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Confession...

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PandaTricks

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Jan 23, 2020
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12
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England
I broke today. I didn’t self harm for over 5/6 years and today was the first time I have done it again. I just couldn’t take it anymore. And I feel so guilty about it.

I’m writing this on here because I have nobody else to tell this.
 
Acorn

Acorn

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Jan 11, 2020
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722
Location
England
Hi

I understand that guilt but you haven’t failed at anything or have anything to feeel guilty about. You slipped up. And 5/6 years is great. Try to see it as a blip. A stumble along the road to recovery.

Do you want to talk about what pushed you to self harm? What felt too difficult to deal with?
 
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PandaTricks

Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2020
Messages
12
Location
England
Hi

I understand that guilt but you haven’t failed at anything or have anything to feeel guilty about. You slipped up. And 5/6 years is great. Try to see it as a blip. A stumble along the road to recovery.

Do you want to talk about what pushed you to self harm? What felt too difficult to deal with?

I don’t know as it’s a very long story. It was heartbreak and anxiety basically. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and thought it would help me feel more numb but it haven’t. I just want to stop feeling like this.
 
Eleison

Eleison

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It doesn't take away the achievement of all those years. Usually it's something really really intense and difficult that causes things to break.
 
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PandaTricks

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It doesn't take away the achievement of all those years. Usually it's something really really intense and difficult that causes things to break.
I been in so many bad relationship, always unloved, always second best, always felt and cheated on. The last two years I got through a messy as hell divorce and became a single
mom. I met someone and I let my guard down and let him into my life and started to feel like this could work maybe this time I got it right and I don’t think I did and it just broke me.
 
Acorn

Acorn

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I don’t know as it’s a very long story. It was heartbreak and anxiety basically. I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and thought it would help me feel more numb but it haven’t. I just want to stop feeling like this.
It’s interesting to me that the self harm didn’t have its desired effect. That’s something I experienced too, that it seemed to stop working.
 
Eleison

Eleison

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It sounds like everything accumulated and snowballed. It sounds like you criticise yourself a lot?
 
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PandaTricks

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Messages
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Location
England
It’s interesting to me that the self harm didn’t have its desired effect. That’s something I experienced too, that it seemed to stop working.
It used to be my way of copying for over ten years, and it always helped always made me feel better and it didn’t this time. I don’t know why it didn’t help. I just sat there and through about it for over and hour and thought it’s the only way to stop feeling like that but it haven’t.
 
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PandaTricks

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Location
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It sounds like everything accumulated and snowballed. It sounds like you criticise yourself a lot?
Yeah it has, I been having trouble with anxiety lately as well and I’m under a lot of stress a lot of time but today has just crushed me to the point of not being able to cope. I guess when you used to everyone always criticising you all the time it’s the only way you can think about yourself. I can’t even look in the mirror sometimes.
 
Eleison

Eleison

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So sorry to hear that others criticise you so much. That is bound to have such an effect, you've not really been able to develop any protective strategies.
 
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PandaTricks

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So sorry to hear that others criticise you so much. That is bound to have such an effect, you've not really been able to develop any protective strategies.
I’m just sick of never being good enough if you get what I mean. Just for once I want to be enough for someone and it never happens.
 
Eleison

Eleison

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I understand. You are already good enough, it's just sad that those people around you can't seem to accept that.
 
Newstartformetoday

Newstartformetoday

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471
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I’m just sick of never being good enough if you get what I mean. Just for once I want to be enough for someone and it never happens.
Are you good enough for you PT?, because deep down that’s all that matters..... many look to judge and in return we wait for their blessings so we can feel happy that someone thinks we are a good person. Well I say Sod that, if you are kind hearted then why should you await approval from anyone but yourself 🙏🙏
 
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PandaTricks

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Messages
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Location
England
I understand. You are already good enough, it's just sad that those people around you can't seem to accept that.
But I’m not if I was people would think that about me and they don’t. It’s not even the words that hurt the most it’s the actions forward me that break me.
 
Eleison

Eleison

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Have you ever had any counselling or therapy? What sort of actions do you mean?
 
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