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Coming to terms with childhood neglect

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boots46

Active member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
30
Location
UK
I have been diagnosed with both anxiety and ptsd (anxiety by my GP and ptsd by my therapist). Medication was only a little helpful but obviously didn't stop the triggering and flashbacks. I have had a lot of therapy which helped and didn't help as a lot of things I had buried and been in denial about came to the surface and now I am constantly dwelling on things. I haven't told my therapist everyting as its too shameful but gave her a general idea of neglect and weirdness of my childhood.

I was physically neglected, unclean and emotionally ignored, underfed, bullied by my older siblings. Horrible time at school and my mother did nothing. Missed lots of school when I was younger because she didn't get out of bed to take me, when I was older I would just not turn up. Basically nobody cared if I got to school or not. No money for lunch or bus, menstrual things, school trips, clean uniform....so it was easier to just not go.

My mum is now 80 and I am only just coming to terms with the idea that she has a lot of mental health issues of her own that nobody addressed (talking to herself, no self care, sleeping all day, rescuing animals and neglecting them, extreme day dreaming where is in a world of her own and hard to bring her back, fits of rage...or just odd behaviour). Everyone knew and few people were kind to us a family and nobody helped. We didn't have family as they just left us to it.

I somehow managed to get myself involved in church as a teenager and married a lovely man. The issue is he himself comes from a very dysfunctional family but in a very different way. My therapist described his mother as narcissistic. The whole family have been abusive towards me from the moment we got married and I basically just put up with it for 20 years. I finally stopped contact with them 5 years ago but they now abuse my husband and its making me very anxious all the time. I have been drinking too much and do not sleep well. I think I just feel like I am destined to be unloveable to anyone other than my husband...and even then he didn't protect me from his family. I feel like I am 'unlucky' or have something about me that has a target on my head. I am hypersensitive to shame and criticism though I don't lash out at other people, just feel overwhelmed with anxiety.

I have tried medication and talk therapy and it helps but it never goes away. I want to sell our house and move to an area where nobody knows me but my husband does not want to.
 
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Justwaiting

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
56
Location
Uk
Hi @boots46, Im sorry to read of your past neglect and abuse.

I just wanted to share a tip someone shared from Louise Hays books on affirmations. It's very simple to make time to stand in front of a mirror and say , I am loved, (as you are), or I am loveable.

There are other positive affirming things you can say too.....eg today I was kind to xyz, etc.

I think myself that some affirmations that are said can be far out, but it may be a help to try something like that .
 
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boots46

Active member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
30
Location
UK
Thank you both. I have forgotten about Louise Hays. I used to listen to her on cassette in the 90's..I'm old. My therapist has told me my affirmation is "I'm okay, I have dealt with it, its in the past'

It helps in the moment
 
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Elle Driver

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2020
Messages
1
Location
norway
I also had a crappy childhood with a mother who had severe mental ilness. She died when I was 20 from alcohol abuse. I had to take care of myself from a very young age. It really messes up everthing. I have had deep depression and I have GAD. I also feel unlovable, like I am a dirty person for having all that happened to me. I work as a nurse but its such a struggle. I would LOVE to just be a normal person with strong mental health!!
 
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