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Cocaine finding it very hard

Gail

Gail

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
272
Location
In la la land
i have been coke free for about a month now I have a friend whom i shall call Ann for the sake of this post. Shes into coke in a very big way and shes a really good friend of mine. Im supposed tobe going round hers tonight for a girl nite in you know take a way that kind of thing. She called me this morning said you still coming and then came the classic words do you wanna go halfs on one told her i didt want any All day shes been sending me txts saying do i want to go halfs on one, every txt message she has sent me the amount she wants to put in it has gone down The first couple of messages i just txted back saying no. The rest i have ignored She called me at 5pm again asked that question and i said no so she just said ok Text messages again asking do i wanna get any Have ignored them shes just try ed to call me and i have ignored that as well
Dont know wot to do Yes i do know wot to do in my heart
Thing is shes been a really good friend to me in the past she like me has mental health issues Shes been there shes called an ambulance for me shes been there for me when i have been sectioned shes been there in the middle of the nite when there's been noone else
Im so crap at making friends im scared of losing her friendship even thow i know this needs to end
 
C

colh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Worcester Park
Stay home darling.

I had my probs with Coke and we all know how the night will end.
 
Gail

Gail

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
272
Location
In la la land
Thanks
am staying in answered one of her calls and told her i wasnt feeling well Ok it was a lie but it was the only way i could say bog off

IM NOT GOING DOWN THAT PATHWAY AGAIN i have to stay clean for myself for my mental health I DONT wanna end up so coked up i loose control and i loose track/memory of time (i did this once ended up at A+E. i can remember calling my mental health crisis team telling them i had taken a lot of coke being advised to go to A+E i cam remember getting to A+E the next thing i remember is getting home about 6 hours later , the in between to this day remains a total blank)
just wanna stay clean wanna be able to say to both NORCAS and Crisis team no i have not taken anything wanna be able to hold my head up
cheers
gail
 
C

colh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Worcester Park
The best thing I did when giving up the coke was to avoid ALL people that were near it, including my brother.

At the end of the day, it catches up with us all, and you know yourself how fucked up it leaves us afterwards!!!
 
Gail

Gail

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
272
Location
In la la land
colh you are right about avoiding people, but i love her so much shes been so good to me in other ways. Didt go round in the end. All last nite and today all i can think of is taking a line that feeling of total invincibility of sheer clearness it brings Im sure you understand wot i mean
Im not well at the moment psychically or mentally (blood sugar is sky high and as for wots going on in my mind well thats another story).
am going to google NA and see wot i can find out about them. At Norcas you get a max of 12 one to one sessions and they have helped a lot but only have about 3or 4 left I think i need more than this support. Need support long term will have a chat with my GP and my CPN see if they can help in anyway. My GP has beengreat hes never judged me and has always had time to talk to me
I thought i was doing well i guess by not taking it I am but i thought i was doing better then this. I guess temptation is still a biggie for me
 
Last edited:
bluenomore

bluenomore

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 30, 2009
Messages
5,527
Hey Gail,

colh is right. You have to stay away from other users - even your friends. At some point you have to be selfish, and look after yourself. It's too easy to get sucked back in. Switch off your phone or change your number. You've got to think of what's good for you.

Sorry if this sounds blunt, but if you want to get the train out of La La Land, it's something you need to do.

Good Luck
 
C

colh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Worcester Park
Hiya

the biggest thing is realising that temptation will never go away.
I have not touched anything for a long time but there is not a week goes by when I don't think about a line or two.

It is all about becoming strong enough mentally to realise that you can cope with life without it, its just bloody hard sometimes.

I am currently being seen by docs etc and they have said I am possibly suffering from Bipolar.
With this, I get up and down times a lot.
I have been stuck in a really bad place all weekend, and quite frankly would kill for something to lift me out of it, but I know that whatever is going on in my head, cocaine will not help in the long term.

Just stay strong babe x
 
C

colh

Member
Joined
Jan 22, 2010
Messages
12
Location
Worcester Park
I agree with you that this does help - I did Rehab a few times too.

Going on my own personal experience though, the temptation for me has never left, particularly when I feel down, and I will always see myself as an addict.

That is why I have to eliminate all temptation from around me, and like somebody mentioned earlier in the thread - I even changed my number and didnt give it out to some family members.

You have to be ruthless for your own sake
 
Gail

Gail

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
272
Location
In la la land
Update

last monday i took coke again for the first time in ages. I know i f***** up major Saw my norcas councilor yesterday and was honest with her and told her everything. Tomorrow i have a meeting about a day release course at norcas its 3 days a week. so nervous about that hope i get on it, my councilor recons i will be ok. She said they will tell me there and then if i have been successful so fingers crossed
 
Gail

Gail

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2009
Messages
272
Location
In la la land
Im so happy

I did it I got on my rehab course, it starts in April. I have 4 taster sessions across March . Im so pleased with myself. I know this is the start of a long hard slog but im so looking forward to it. Im in the right place in my mind to do this
(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)
 
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