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Commiting to things with bipolar?

128762

128762

Member
Joined
Dec 7, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Seattle, Wa
All my consistency is ruined due to my episodes. I try to commit to things to better my future (saving money, making and keeping friends, taking medication, eating healthy, taking care of myself, having hobbies, therapy etc) but then it all gets lost in the cycle. I can't keep doing this it's literally ruining me and everything I have. I want to go to school and have a career and have a home and a family but i just feel so hopeless. Even when I'm so motivated through mania or even just naturally occuring motivation (which is very very sadly rare) either life throws something new right in my face and knocks me on my ass again or the depressive episode kicks in and i decompose for a month and fuck it all up. I'm so tired of this everything just gets lost in my head and in the cycle and i don't even know what to do. I have no friends since i think everyone hates me so i just go quiet until they stop talking to me. sometimes ill message them in my manic episodes but I've realized thats probably exhausting for them for me to ghost them so i just let it fall off these days. My family relations are screwed. I don't have a car or transportation of my own. I try to take my meds and then a manic episode will come and i'll decide im cured and i dont need them and stop. And i actually always believe it no matter how many times i've reminded myself that it's in my head and I DO need themand that i do this every fucking time. then the depressive phase comes around and im like well i stopped taking them so whats the point in starting them up again? and i just keepgoing onandonand onand i just want it to stop. im so tired of this and i have no one who understands me. literally not a single soul. im not even being overdramatic right now, I'm 18 and I have no one. I sit in my room and stare at the wall at night. No hobby I have is fun anymore. When I'm manic i just write lists. I write lists and lists and lists and stay up all nighton my phone and i post random stuff online that i dont really have a reason to post and i'll text people i havent texted in months andthen its all empty again. idk what to do how do i bemore consistent it just all gets ruined
 
Marrex

Marrex

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
148
Location
Oklahoma City
Pretty much everything you said resonates with me. Bipolar is hard, because like you said, we tend to commit to things that we think will be healthy or better our life in some way, and when we fail to meet these standards we set for ourselves, it just makes us feel like more shit. Often times, at least for me, I'll commit to things even knowing somewhere in the back of my mind that it likely will not work out, but what other choice do we have but to try? If I may be so bold as to offer a silver lining here, or a piece of advice... When the Bipolar "high" moments hits, try not to dread the crash to come. In my experience, it takes away from the good feelings of those times and tends to make 'em last less long, as well. Either way, I'm here to vent to if you need me. I'm sorry you're suffering. Well wishes from a stranger! :)
 
Julia_2021

Julia_2021

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2021
Messages
47
Location
Planet Earth
I feel for you! It's so damn hard. Is your medication the best variable you can have? Maybe it's worth talking to your doctor and discussing it? Meds should keep you stable if they don't something is wrong with them OR the dose OR both. Please discuss with your doctor...
 
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