Compatible or not?

Confusedandlabeled

Confusedandlabeled

Active member
Joined
Sep 26, 2018
Messages
28
Location
Uk
#1
I've been wondering for a while . .should two people with similar mental health issues date?
I've always been with people that have similar diagnosis to me but I can't hold down a relationship. My relationships are always abusive (both sides) where we literally fight for dominance or one of us goes through a relapse where we're paranoid , anxious and depressed. I don't know what to make of it , is it because we're both in the same boat? Opinions appreciated 🤔
 
C

Candy19

Guest
#2
i guess it can work if you encourage and help each other along the way, but depending on the severity of both sides as you say it could turn abusive, I don't think it's sensible especially when it comes to personality disorders for people to clash, I've had friendships with a similar diagnosis to me and we ended up triggering one another which caused us both extremely bad episodes
 
Confusedandlabeled

Confusedandlabeled

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Joined
Sep 26, 2018
Messages
28
Location
Uk
#3
I have been thinking that myself but it's awkward when you can't seem to find somebody that you haven't met whilst sectioned - in my case but yeah I get that me with another antisocial or narc pd will always be unproductive . Thank's for sharing your experience and thoughts
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
308
#4
I've been wondering for a while . .should two people with similar mental health issues date?
I've always been with people that have similar diagnosis to me but I can't hold down a relationship. My relationships are always abusive (both sides) where we literally fight for dominance or one of us goes through a relapse where we're paranoid , anxious and depressed. I don't know what to make of it , is it because we're both in the same boat? Opinions appreciated ��

Confusedandlabeled, I truly feel for you, but I think candyfloss has given you some really wise advice.....

From my experience, it is partly down to the type of mental health issues one has and how they show themselves (symptom-wise) and partly down to how compatible you both are as people - i.e., are your personalities likely to clash or are they likely to provide mutual support?

Regardless of how compatible people are, there is always a risk. As candyfloss points out the severity on both sides can lead to relationships becoming abusive - that can be dangerous for one or both of the partners.

There are other serous risks. The person I felt most at ease with and most deeply in love with (when I was very much younger) and who made me feel most at ease and most deeply loved, shared a similar vulnerability for suicide - sadly, that parted us forever. Decades later I am never sure what is greater - the memory of a wonderful shared love that still burns inside or the sense of pain and loss that often returns to haunt even my best moments.

I apologise if this is at the most extreme end, but my experience is not unique - it has happened in a number of lives of friends and those I have worked with over the years.

I guess, you have to decide, as in all relationships, what risks you are prepared to take - and only you can measure these against what you hope to gain in reality or maybe what you aspire to gain in your wildest dreams.....
 
Confusedandlabeled

Confusedandlabeled

Active member
Joined
Sep 26, 2018
Messages
28
Location
Uk
#5
I agree . I think i'm destined to be alone anyway . My problems would deter the devil himself .
 
L

LittleEll

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Joined
Nov 27, 2018
Messages
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Location
Staffordshire
#6
Hi!

I know it’s a late reply but better late than never.
I have EUPD and my partner has ASPD. It goes without saying that we both have what is almost completely opposing diagnosis and what some would think is an inevitable disaster however it’s the most functional relationship I’ve had. We have had some serious issues, however I find that as with all relationships, communication is essential. Since with his diagnosis he can be extremely inconsiderate of my feelings and I am often inconsiderate of his because we understand things completely differently. But when we talk and I say sorry for being so angry I was having a bad moment, he will understand and the same applies the other way round.
My past relationships have been with people with no mental health issues and have been extremely toxic- often because I am so easy to manipulate and be taken for granted because of how deeply I feel for people. Surprisingly someone with a disorder that has a diagnostic criteria for manipulation and abuse, it’s been the best one yet as those issues are identified and we work on them together. If you find someone who wants to build with you and move forward with you, rather than competing over who’s worse and constantly making each other victims, then it works.
 
G

guacima

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Odessa, WA
#7
I've been wondering for a while . .should two people with similar mental health issues date?
I've always been with people that have similar diagnosis to me but I can't hold down a relationship. My relationships are always abusive (both sides) where we literally fight for dominance or one of us goes through a relapse where we're paranoid , anxious and depressed. I don't know what to make of it , is it because we're both in the same boat? Opinions appreciated 🤔
I think its better if you talk to each other and figure out what to do or make a plan how to handle your emotions. If that wont work seek guidance of a specialist.
 
P

propheze

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2019
Messages
1
Location
United States
#8
I've been wondering for a while . .should two people with similar mental health issues date?
I've always been with people that have similar diagnosis to me but I can't hold down a relationship. My relationships are always abusive (both sides) where we literally fight for dominance or one of us goes through a relapse where we're paranoid , anxious and depressed. I don't know what to make of it , is it because we're both in the same boat? Opinions appreciated 🤔
I believe everything will be solved when you talk to each other and figure out what to do. If this wont work then go to a specialist.