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Concerned for a friend (difficult situation) seeking advice



New member
Mar 13, 2016
Hi all, thanks for having me.

My ex girl friend is very troubled and it got to the point of where she ended up harming me and my belongings so I had to leave. I'm very concerned for her and don't really know what ended up going wrong in her mind. She used to be a very gentle and respectful person but that all changed. There are mental issues that people have which don't affect others but when it comes down to harming other people in the manner she did then there is great cause for concern.

I don't want anyone else to go through what I did but there must be something I can do about it? I don't really know which road to go down.


Well-known member
Sep 29, 2013
Hi bedforshire2 and :welcome:

It really depends on what she has... You don't describe her behaviour in very much detail so we can't really tell whether she might be suffering from anxiety or psychosis or whatever. In any case the best you can do is be supportive and encourage her to go see her GP, who can refer her to a crisis team or mental health practitioner. Sudden onset of a mental health problem can be really difficult and frightening for all concerned, but she is still who she was a few weeks ago, just going through a tough time.


New member
Mar 13, 2016
Thanks for the welcome!

Yes of course, I should probably give you an idea of whats been happening. Basically I told her I was tired of the bickering in the relationship and that I wanted to leave in the first instance.... that turned into a full blown argument and she struck me quite badly in the head. I left for 1 week and returned mainly because I'm lazy and had no where else to go and had some commitments that kept me at the residence we both lived at. That was a bad idea as she gradually got worse and worse. She kept up the physical abuse on a number of occasions one memorable one is where she bashed me with a beach tree branch, threatened me with a rock then took the rock and smashed my cars windscreen with it. She smashed my hard drive with over 9 years of memorable pictures and nostalgia

I mean it feels as though I'm just describing an annoyed girlfriend. But that behavior is not normal! Sure if she was a thugish criminal then that sort of behavior would be expected but she was never this irrational or overemotional in the past, as I say, something just switched over in her head.

And asking her to do anything like see a GP is out of the question. Its too unsafe to even approach her anymore. I'm worried for my safety. And my families safety. She is very irrational and telling her she needs help will only upset her more.
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Did her behaviour change before the break up or did it just happen afterwards?

Could you speak to anyone in her family about it?


Well-known member
May 4, 2009
Did this just come out of the blue? It could be her way of dealing with intense emotions (everyone behaves differently, I guess, and if you experience very intense emotion it is normal to feel desperate). That's not to say her behaviour is ok, just my guess at an explanation. Did something else happen in her life to trigger this? We haven't really heard the other side of the story here, either...presumably when you say you were arguing there were problems from both sides? Were you both getting angry at each other/there's a history of miscommunication etc?

All of that aside, I think if you do not feel safe approaching her then I doubt there is anything you can do to help her. If you're very worried for her safety then I think perhaps alerting a mutual friend to the risk might be the best you can do?

Unfortunately, until a person is ready to seek help, there is little anyone can do for them.

Also, I don't think asking someone to seek help needs to be offensive. I mean, yes, it would be extremely offensive (to anyone) if you just said "you should seek help" or "there's something wrong with you". Anyone would be mad about that. But if you say, "I can see how much pain you're in and I don't want you to have to go through this. Have you considered seeking some support to help you deal with it?" Then that's not offensive.

Crazy Lady In Stanton

Well-known member
Aug 29, 2015
Stanton, CA
I agree with summer. Your ex-girlfriend is abusing you. It is completely unacceptable to cause harm to another living being regardless of one's mental health. Her supposed mental illness does not give her the right to abuse you. You don't deserve to be treated like that. Please do what you need to do to stay safe. :hug1:
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