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Compulsive Liar? *LONG STORY*

G

Grotesque

Member
Joined
May 7, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Wisconsin
First of all, I am very happy to have found this forum. I was debating whether to put this is the relationship section or this one because this involves trying to get my boyfriend back.

Anyway, I am bipolar, but I am managing pretty well. My boyfriend of nearly a year broke up with me because he thinks I am a compulsive liar. I am open to it if it's true, but I don't think I am at all. It seems like no matter what I say, he picks it apart and uses it to demonstrate that I lie constantly. There are three instances lately that he's been stuck on.

1) After he broke up with me, he encouraged me to see other men. His father reassured me that being with other men might make him want to be with me again. Now, I honestly didn't want to see other people at all, but anything to get my sweetheart back. I went to a bar that an ex "fling" of mine works at and he was glad to see me. So that night he started really pushing the whole "girlfriend" thing on me. He was introducing me to people as his girlfriend and everything was moving so fast. I was trying to convince myself in my head that he was my boyfriend but the feelings weren't there.

So I came home and talked to my ex and mentioned my "boyfriend" casually. Now, when I said it, I had in mind the fact that I didn't think of him as my boyfriend, but I said it anyway. I had no intention to hurt him. I just said boyfriend and thought nothing of it. I told him he was never my boyfriend. Now he is saying I lied because both things cannot be true. In my mind it is... it makes perfect sense to me. Does this make me a compulsive liar?

2) I told him online that I would be home, "Probably tonight." "By 10". I ended up coming home much later due to deciding to walk home rather than get the ride. I didn't think anything of it, because I said "probably" be home, not "definitely" be home. He is saying I lied about that because I said I would be home by ten.

3) I said equipment when I meant "things in my backpack". He says I lied.

I don't see anything wrong with what I said or did... I didn't tell him any lies, but he is so intent that I need professional help for my lying.

What should I do? He says I need to admit to being a compulsive liar and get professional help before he will work things out with me.
 
Astrid

Astrid

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
75
Location
USA
I don't think you are a compulsive liar. I think your boyfriend (or ex, whatever he is) picks apart things you say in an attempt to pick fights with you over trivial things. In my experience guys do this because they want to break up but don't want to be the "bad guy" so they start picking fights with you hoping you'll break up with them first. Of course if you're already broken up and he still does this then maybe there is something else behind it, I don't know. I call it being passive-aggresive, regardless.
At least this is what I get from what you have said in your post.
 
G

Grotesque

Member
Joined
May 7, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Wisconsin
Astrid - Thank you for taking the time to read my post and put in your two cents. Yeah, we are broken up but we work together as business partners so it's hard to stay away from each other. I looked into compulsive lying with a real open mind, and like you, I just don't see it.

Though, one could make the argument that I contorted what I wrote to make me seem right but I put everything as it happened. It's such a mess.

He still insists that we can't move on together until I get professional help.
 
Astrid

Astrid

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 24, 2010
Messages
75
Location
USA
Well yes working together complicates things. Personally I would rather go through a wood chipper feet first than work with any of my exes.
I think it is interesting that he keeps insisting that you need professional help. Usually relationship problems are not all the fault of one person, or of any issues one person have. It's always easier to put it all on the other person. But.."it takes two to tango", you know?
 
G

Grotesque

Member
Joined
May 7, 2010
Messages
16
Location
Wisconsin
Astrid - Absolutely. He won't admit to his faults at all. He always tells me I am the sole cause of everything. Your insightful comments are making me realize that perhaps, it really ISN'T my fault and maybe I am not a compulsive liar. Perhaps he has some personal issues to deal with.

Maybe he is taking advantage of my bipolar disorder to make me out to be the bad guy.
 
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