- May 11, 2019
In 2018 I had a strange mental condition. I was restricting myself from doing thing I like, eating what I want etc. I've imposed self-restrictions on myself about different hobbies and etc. At one point I've even restrcted myself from trying to get a relationships with some ladies. In june of 2018 I was injured during my sambo/judo training and at some point after getting injured (my hip ligament was damaged) I thought about quitting this sport. In late September 2018 I've made a decission to come back to do judo, but I've continued to impose self-restrictions on myself about techniques I use (no strangling techniques, no armlocks. Only some holddowns and some throws from some grips. BTW that self-restriction about strangles came from late december 2017 and to aproximately to march 2018 I did 3 throws and 1 wariation of one of this throws). Thing which is more like ocd was my fear of buying grocery which was not specially packed. Also I At one point I needed to go to the Library which is less than 2km away from my house.There are 2 choices how to get there: by foot or to go to the nearby underground train station. I used to go by foot. And when I didn't need to go to the library I walked on foot to the train station near the library. When I needed to go somewhere by underground I've refused to go to the nearby train station and decided to go to the next one. As the result I was walking extra 3km a day. Once in December I've acted quite strangely when I needed to put a cattle on a gas stove on the kitchen, but I walked specially around the table and only after that I've placed the cattle on the gas stove. My father saw that episode and told me something like that: " what are you doing? Go read something about ocd". That's when I've partially understood that something is wrong with my mind. The strangest thing was that I didn't realise that my actions where strange and irrational. Now it is much butter than it was at that point. I've continued taking photos, doing judo, listening to music, watching films, using my different knives (I used to restrict myself from using any other knife except of one of my Swiss knives). I would be glad to hear any advices about ocd and situation I had.