Complex ptsd. Wow what a fun disorder eh ?

Bitterdregs

Bitterdregs

Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2018
Messages
14
Location
Michigan US
Well...my situation is complex and I could post in several of the forums on this site.
I’ve come a long way with this disorder in the past 12 years. It never seems to be enough for other people. They only see the parts of the disorder that remain. You never hear “ wow ! You can ride in a car now ! Good job !” You only hear “ well I don’t understand why you can’t use public transportation like everyone else ! “. People are fun aren’t they ? Clueless unless it’s happened to them.
So... I was in online counseling with better help. Several years. Lots of money spent. My councelor left and I had to update my profile and look for a new one. Upon updating I got a notice saying they would not take me, that I should be seeing an in person councelor. I said I’ve been using this site for years and it’s helped me greatly. They said a councelor had reviewed my application and denied me for the site. But...they took me before and my issues were the same..... it didn’t matter. I got dumped. I’ve spent thousands there. Apparently ptsd and panic disorders are more than they can handle even though their councilors claim they can on the website.
I told them I can’t see an in person councelor because I can’t drive or walk and the nearest is 10 miles away. “ oh you qualify for med transport”. Well...that is part of my issue....I can’t get into a vehicle with people I don’t know. Not to mention I’m terminal and my immune system is insanely low. It would be very risky even if I weren’t phobic of riding with strangers.
So yah. I got dumped by my counseling site online at a very stressful and bad time. I felt very betrayed. Used. My trust of people regressed. I used to self harm and hadn’t done it for years since I had online counciling. I didn’t know what to do. So that started again. Once. They set me back years. I was angry...now I’ve just settled into a realization that this is my life. Apparently I’m too messed up for even shrinks to deal with. I’m a joke of a human being. That is not being said to garner affirmations, it’s simply the truth by what current society dictates I need to be.
I am in kidney failure. I don’t have much longer to deal with this. But still 3 to 5 years I suspect depending on what my body decides to do. Really I guess the complex ptsd/panic now revolves around stability. Being dependent on others which mortifies me. Having a roof over my head. Not knowing what some person in my life may do next that will effect me adversely. The helplessness of it all. My only hope right now is to buy a used rv to assure myself a place to live. So... lots of stress. It’s a game against the clock and the wildcards ( people ).
Right now... I’m scared to death I have said something wrong and my post will be removed or I’ll get banned. If that is the case...please at least be humane enough to tell me why.
 
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Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
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11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
BitterDregs, :welcome: to the Forum and don't worry about your post being inappropriate. Your post is just fine.

I'm sorry you are so sick. Getting a used RV sounds like a good idea. I've always wanted a used RV. Really.

I'm sorry your counseling got interrupted and you cannot benefit from it anymore.
I am partially disabled and depend on other people for many things. It was a challenge to surrender.
affectionately, Poopie
 
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Bitterdregs

Bitterdregs

Member
Joined
Aug 2, 2018
Messages
14
Location
Michigan US
Thank you. You guys here are going to be my support now and I very much appreciate it ! Hopefully I will be of some use here as well. ☺
 

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