore and I definitely don't want to find out the link to it and my abuse (if there is one). Sorry if any of this is confusing. I really don't even know much about PTSD except what I go through with it but I've never talked to anyone about it so it's kind of hard to communicate.
Thanks to anyone who reads this <3
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
1,248
Location
USA
#2
Sorry for what you're going through.Have you talked about this with your psychologist?Are you working on coping and grounding skills?

Many times once a person starts opening up about things it causes PTSD symptoms to become more intense,such as flashbacks.I suggest you talk it over with your psychologist.
 
S

Scarredmum

Member
Joined
Nov 19, 2018
Messages
12
#3
PTSD is like a jigsaw puzle where you dont hav all the bits. the same thing happened to me. Came out of nowhere its posible you sirpresd it. that what I was tokd when I discuss it.
 
tragicpink

tragicpink

Active member
Joined
Nov 22, 2018
Messages
42
Location
Canada
#4
seeing someone about past trauma opens up a lot of doors for traumatic memories to come back in. i know it can be scary but it's probably a good thing to face these things head on. good for you for seeing a psychologist about your ptsd, i know that that is extremely hard. let them know about your concerns with unwanted flashbacks and they will likely be able to guide you through them. they might be able to give you some tools to help cope with the flashbacks like grounding techniques. inquire about it and just be open and honest about how youre feeling. I hope this was at least somewhat helpful. youre so strong and so brave. thanks for sharing. <3
 
Scytaic

Scytaic

Member
Joined
Oct 20, 2018
Messages
6
Location
Lincolnshire
#5
Thank you so much everyone for replying to me ! You're so nice and I'll ask about the grounding techniques thanks for the advice! <3