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Come on then, what's your Bipolar creativity?

J

Jstark

Member
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Pa
Hi my name is Jason and I've fought bipolar type 2 since I was a kid. No mania, but its chronic and I go from just ok to a deep depression that can go from a couple of weeks to years. It was misdiagnosed as major depression because of that. But the meds and therapy help so much more now. I'm functional with a job, marriage, apartment etc, but as much as that's a blessing I find myself in denial because of that until I can't handle it and I shatter. I have a lot of heavy guilt because I become some one else. I've hurt good friends and lost people I care about because of that. And I only see it after the fact. After all the damage is done to them. Anyway. I'm highly creative but adult ADD makes doing anything significant with it extremely difficult. See below...

I have talent in writing and music. I write my feelings down as poetry almost always directed at myself. Disturbing but never violent towards others.

Music? I'm stuck there for sure. I play keyboard a bit and I've composed some electronic music but I find it almost impossible to practice and sit down to learn theory. That said I daydream in original music all the time. Tied to my mood naturally. The actual style has changed over the years. I'm 37 and it's now strong pad or string orchestral with ethereal piano stuff. Sort of like the modalities of Phantom of the Opera.

I'm also a HUGE fan of Evanescence. Love the way Amy sings and that mode and harmonic minor type keys are hauntingly beautiful to me. Melancholy beautiful as I say in some poetry.

As I said most of my poetry is dark and potentially disturbing. Here's an example of one about my own self hatred. I wrote in an extreme death metal style. I challenged myself to see how extreme I could go without it straying into the ridiculous or parody. I think I mostly succeeded.

Notes: I should start a death metal band and call it Soul Corpse.


Hellrender

This nightmare, this hell, burning through me.
Deep inside, a dark demonic force raging
screaming, tearing, rending, eviscerating
Drowning in a lake of burning blood and
Torn, shredded, charred pieces of me.
My heart pounded into mangled rotting flesh.
The flames of my hell burn me, blacken me, kill me.
Time and again I die and I am reborn in suffering.
Inside of me my torment eternally continuing.
I am the force, the demonic lord of my own hell.
In hatred I rip out the core of my being, hellrending.

Rotting death inside
A porcelain mask without
The pressure, the pressure
I break, I bleed, I rage
No chance to feel
No chance to heal

Emotional suicide the only way to take a breath.
My body alive but my heart my soul, gone in death.
Within me a screaming, infernal blackened world.
Terror, horror, a sentence to a bloody slaughtered desolation
No love, no tears, only searing death in mental mass destruction.
A cry for mercy met with violent rage and laughter
My demonic self grinding, tearing, ripping all that I am after
Blood flows from infinite wounds. No strength left for dreams
I am lost in hatred of all I am. Dead inside, torn at the seams.
Flooded by scarlet rivers of flowing life rancid in the inferno,
An eternal scream ruptures the putrid, mutilated corpse of all I know.
 
WileyCat

WileyCat

Member
Joined
Jun 17, 2019
Messages
9
Location
Northern California, USA
Hi there.

I get stuck with having so much motivation to do so many different activities at once that I just kind of stew in the hyper-motivation and feel like a bomb is about to explode inside me. I hope that made sense.
 
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
7,014
Location
hiding behind the sofa
Mine is mainly energy that I have to burn and I do that by obsessive cleaning. And I mean 24 hours a day. I have found myself at 2am stood on a stool cleaning the tops of the wardrobe and washing windows in the middle of the night. I also decorate when manic but it’s not a good thing I paint anything and everything walls cupboards even been know to paint the carpet to match. I have ruined so much furniture when manic.
 
D

DrZee

Member
Joined
May 13, 2019
Messages
6
Location
Maine
Apart from artistic expression (I'm a jazz guitar player), my imagination and mind's eye are incredibly vivid. I can completely immerse myself in my own fantasies.
 
U

universalaura

New member
Joined
May 9, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Belfast
I take great comfort in art and writing of any kind, I feel like a jack of all trades! I paint faces and abstract ideas, I draw how I feel in my journal. I remember favourite quotes with handlettering and calligraphy. I write anything and everything in my journal, plus I try to write a poem every day. I'm not exactly doing well right now but my creativity feels like a success. If anyone wants to see/follow my work is here: www.instagram.com/lauratwopointoh
 
J

Jstark

Member
Joined
May 28, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Pa
Sometimes a piece of music will strike me in a certain way and I'll write something that can express some of the emotions or feelings it inspires. I find this piece to be what I call melancholy beautiful. It reminds me of the calm after a massive emotional storm.


Listen to this song (assuming the link works) while reading this:

A Promise of Peace

The storm has passed. The sky is clear. The once raging winds are now a gentle breeze. You are floating now amongst the wreckage and debris. There is destruction all around you, but you have survived. You made it through. The pain is still there but the anguish is gone.

You find yourself in quiet contemplation of all that brought you here. The emotional tempest that you have weathered has left you with many scars and many wounds, but you feel a kind of peace, a sort of bittersweet serenity. You know that there are many things to fix and rebuild but for once you feel that it can be done.

The empty screaming void within you is silent once again. The ice cold cavernous place that you have kept so tightly locked, behind which all the pieces of you that you felt you had to leave behind are kept, is finally open. The light of dawn, that could only come after a long dark night, shines on you now like a ray of glory from heaven.

A peaceful release comes over you and tears flow like water. They are not tears born of sadness, but of healing. A still small spark has ignited within you. It is a solitary flame, tiny but shining in the darkness. The once empty, cold and black cavern deep within you has now become home to a fire, a promise of warmth, a path to a serene remembrance of a once possessed thing called Hope.

There is now hope for healing your shattered heart, hope for rebuilding your emotional self, and a hope for a future born of peace and happiness.

It will be a long and hard road to rebuild your life but you have survived the storm within and you have found a strength that was long forgotten, left to whither, left to die.

Your heart is broken but you can find healing. You will find peace. You will feel free once again.
 
Crow King

Crow King

Member
Joined
Aug 17, 2019
Messages
21
Location
USA
Honestly, I'm creative as a baseline without hypomania. The primary difference is that when I am hypomanic I have too much energy and can't channel it or focus enough to even use it toward creativity very easily. Creative work requires patience and that's something I lack in a high. Instead I just bounce around everywhere from idea to idea at most. Also highly driven, but it's so intense that it's counterproductive and I don't actually get things done. I prefer my nice stable baseline I get on meds. I fight with friends less that way, too.
 
Universal opportunist

Universal opportunist

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Dorset
Well they say this is the good thing about bipolar so let's hear it; what's your best creative side?
Does anyone find they seem a bit stuck on this, maybe because they havent done any music lessons, paint classes etc, do you feel a bit 'stuck' but know the creativity is there somewhere? x
When I'm manic I sit and polish pebbles from the beach until they look like they have been tumbled, it takes hours and hours but hey😀🙃😀🙃
 
Singin'InTheRainClouds

Singin'InTheRainClouds

Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2016
Messages
12
I am semi-stuck. My creativity are playing a musical instrument and singing; and doing calligraphy. I find it very hard to get started, and I don't really "get into" my creative activities. I think the medications have dulled me somewhat in that regard. Thanks for this thread, everyone!
 
Singin'InTheRainClouds

Singin'InTheRainClouds

Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2016
Messages
12
Do you think it's still possible to get into marine biology? My flatmate is 38 and has always wanted to do it, but thinks he's too late on in life, would be great to give him some hope. :)
I was married (sequentially) to two marine biologists. And I've known several others well. My suggestion is, if he wants to go back to school in Marine Biology, he would be very wise to get employment in SOME WAY that is RELATED to Marine Biology. PAID employment, not unpaid internships. Even if it's just working in a lab cleaning out petri dishes, etc. Be employed the whole time he's in school. It's very, very tough to find work in that field because so many people want it, major in it, and then come out of school with no experience and therefore are virtually unemployable. If he's working somehow connected to people in the field, that way, he has connections from the very first. It is very difficult to find work as a marine biologist, but those I've known who found work, did work-study in the department FOR PAY.
 
Singin'InTheRainClouds

Singin'InTheRainClouds

Member
Joined
Jun 12, 2016
Messages
12
Oh, those are absolutely beautiful! I've always loved the stones that people get out of their rock polishing machines, but yours are extra, extra special because you do them by hand. Lovely.
 
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