• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Confused about the future

E

Emmajane

New member
Joined
May 28, 2016
Messages
2
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. I only recently recently found out that he had a serious depressive episode not long before we got together 7 years ago, and attempted suicide at that time. Since we have been together there has been ups and downs but nothing I considered beyond the normal emotional roller coaster of figuring out life during your early twenties. His history of depression has recently surfaced as he is now experiencing another episode. I feel very confused when I look back at our 7 years together as depresssion has not been a defining factor in our relationship, but I know it will be going forward. I feel a deep sense of mourning for what our life was like just a few months ago, does this just make me selfish and not helpful in this situation? It's also hard because my family do not consider depression a serious illness and think people should simply "cheer up". I certainly don't think like this but their attitude and disapproval adds another level of stress to the situation.
 
E

Evil Weasel

Guest
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years. I only recently recently found out that he had a serious depressive episode not long before we got together 7 years ago, and attempted suicide at that time. Since we have been together there has been ups and downs but nothing I considered beyond the normal emotional roller coaster of figuring out life during your early twenties. His history of depression has recently surfaced as he is now experiencing another episode. I feel very confused when I look back at our 7 years together as depresssion has not been a defining factor in our relationship, but I know it will be going forward. I feel a deep sense of mourning for what our life was like just a few months ago, does this just make me selfish and not helpful in this situation? It's also hard because my family do not consider depression a serious illness and think people should simply "cheer up". I certainly don't think like this but their attitude and disapproval adds another level of stress to the situation.
I think that people who have depression can be just as loving as anyone else. There may be times when it may be very difficult because seeing someone you love in such turmoil can be hard to understand but personally I think that if a partner can't support and love someone at their most difficult times then there is little hope for any understanding from the wider world. Depression is a horrible thing. I hope you manage to find support yourself from other people who have experienced/are experiencing the same thing. all your family need to do is be there for you and if they are worried that your partner might 'bring you down' you can always explain to them how you feel. Perhaps if you can tell them that they need to support you and part of this is not commenting on how your partner is behaving or giving their views on what depression is/isn't, but just be your family like they always have without trying to control any of the outcomes as this makes you feel conflicted.
 
E

Emmajane

New member
Joined
May 28, 2016
Messages
2
I agree. My boyfriend is a great boyfriend. He provides me with so much support and and is a constant source of happiness and companionship for me. I guess I just need to adjust. I am starting to realise that nothing is actually different. It's always been there in the background so why should I think differently about our relationship?
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,861
Location
England
Hi EmmaJane,
Sorry you and your boyfriend are going through this. I am sure your support helps your boyfriend. Has he ever tried counselling?? He could visit his GP and find out the options.
I hope he improves very soon, it's traumatic seeing a loved one suffering. Depression can be very serious, shame your family don't understand. Try giving them some info to read about depression. This will increase their understanding.
Take care
 
6

6ofusathome

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 17, 2016
Messages
303
When my husband and I were dating I tried to break it off with him because I feared depression coming back and I didn't want him to live with a depressed wife. He refused and declared his love for me and we had 12 years of marriage without depression. Now I am depressed and I feel terribly guilty of the weight that my depression puts on him. BUT his continued declaration of his commitment and love help me through my days. He helps by picking up the slack in our home and is very patient.

I did tell him and so will tell you that HE needed to make sure HE was being supported. I am usually the strong and supportive one in our relationship but right now I can't be. So make sure YOU find support. A close friend or 2 that you can talk things out with and share the hardship with.

It helps me to know that even as we grow old together we will both have times when we are sick or weak. I know that at some point he will be sick, having surgery or something and will need to rely on me for more than what I usually do.

Mourning is totally normal!! I have done my own mourning and I am the depressed person!

But also know that this is probably and hopefully a season. He had 7 healthy years. It may take a year or two but hopefully he will get back to being healthy. therapy, medications and probably time will help him in varying degrees.
 
Top