For me... BPD is a struggle. Its very much a personal thing. I mean yeah there are certain things that characterise the disorder, but each person can have a possible or 5 or more out of 9 things, and they vary in intensity. It is a hard thing to explain.
The feeling of emptiness. The impulses regarding my eating habbits and dangerous driving. The Self Harming and Suicidal thoughts. The constant mood swings, one hour being cheerful, the next being so down in the dumps that I can barely move. The extreme views of people, like my best friend. One day I will love her to pieces, think she is the best thing in the world for me. The next, for the tiniest reason I will hate her. Really hate her. And then it will suddenly change again and I will love her to bits. The intense feelings of anger and rage that are so hard to get a handle on that sometimes I have to punch a cushion for a while just so I dont take it out on anyone around me. The fear of being abandoned. To the point where when my fiance leaves the room, I feel that I am going to be alone forever and there is noone who can help....
These are just what Borderline is for me. Its a state of mind. Its a physical feeling. It goes really deep.
As for anything that helps... well I have tried medication and have almost given up hope in meds as nothing seems to work, everything I try just seems to make me worse or ill. And I have not yet had any therapy. I was diagnosed in July and put on some waiting lists. But I moved in December and have only just been handed over to a loval Community Mental Health Team for my area this week, so nothing is going to happen for a while.
The only thing that has really helped me is finding someone that you can be completely and bluntly truthful with. Someone who you can just be yourself around and who wont hold it against you if your mood suddenly changes into a horrid one.
Sorry this has been a bit of a long post. I am just having a bit of a hard time at the moment and occasionally I will read a question that sparks something and I just have to write until its out of my system. I hope some of what I have said has helped, and that you may be able to relate to at least some of it. If not then just ignore me. O and feel free to PM me if you want to talk about anything I have written.
Madsheep
