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comorbid borderline schizoid.

Gethsemane

Gethsemane

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Comorbid borderline schizoid does anyone else have this?
I would first like to start this post by making it clear schizoid is not schizophrenic- sufferers may be mistakenly diagnosed with autism instead and it is quite rare by itself.

I have been told by professionals I have schizoid/bpd after initially bpd only for PD diagnosis which I had suspected due to not fitting autism.
This mixture is as contradictory to live with as it sounds on paper- I want nothing more than to care for someone even my own family yet have no/limited empathy that makes doing so virtually impossible.
I only enjoy being by myself and not around others due to this near physical like draining feeling when around other humans IRL.
I have typical bpd behaviour but a favourite person is extremely rare for me and strangely enough only ever through online despite having close relationships with people in person and never feeling anything for them.
I feel like an alien- I feel i am in a constant tug of war with bpd wanting me to care for someone yet being unable.
If you did not get upset when a caregiver was ill nor felt anything at all due to a lack of emotional connection how would you feel? Like someone with ASPD a sociopath or something of that sort.

Does anyone else have these two disorders combined?
What is the experience like for yourself?
My psychologist has said they find the way I think interesting and I do not blame them because this is not a typical atypical personality trait cluster!
I am hoping to relate to someone else but thank you for reading my thread I relate to usual bpd types as well.

-I do not get angry at all only at myself or if someone harms someone I care about
-I do not know what loneliness feels like but think it may be what being near people is forme which is terrible feeling so sorry lonely posters
-I have to intentionally show facial expressions and body language meaning it is tiring to behave conventionally with others face to face but I can do it fine and IME better than average.
-Not having empathy does not mean I wish harm or harm others at all I would not want to cause suffering as I know what suffering feels like for me.
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Tawny

Tawny

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You think a lot
Lots of detail
I understand that need

I stopped reading about mental health eventually and focused on me as unique, not words in the ICD. I hate mental health 😂 but I like people
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Dear Gethsemane,

I do not suffer from a personality disorder that I know of, nor am I a psychologist. However, I do know some things about it. I personally do not think you have Schizoid personality disorder. First off, your claim that you lack empathy is completely baseless. If you claim that you feel a strong desire to care for your family, that is basic compassionate empathy in of itself. Likewise, not wishing to see other people hurt, based on your personal experience of pain is an extension of empathy. Feeling emotionally overwhelmed by the presence of other people is a common sentiment in BPD, but not the Schizoid, who would simply feel indifferent towards the presence of other people. I may be wrong, but I believe that the emotional pain that you experienced from your BPD has lead you to live a sheltered, solitary life where opportunities for emotional growth and maturity were reduced and therefore you have not yet developed the skills necessary in managing social relationships.

But this is all academic and overthinking it will only lead you to analysis paralysis. When dealing with mental health, think about concrete steps that you need to take in order to maximise your chances of recovery. I think you would really benefit from a course of DBT. Learning the skills required to manage social relationships as well as your own emotional reactions will help you to grow and mature and eventually gain insight into the human condition such that you will be able to attain your goals whether they are work or family related
 
Gethsemane

Gethsemane

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I hate mental health 😂 but I like people
I also dislike labels and defining anything non conventional as a disorder even in cases where it does not cause significant stress alone.
We as a society are too quick to blame an individual to be the one causing their own dissatisfaction without considering the world itself may be the problem.
Mental health is yet to be explained using the scientific method so to treat the DSM as gospel is foolish, I have met many who allow their labels to limit them.


I personally do not think you have Schizoid personality disorder.
I myself would not claim with certainty I do either yet I understand why it can appear that way considering I can go a year without any interaction of any kind not feeling lonely and possessing a blunted affect etc etc, at the end of the day I am me and not a cluster of diagnoses regardless of if I have the traits that fit certain groupings.

I think you would really benefit from a course of DBT.
I have done DBT and there was some great things I learnt.

My longing to feel for others such as family is selfish due to realizing how nice it can feel and my stance on harming others came after some serious thinking.
I used to not be such a nice person if I benefited but I can rationalize why this is wrong :)
I am indifferent to others which makes me hate myself, all is confusing.

Thank you for the reply it gave me some things to think about.
 
W

walkingby

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Hi Gethsemane!
Just joined the forum, I don't interact much but, you know...
There is much info and opinions about these two not being comorbid, borderline has such a bad name, but I think the mind is such a strange and complex thing. Personally I was diagnosed with both a long time ago. The borderline aspect is much more controlled by now, curiously, I think the schizoid part helped a lot. It is very confusing really having those, but maybe I get what you say. The wanting to care for your family or someone and feeling bad not being able to is appalling, for me is that I know (like in the level of knowledge) or I have been continuously told that I SHOULD care for someone, like family or a friendly person, I know I should, but I can´t. And also, in the rare event I like someone is a huge mess and cant react normally or connect, but is rare, I prefer to be alone. I have two friends whom I love but rarely see and in the end I don't feel really connected to them.

After therapy I learned to be more expressive but I don't get really the filters in sharing information or emotions, also I cheat a lot and share information more than emotions, I think people don't notice much the difference and neither do I sometimes. One huge help for my lack of empathy was developing empathy from another approach, more than a emotional connection, like an exercise of imagination, it helps a lot when I need to interact with people. I read a lot, so that helps feeding the imagination.

It is a weird combination indeed, but it happens. Hope you feel better soon, it does get better. Having a good therapist is nice.
 
M

MHFPokeplantz

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Very different indeed, good that you shared it, thanks
About the question Ive never seen a case and either I am both disorders (though MAY (high chances) be BPD, and instead of Schizoid I tend to be AvPD, which share A FEW similarities)

A question if you dont mind answering, do you feel emptiness often?? If so how it differenciates from loneliness (as you said you dont feel much loneliness), as BPD struggles w being alone (but Schizoid doesnt and often PREFERS)
 
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walkingby

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A question if you dont mind answering, do you feel emptiness often?? If so how it differenciates from loneliness (as you said you dont feel much loneliness), as BPD struggles w being alone (but Schizoid doesnt and often PREFERS)
If is ok to ask, do you feel them mixed up?
 
M

MHFPokeplantz

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For you MHFPokeplantz, in regards of asking how to differentiate them.
Im not diagnosed but D A I L Y relatively intensely I feel BPD symptoms, all of the main ones
But the Avoidant Personality (which also so far I havent been diagnosed, but I have Social Phobia and my "patterns" are TOOOO avoidant in many aspects, never had friend btw for example) CHARACTERISTICS make the BPD explosions NOT go out, so I internalize. I dont fight (very rarely I do) but the hate explosions I feel and in worse situations TERRIBLE scenes of aggression come to my mind, or me pointing WEAK SPOTS of people (which in pre-teen phase I SOMETIMES did eventually). I HOLD all this inside, and toxic shame often comes, I feel powerless and with weak control (over myself AND others), the SUPPOSED Bpd mess gets worse (suicide ideation/impulse), and I tend to AVOID people even more next times.

Summing up, the SUPPOSED Bpd symptoms are INTERNALIZED (technically "quiet Borderline"), which feed the SUPPOSED Avoidant personality thoughts cycle, of infeiority and out of place etc
 
W

walkingby

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Im not diagnosed but D A I L Y relatively intensely I feel BPD symptoms, all of the main ones
But the Avoidant Personality (which also so far I havent been diagnosed, but I have Social Phobia and my "patterns" are TOOOO avoidant in many aspects, never had friend btw for example) CHARACTERISTICS make the BPD explosions NOT go out, so I internalize. I dont fight (very rarely I do) but the hate explosions I feel and in worse situations TERRIBLE scenes of aggression come to my mind, or me pointing WEAK SPOTS of people (which in pre-teen phase I SOMETIMES did eventually). I HOLD all this inside, and toxic shame often comes, I feel powerless and with weak control (over myself AND others), the SUPPOSED Bpd mess gets worse (suicide ideation/impulse), and I tend to AVOID people even more next times.

Summing up, the SUPPOSED Bpd symptoms are INTERNALIZED (technically "quiet Borderline"), which feed the SUPPOSED Avoidant personality thoughts cycle, of infeiority and out of place etc
Oh, that's very tough, one thing feeding the other and your mind just going wild on itself, it is exhausting. Taking a little thought jump, so the emptiness maybe makes you feel lonely, standing so removed from everybody else and the mind grudging constantly?
I find that grudging, when having to interact with people, the most difficult to control or tone down. The most contradictory aspect is that you feel powerless and with such weak control, but in reality it takes much strength to bare it. We tend to be stronger than those traits let us realize.
 
M

MHFPokeplantz

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Oh, that's very tough, one thing feeding the other and your mind just going wild on itself, it is exhausting. Taking a little thought jump, so the emptiness maybe makes you feel lonely, standing so removed from everybody else and the mind grudging constantly?
I find that grudging, when having to interact with people, the most difficult to control or tone down. The most contradictory aspect is that you feel powerless and with such weak control, but in reality it takes much strength to bare it. We tend to be stronger than those traits let us realize.
Its true, its like I feel weak by the behaviors ('no attitude'), but often forgetting all the mess I deal with is not easy or simple at all, and there IS strenght for me to go through it so much and still be standing
We have our own strenghts, its good to spot them (it took me long but with time I finally did) so we dont get stuck only to concepts of what is CONSIDERED strong by other people
 
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walkingby

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Its true, its like I feel weak by the behaviors ('no attitude'), but often forgetting all the mess I deal with is not easy or simple at all, and there IS strenght for me to go through it so much and still be standing
We have our own strenghts, its good to spot them (it took me long but with time I finally did) so we dont get stuck only to concepts of what is CONSIDERED strong by other people
That right there, exactly. I think that is the key of a great chunk of progress, to separate what is you, what is the trait or disorder and what is the external expectation to comply and what to do with them. Not to say that is simple, clearly differentiated and clean, its hard and constant work, it is curious how through time the mind tries to blur and lump it together if you let it. Well, that is speaking of myself.
 
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karl7

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I want nothing more than to care for someone even my own family


View attachment 40133
the fact that you say that you want nothing more than to care forsomeone even my own family, makes me think that youre not schizoid. Schizoids are cold and detached but you come across as warm, from what you say.
 
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