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Confused about my mental health

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Pumpkin17

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
4
Location
Yorkshire
I'm a 21 year old female and for the past year I have suffered with my relationship with food which has been a big burden of my life. I'm obsessed with food and counting calories as a consequence of a failed diet and I'm terrified of gaining weight. I also suffer with binge eating episodes but it has come and gone throughout the year. I think I've always found comfort in food but I've never stressed about it or worried about it so much before. Furthermore, since I started University in September I haven't felt like myself which I think is partly due to the stress of the course that I'm really not enjoying. During college I thrived on the pressure and it got me really good grades but not the stress just makes me do the opposite, I just don't feel motivated at all and my grades are really suffering. Sometimes I think I'm depressed and other times I think it's anxiety, I can't figure out what's wrong with me. I don't enjoy life as much as I used to, I'm very irritable and my relationships with my family and friends are suffering. However I do tend to notice these things and feel worse when I'm PMSing, so i'm unsure whether I have PMDD or whether the PMS just makes my symptoms worse particularly the binge eating and irritability.

Other changes I've also noticed in myself include insomnia, night sweats, over thinking, lack of concentration, low self esteem and social anxiety. I've always been self aware and have always cared what people think but never to this extent before. I constantly feel judged by others including my family and it makes everyday situations difficult, for example I even feel uncomfortable and anxious eating in front of my family and get really stressed out when I'm around other people for too long. It feels like so many things don't seem right but they all point towards something else whether it's an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, stress or some other medical condition, I can't figure it out which is making it ten times worse! Can anyone give me advice on what to do or where to even begin with help? I haven't told anyone about any of these things because I'm too afraid of what they will think of me and I really want to help myself and get back to normal :(
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,915
Location
middle earth
I would suggest going to see your Uni counselling service and see if you can chat through some of this stuff with them. :)
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum!

I agree with pepecat - I think you should definitely go to see someone in Uni. You're very lucky in Uni because the counselling service is freely available; it's not the same on the NHS. I'd make as much use of that as you can.

It sounds as though you're quite hard on yourself and you expect a lot from yourself. That can be self-destructive, especially when it begins to affect your relationship with food. It sounds as though your irritability can be at least partially put down to the fact you're not getting enough calories, and your body and mind are struggling as a result.

It's often a long journey, getting away from eating in a disordered manner, because it becomes a habit; you begin to equate it with a sense of self-worth, etc. ... But you need to come to a point where you are focusing your energies on something that isn't so destructive.

I hope you can switch your energies from food and back onto your grades very soon, but please get in contact with your Uni counsellors ASAP; they'll have seen this many times before and they'll really be able to help you.

All the best.
 
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Pumpkin17

New member
Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
4
Location
Yorkshire
Thank you so much for your support. Yeah I think you're right about seeing my Uni counselling service, they do emphasize a lot on ensuring your mental health and well being in general is ok at Uni, I've just always felt not part of the community because I live at home. I do have every intention of registering now, I just find it difficult to talk about my emotions and I guess this was the first step. Thank you again.
 
pepecat

pepecat

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,915
Location
middle earth
I don't think it matters that you live at home - if you're registered at the uni you've got just as much right to use the service as anyone :)
 
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