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Comparing myself / getting angry about boyfriend's past

L

Lizardqueen

Active member
Joined
Aug 9, 2018
Messages
37
I'm really struggling during lockdown with comparing myself to my boyfriend's exes. Although most people tell me I'm very attractive, I can't help but notice my partner's exes were all blonde haired and blue eyed, while I'm dark haired with green eyes.

Sometimes I can go weeks without thinking about this then suddenly I'll try to push my partner away, telling him to go back with his exes (who he wasn't really in a relationship with) and I pore over their pictures until it eats me alive.

At the start of the relationship he was still messaging a few of them as a friend (I saw the messages) but he hadn't told me he had been with them until I found out by snooping later. This really affected my trust and triggered me as I've been badly betrayed by at least 3 ex partners.

But fast forward six months and I'm still struggling with the situation, thinking he prefers anyone, no matter how attractive or unattractive) if they have blonde hair. It drags me down so much and I fear I'll never let this go.
 
B

bpd2020

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,535
Location
England
Hello Lizardqueen. If your partner wanted to be with his ex's then they would not be ex's. It is possible to like more then one type of person. My current partner is the first white man I have had a relationship with. I do not compare him to my ex's.

I am sorry to say, you are pushing your boyfriend away by how you are acting. By saying he should go back with them and looking at their pictures you sound like you are self sabotaging.

I can understand you feeling upset he is still in touch despite telling you he was not.
 
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