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Compulsive lying..?

mudman55

mudman55

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I think my wife may be a compulsive liar, and I do not know what to do about it..? She makes up the most unlikely stories, which are clearly going to be found out to be untrue. I have tried to gently remind her that it is important not to mislead people, but it makes no difference. I am most worried about the effect it will have on our children, because they also see what she is doing. Is there anything I can do, or do I have to try to take her to see a doctor..? I would appreciate any sensible advice, because I do not want to risk a major breakdown in our relationship, or in her state of mind. Thank you.
 
A

Apotheosis

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I don't know what to suggest - I have known compulsive & pathological liars.

How do you point out to someone that they lying serves no purpose & is blatantly obvious? There must be something going on with them to continually make stuff up. I'm sorry I can't be any more help; I try to practise honesty as best I can. But I have to say that I have sometimes found liars to have been some of the most amusing & endearing people I have met.
 
mudman55

mudman55

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In some circumstances, it could be found to be amusing, but mostly it is just embarrassing. Our friends often ask me questions that I cannot answer, because she has fabricated a story about our family that is quite simply not true. I think most of our friends also recognise the problem, and are generally sympathetic, but I find it hard to discuss it with them..? This is not a new problem either, it has been going on for many years, and I just don't know how to deal with it..? Our children are now at an age when they should understand that people suffer from a variety of illnesses, and if treated the right way, she will be OK. But how do I start without having a confrontation..? I think she needs professional help, but don't know how to tell her.
 
R

Resurgent

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Compulsive lieing

My sister is a compulsive lier, and the way I dealt with it, was to threaten her with the intervention of social services by way of an interview. Thank you !
 
mudman55

mudman55

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I don't think threatening her is the right approach at this point, thank you.
 
R

Resurgent

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Compulsive Liars

My view is
, to scre them out of their complacency they find in lying. This may have to entail the threat of a psychiatrist or social worker. Believe me it worked for me !
 
R

Resurgent

Guest
Compulsive Liars

You may think that by confronting your wife about her compulsive lies, that you will endanger your reationship? I Have found a nearest and dearest has no misgivings in doing the very same to you. Tough love is sometimes the best option.
 
J

jamesdean

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My bf was the most compulsive liar when we first meet but his character was such a cheeky chappie the thing is with a compulsive liar( n I did know one other guy)is you always know whot is the truth not like some of these bullshit stories you here all the time.
 
S

*Sapphire*

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Hi Mudman55 and :welcome: to the forum.

Taking a look at this thread may be of some help to you;

http://www.mentalhealthforum.net/forum/showthread.php?t=4602

In this case I think trying to understand why she may feel the compulsive need to lie is the best place to start. Then look at appropriate forms of treatment for that, which will hopefully help negate the need for her to lie anymore.

I think a sensitive but serious chat about it is the best way to start, without being accusatory, but questioning. And letting her know that you would like to get to the bottom of it, to not only help her, but your children and your relationship. And that you will do all you can to help her do that. But it is an issue that you feel it is time to address as your children are getting older, and wiser. :)
 
mudman55

mudman55

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Thank you, Sapphire. That is exactly what I needed to hear, and I am finding the other thread that you forwarded very interesting. I am sure that I will be able to come up with an appropriate course of action, to help her to start telling the truth, but without experiencing too much 'loss of face'. I will post again once we see some progress...:)
 
S

*Sapphire*

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I look forward to seeing how it progresses, and please feel free to post again if you have any further issues :)
 
M

Manicmarc

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I think maybe my wife is a compulsive liar also...she cant seem to stop herself
 
F

forever

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Lying is not the issue

My stepdaughter makes things up.It is all part of the mental health problem. It is sometimes done to hurt or to embarass or just simply the person just opens their mouth and out comes anything. Its not the person..its the personality..and that is something you cannot change. So Someone says to you 'change your personality.'be out going when you are shy or vice versa...no one can do this. Maybe your wife would like to stop...maybe if you try to understand she is just wanting to draw attention to herself. If she wants to stop ...you could suggest some counselling but she has to want to, not YOU. Let people you know understand she is not doing it on purpose..and that she gets confused. To argue or point it out in a criticsing way will just damage her self esteem further. Love her and love her lies and you might find more peace with her and yourself.
 
S

*Sapphire*

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Its not the person..its the personality..and that is something you cannot change. So Someone says to you 'change your personality.'be out going when you are shy or vice versa...no one can do this.
Actually I wholly disagree, shyness and lieing can all be a part of lack of self esteem or originate from other issues, which I feel and have seen being rectified with some confidence building, and appropriate treatment. One of my friends used to deal with extreme shyness, however you wouldn't know it now her circumstances have changed and she grew in confidence. I think if you tell someone that they can never change you are unneccessarily condemning them.

Maybe your wife would like to stop...maybe if you try to understand she is just wanting to draw attention to herself.
How do you know that she is doing it to draw attention to herself? If you looked at the link I posted there are a whole variety of reasons that people may lie. It is not always about attention seeking. You do not know her, and my response to mudman was to approach it in a questioning way rather than an accusatory way. Presuming the cause of lieing can actually be very damaging.

If she wants to stop ...you could suggest some counselling but she has to want to, not YOU.
I do agree with that, however I see no harm in letting her know that it is effecting her marital relationship as well as the relationships with her friends and children.

Let people you know understand she is not doing it on purpose..and that she gets confused.
Again how do you know that? Everyone is different.

To argue or point it out in a criticsing way will just damage her self esteem further.
As I said in my post, question don't accuse, and I think in response to other posts on this thread mudman55 had already said that accusing is not the way he would like to approach the situation.

Love her and love her lies and you might find more peace with her and yourself.
If that is how you choose to deal with your relationship with your daughter then go ahead, but everyone has different limits. Plus if my friends had not challenged some of my issues, I would not be the happy person I am now. It may well be that his wife is unhappy about lieing so much, but does not know how to approach it. Sometimes understanding, and helping someone overcome some of their issues can actually be of benefit to them in many aspects of their lives. Sometimes just throwing your hands up in the air and saying 'whatever' may be the easiest but is not always the best way. :)
 
Last edited:
intelgal

intelgal

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The lying could be a coping mechanism ..

prehaps a symptom of low self esteem?

Response to a stressful situation. Maybe symptom of depression?

Not offering this as a diagnosis but a possibility??

Others may use complusive spending or self harm or drink etc and the lying has developed into a something she can use that she is in full control ofand therefore comforts her inner self

Not sure but I think a gentle approach is necessary

Good luck:flowers:
 
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