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Confession

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Williamworry

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Jul 25, 2020
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14
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London
Hello,

so.... I have what I call “confession “ ocd . Over the years I have various ocd issues ,health etc. Of late it’s been about my past and the past in general . this week I confronted my ocd and confessed to my parter that 6 years ago when we had not long moved in I had been chatting on apps to other people and , some sexual role play. I also met several people with the intention of sex but I could not do it , my ocd or health and stds kicked in .

my partner was amazing and said it’s fine , the past and not an issue , move on and they are very happy with our relationship and has no problem. This was wonderful to hear , but then the flood gates opened, and I just keep thinking should I say a,b,c,d, do they need to know this , that , the other . And I have this feeling that do they still love is it really all ok? I hate to keep asking him, and non Stop going on .i just want my mind back . Some peace.
i keep a journal and write my feelings down that helps , and we have worked out a way where I text him the issues I have and it feels like once I send the message it’s gone , sounds mad but it helps . We then talk about it .

i am so tired for, it all , I keep thinking I have ruined all Our memories, I have lied , cheated , and broken his heart .
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Hello Williamworry,

:welcome:

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It is difficult for all of us to know sometimes what we should share and what we should keep private.

Also, are we telling about this secret for their benefit or ours. (That is a big one)

Also, looking back and asking why you feel the need to share these things even though they are possibly going to hurt the person.

There comes a point where those dark recesses of our mind are private though, i think. For me, i felt growing up i was not allowed privacy. My diaries were read, phone conversations listened to and i was questioned about everything. I then naturally would tell my mum everything. When it came a time for secrets, essential to a teenager, i found it very difficult and so would have to lie. Even now, over 40, she wants to know everything. I have many secrets now that i keep just so i have my own things that are all mine.

People don't need to know everything and nor do they want to. Our mind is our space of peace and is already full to the brim. Your partner does not seem to mind you adding information to his mind, his space, but i wonder if there will come a time where he doesn't want your secrets in their too.

It is ok to be sitting next to each other in a park, but have your own mind ticking over about things neither of you need to know about. As long as it is not a bad secret, i don't see the need to share unless you want to laugh about it. If it is not enriching your lives, why talk about it? There must be more fun to do, quizes, games, the world.

I am sure other members will have other points of view but that is my feeling now i am older, and have not had enough privacy.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

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I have that too. However, my religion sets clear rules on what should be confessed and what shouldn't. It has helped tremendously, but I do still get the urge at times to 'confess' about everyday things.

Best is to address the anxiety with the right long term treatment.
 
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Williamworry

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
14
Location
London
Hello Williamworry,

:welcome:

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. It is difficult for all of us to know sometimes what we should share and what we should keep private.

Also, are we telling about this secret for their benefit or ours. (That is a big one)

Also, looking back and asking why you feel the need to share these things even though they are possibly going to hurt the person.

There comes a point where those dark recesses of our mind are private though, i think. For me, i felt growing up i was not allowed privacy. My diaries were read, phone conversations listened to and i was questioned about everything. I then naturally would tell my mum everything. When it came a time for secrets, essential to a teenager, i found it very difficult and so would have to lie. Even now, over 40, she wants to know everything. I have many secrets now that i keep just so i have my own things that are all mine.

People don't need to know everything and nor do they want to. Our mind is our space of peace and is already full to the brim. Your partner does not seem to mind you adding information to his mind, his space, but i wonder if there will come a time where he doesn't want your secrets in their too.

It is ok to be sitting next to each other in a park, but have your own mind ticking over about things neither of you need to know about. As long as it is not a bad secret, i don't see the need to share unless you want to laugh about it. If it is not enriching your lives, why talk about it? There must be more fun to do, quizes, games, the world.

I am sure other members will have other points of view but that is my feeling now i am older, and have not had enough privacy.
Hello that has been a great help and I fully agree with you - I have spoken again to my partner just about how I feel and my worry’s - I think this is more of a anxiety than an ocd. And he is soooo supporting and in way fines it a little funny . He had not judged me he is not at all worried or changed the way he is nothing . And he understands why I told him - he knows how my mind works and is fine .
I just feel guilt and that I have let him down broken his heart and the shame . When in fact for him none of this has happened.

I am going to try some yoga and meditation t help my mind relax a bit and I do have some anxiety pills that I have not taken for some time - I was told only to take when needed and I may try that . I have taken on to day had a sleep woke up and forgot all aboutwhat I was thinking about .
But thank you for your support please keep that coming x
 
Tawny

Tawny

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You're welcome
Anxiety sounds spot on to me

If you do find it becoming more of a problem, you could see your doctor as they may be able to refer you somewhere for people with anxiety or crowded thoughts, overthinking, and teach you some skills to control it without resorting to medication.

I think the medication is probably for a panic attack type of situation. They do calm you down but there can be a backlash i have found personally. Keep them for desperate times.

Herbal remedies can be useful and you can buy teas like chammomile or valerian and also essential oils like lavender and some less feminine smelling ones are in the shops too. Places like Boots and Holland and Barret have all that sort of thing in the sleep section, but are just for relaxing you really.

I have a diffuser and put a few drops of lavender oil in it, turn it on and it blows out cool steam. Darkness slows the mind i find. Being alone shuts me up for some reason. Listening to music makes me think and talk even more though. Massage pillows. Lots to try.
 
W

Williamworry

Member
Joined
Jul 25, 2020
Messages
14
Location
London
You're welcome
Anxiety sounds spot on to me

If you do find it becoming more of a problem, you could see your doctor as they may be able to refer you somewhere for people with anxiety or crowded thoughts, overthinking, and teach you some skills to control it without resorting to medication.

I think the medication is probably for a panic attack type of situation. They do calm you down but there can be a backlash i have found personally. Keep them for desperate times.

Herbal remedies can be useful and you can buy teas like chammomile or valerian and also essential oils like lavender and some less feminine smelling ones are in the shops too. Places like Boots and Holland and Barret have all that sort of thing in the sleep section, but are just for relaxing you really.

I have a diffuser and put a few drops of lavender oil in it, turn it on and it blows out cool steam. Darkness slows the mind i find. Being alone shuts me up for some reason. Listening to music makes me think and talk even more though. Massage pillows. Lots to try.
This has been a such a help thank you . Yes meds I don’t want to be on and I only use them for as I call it “ special occasion “ I have a packet of 24 pills and I think still have 19 so to u can see I don’t use them often . And had them an age.
My partner just came in and gave me a hug and said how my anxiety bear and they made me giggle . I will try and get some calming oils and and that kind of thing . That I fact really interests me . Also when I cycle I feel better - I look like a duck on ice but I enjoy it . So each morning I will go for a cycle and then start my day .
Talking to you guys has helped me so much as it dose not feel it’s like some bad secret now - it’s past and it’s history , that makes us and it’s has made us my husband and I stronger thats for sure. He is an amazing person and his support is beyond words - not only with what happend but what is happening x
 
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Williamworry

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Location
London
happy Monday .

Well last night I slept so well . Woke a few times as usual and my mind was clear and in order . To day is the first day of moving on .

I got up at 7 ( As usual) and few domestic bits and then did a 45 min cycle - it’s a walk that I take my dogs on . Each day I will do a cycle and then a dog walk later in the evening . It to hot to do anything mid day time -!; I would be found dying of sun stoke in a ditch lol.

I need to get physically fit as well Got a but fat so this is perfect- after doing my cycle I feel so much better . I come home take dogs out - shower and then relax for a while and I have started some hypnosis videos on you tube just for relaxing etc .

I also use rescue remedy spray once in the morning. Then I will just do my day as I would .

My husband was great for up for work and came and kissed me all ways and say “ have a good day” and cheeky smile .

I know all this will have ups and downs but I feel more in control and time is needed - like having a headache and you take a pill it don’t work right away! Time.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

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I think the medication is probably for a panic attack type of situation.
Or suicidal thoughts or extreme anxiety etc. Some people don't get panic attacks.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Or suicidal thoughts or extreme anxiety etc. Some people don't get panic attacks.
I think the poster was saying they were for anxiety, so i should have said anxiety attacks.

For me, that covers big panics, pacing, heart thumping, any feeling you cannot cope with or when you have reached your limit and need to sleep your way out of a bad state.
 
W

Williamworry

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Messages
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Location
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Yes I agree, i would only take meds when it was soooo bad I just can’t cope. I am trying to do as much herbal things as I can, more meditation , breathing control l excise . And talking with my partner . he has been a wonderful godsend and just helped me so much . It’s all small steps and time , time heals and the past is the past and you move on and it’s part of you but not all of you .thus of course is for my case. Things are changing and I just did not realise there was so much support there . This forum is great and just having thst person or people outside to help and advise .
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

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I know all this will have ups and downs but I feel more in control
We usually try to control things with the compulsions. But right, you did say, I guess, that it isn't ocd. But they are compulsions nevertheless. Maybe you should try to learn how to not have a need to be in control too much, since at the end of the day we aren't in control of anything.

You know what's the worst things about OCD symptoms? It's takes time. Time is one of the most valuable things we have and OCD takes it away. Sometimes I just realise that the compulsions and intrusive thoughts I've had in the last 6 months have meant nothing. They're nothing. And while I've been busy with them, my life has been just falling apart around me.

Control is paying your bills, sleeping at night, eating sufficiently and being kind to loved ones. Not washing your hands, sending unnecessary messages, spending 5 hours cleaning a shelf or washing a dish three times in a row.
 
W

Williamworry

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Messages
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Location
London
Yes , as i Say I feel mine is more an anxiety rather than an ocd, .both areas of course have things In common and cross over . Mine if more guilt , anxiety over the past issue . But with various forms of things I feel better . From excise , pod casts , meditation, breathing techniques. The support of my husband is amazing and he supports me in all of it , seen the funny side of things , the sad side , the issues I have . And he listens if I need to say something . So it’s time , and it will take a long long time I know.
 
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