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Confession...

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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
Are you good enough for you PT?, because deep down that’s all that matters..... many look to judge and in return we wait for their blessings so we can feel happy that someone thinks we are a good person. Well I say Sod that, if you are kind hearted then why should you await approval from anyone but yourself 🙏🙏
I don’t think I’m, and I ever will be. I know but it’s nice just to feel appreciate or that you are enough for someone. Because I hate myself. I don’t think approval from anyone could change how I feel like I despise myself all the time.
 
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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
Have you ever had any counselling or therapy? What sort of actions do you mean?
I had counselling years ago when I was 16, I’m 26 now. My self harm got that bad I couldn’t cope with anything using any other method. I couldn’t even cry. It did improve my ability to express stuff to a certain point but it never took the self harm away or made me feel completely better.
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
634
Location
London
It might be time to have some counselling again, or therapy, that might help you to make deeper changes.
 
Newstartformetoday

Newstartformetoday

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
471
Location
Hull
I don’t think I’m, and I ever will be. I know but it’s nice just to feel appreciate or that you are enough for someone. Because I hate myself. I don’t think approval from anyone could change how I feel like I despise myself all the time.
Despise is a very harsh word PT, can you, or would you feel comfortable expanding on what you believe your floors are?
 
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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
It might be time to have some counselling again, or therapy, that might help you to make deeper changes.
I’m not in a position to have that atm due to the fact that I’m going through a custody battle with my ex husband over our son and if I went to slip up mentally he would be able to use that in court against me as he tried to make me out to be mentally ill before to take my son away
 
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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
Despise is a very harsh word PT, can you, or would you feel comfortable expanding on what you believe your floors are?
Everything. I haven’t achieved nothing in life. I have a shit job which I hate. I’m a shit mom, and I feel like my son would be better off without me sometimes. I don’t even live on my own at the age of 26 I’m living with my parents and that hurts me as i lived on my own since I was 17 and moving back in with them killed me. I can never make anyone happy enough to be with me, they always leave or cheat etc. There is so many flaws I could just list it would go on forever.
 
Newstartformetoday

Newstartformetoday

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 11, 2019
Messages
471
Location
Hull
Everything. I haven’t achieved nothing in life. I have a shit job which I hate. I’m a shit mom, and I feel like my son would be better off without me sometimes. I don’t even live on my own at the age of 26 I’m living with my parents and that hurts me as i lived on my own since I was 17 and moving back in with them killed me. I can never make anyone happy enough to be with me, they always leave or cheat etc. There is so many flaws I could just list it would go on forever.
You write angry and that is understandable given the situation, but remember that situations don’t last forever and the anger and guilt will pass ... I read you comments about counselling, and you words of sacrifice saying you will fight this rollercoaster 🎢 head on to stop you’re Ex trying to convince the court that your ill are the words of a “strong Woman” and a great mother 🕊🕊

and a cliche it maybe, but there are great men and loving and faithful men out there too, you just haven’t bumped into him yet. But when you do He will see the great person you truly are for sure 😊
 
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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
You write angry and that is understandable given the situation, but remember that situations don’t last forever and the anger and guilt will pass ... I read you comments about counselling, and you words of sacrifice saying you will fight this rollercoaster 🎢 head on to stop you’re Ex trying to convince the court that your ill are the words of a “strong Woman” and a great mother 🕊🕊

and a cliche it maybe, but there are great men and loving and faithful men out there too, you just haven’t bumped into him yet. But when you do He will see the great person you truly are for sure 😊
I’m sorry for no reply over the weekend. I had a very difficult time dealing with my current situation and wasn’t about to write on here.

The feelings still haven’t passed they just changed into sadness and anger and I broke again. I’m struggling to come with what I’m going through atm. I just want my happiness back. You see on Thursday my life that seemed perfect the life I build and worked so hard on got destroyed and I can’t cope with that. I’m not a good mother if I’m hurting myself, I’m so weak.

This is the thing I thought I found my happiness in someone just to have it crushed again and it’s worse than a break up what happened and when I tell people how I feel about what’s going on people call me selfish and horrible nobody wants to listen or hear me out.
 
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warnerc987

Member
Joined
Nov 8, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Frederick, MD
I understand what you are going through. I had about 4 years clean from sh and then I did it at the beginning of 2019 had about 6 months and I’ve been trying to stop since about November. It’s hard! Something that helps me is writing on myself where I want to self harm. It doesn’t always work but it might help a little.
 
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