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Completely Lost In Life

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bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
No friends, no qualifications, no job. Lost & alone. Currently living in a very difficult situation with my Dad & bro - It's only a matter of time before I'm not allowed to live here anymore. Right now, I have absolutely no clear path of what I want or what I want to do in life - The future feels murky, confusing and glum. All I know is that I cannot stay in the situation that I am - I need change.

My only 'possessions' are two lovely bunnies [who I could leave in the care of my Dads girlfriends' daughter] and £10k.

I'm not really sure if I can formulate a precise question... Everything feels quite painful. Does anyone have any advice?
 
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Rose19602

Guest
Hi bonobo,

Advice?....no not really, but plenty of sympathy for your situation.

Housing problems and lack of security is a real worry and no clear path to follow or support (financial or emotional) makes things incredibly hard for you.

Sometimes I think we have to tackle one thing at a time....the easiest one first to encourage the formation of a bit of confidence....and accept that change takes time, planning, determination and sometimes luck!

£10k isn't a bad nest egg though. Could you put part of it to good use and put it towards some training or rent.... or even the services of a life coach....look in the local press.....who could help you get started.

Welcome to the forum btw!
x
 
B

bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
Sometimes I think we have to tackle one thing at a time....the easiest one first to encourage the formation of a bit of confidence....and accept that change takes time, planning, determination
Thank you - I'm going to try & keep this in mind as I move forward x
 
ThereDone

ThereDone

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
10
Location
Sweden
My advice to you is to speak to your dad and ask for his help in this situation:

* Explain your feelings to him and say that you need to keep living with him.
* Try to keep tensions low and make sure that you help out in the home and you wont be kicked out. It's normal for families to keep their kids home until they're as old as 28 now because of how sick our society has become.
* Get into a daily rhythm, a schedule which you follow religiously. Get up -> make hot drinks -> Get dressed -> Do A -> Do B -> Rest -> Do C, ect... For maximum productivity with musical instruments for instance you should aim to have at least 2 hours of activity then around 5 minutes of rest where you do something else - but that depends on what you're doing too. Never stray from the schedule - because that's when things start going to hell.
* You'll need to be cunning to get a job these days: Most search for jobs on the net but very few check the newspapers for open positions (especially if it's newspapers you pay for). You might be able to find something there or at least something that can get you into an internship (not that internships are good options for people like us who have a hard time making friends). You must be opportunistic and go the extra mile for the employer.
* If you have a drivers license for regular cars you can probably get into a course that will earn you a truck license and move cargo. It's a lot of traveling, and its own unique lifestyle but you'll earn a decent wage since there's always something that needs to be hauled somewhere.
* The only way to find friends to to cruise around. Going to courses, concerts, events, be active in communities will earn you a few reliable acquaintances and if you're lucky a friend. Hell even getting a job will let you meet people that you can stand for more than 3 minutes, but unfortunately also people that you wont. Since you got a girlfriend you're absolutely not beyond hope though.

That is all I can think of at the moment, I hope this helps.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
You've already been given some pretty good advice here from Kitty and ThereDone.

I'd say that if you're in a position where you can live without having any financial pressure to find a job (and it sounds as though you are), i'd probably look into getting qualifications first.

Going to a local college and doing a course will not only help you get qualified, it might help in terms of confidence, making new friends and getting into a routine.
It might help give you a sense of purpose.
Plus, finding a job is tough and getting some qualifications under your belt will help give you a better chance.

I'm sorry you're feeling lost though.
It's easier said than done but try not to let things stagnate for too long, otherwise it gets more challenging (but not impossible) to change things up.
 
B

bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
My advice to you is to speak to your dad and ask for his help in this situation:

* Explain your feelings to him and say that you need to keep living with him.
* Try to keep tensions low and make sure that you help out in the home and you wont be kicked out. It's normal for families to keep their kids home until they're as old as 28 now because of how sick our society has become.
* Get into a daily rhythm, a schedule which you follow religiously. Get up -> make hot drinks -> Get dressed -> Do A -> Do B -> Rest -> Do C, ect... For maximum productivity with musical instruments for instance you should aim to have at least 2 hours of activity then around 5 minutes of rest where you do something else - but that depends on what you're doing too. Never stray from the schedule - because that's when things start going to hell.
* You'll need to be cunning to get a job these days: Most search for jobs on the net but very few check the newspapers for open positions (especially if it's newspapers you pay for). You might be able to find something there or at least something that can get you into an internship (not that internships are good options for people like us who have a hard time making friends). You must be opportunistic and go the extra mile for the employer.
* If you have a drivers license for regular cars you can probably get into a course that will earn you a truck license and move cargo. It's a lot of traveling, and its own unique lifestyle but you'll earn a decent wage since there's always something that needs to be hauled somewhere.
* The only way to find friends to to cruise around. Going to courses, concerts, events, be active in communities will earn you a few reliable acquaintances and if you're lucky a friend. Hell even getting a job will let you meet people that you can stand for more than 3 minutes, but unfortunately also people that you wont.

That is all I can think of at the moment, I hope this helps.
Thank you for replying :)

Unfortunately, the situation here is such that it is very bad for my mental health to be here. I need to somehow get out. My brother treats me pretty appallingly and my relationship with my Dad is complicated at best.
Keeping to the schedule sounds logical - I'll make one tonight although the thought seems so daunting.
I don't have a girlfriend; I'm a woman. I don't have a drivers licence, though I'd love one.
 
ThereDone

ThereDone

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2015
Messages
10
Location
Sweden
No problem and don't worry about the schedule: Most likely you've lived according to some natural schedule up until now anyway or at the very least in periods. What you'll do is to earmark specific intervals for activities you might want to accomplish. One of the few things you might want to do is to earmark some hour to search for jobs or maybe take a walk during the day - but it's also prudent not to abuse it by putting in too much stuff. Start small and work your way up and you'll see that it'll be easy.

You'll pull through.
 
B

bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
No problem and don't worry about the schedule: Most likely you've lived according to some natural schedule up until now anyway or at the very least in periods. What you'll do is to earmark specific intervals for activities you might want to accomplish. One of the few things you might want to do is to earmark some hour to search for jobs or maybe take a walk during the day - but it's also prudent not to abuse it by putting in too much stuff. Start small and work your way up and you'll see that it'll be easy.

You'll pull through.
I really appreciate that - Thanks. Hopefully someday I'll be able to tell you that I'm doing better x
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
this thread describes me to a tee i havnt a clue whats going on bpd has got the better of me im afraid
 
B

bonobo

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Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
this thread describes me to a tee i havnt a clue whats going on bpd has got the better of me im afraid
Wish I could help you, friend. At least we're not going through it alone.
 
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ricko4

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Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
Wish I could help you, friend. At least we're not going through it alone.
l lose self destruction button pressed a while a goi di know where i was going mate i had a job 6 months ago a good 1 too but ive managed to lose that through BPD and im afraid of whatelse i wil
 
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bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
l lose self destruction button pressed a while a goi di know where i was going mate i had a job 6 months ago a good 1 too but ive managed to lose that through BPD and im afraid of whatelse i wil
Been there, buddy. Me too.
 
R

ricko4

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 7, 2014
Messages
179
Been there, buddy. Me too.
but i can see light sometimes at the end of the tunnel then am lost again for weeks i dont even know how to think about a certain thing lost
 
B

bonobo

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2015
Messages
131
but i can see light sometimes at the end of the tunnel then am lost again for weeks i dont even know how to think about a certain thing lost
Yeah, I totally understand.
x
 
S

stewart.m

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2014
Messages
19
start doing things that make you happy im in the same boat my life is a train wreck to and i make sure i keep active and lead my life as best as i can be your own best friend
 
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