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Climbing way out of dark days please help

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Wanttofeelpeace5

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Apr 8, 2020
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828
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New zealand
Feel like I'm crashing again and don't want to .. any help please!
 
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mckdomc01

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Apr 24, 2020
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71
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London
Talk to me.

Whats happening?
 
Antimatter

Antimatter

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Apr 19, 2020
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More info? 05:05 so late for me, hang in there buddy 👍
 
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mckdomc01

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London
Same Antimatter

Trying to stay up for the people in different timezones

The struggle is real
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
828
Location
New zealand
Hi and thanks . Feel like I'm making progress but then it's like I wake up and been smacked back back down to me whole .it's like like nobody understands how dark or empty thinks get
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

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Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
828
Location
New zealand
Always fighting to feel " happy- normal at least
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
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Location
New zealand
Never been diagnosed with anything just depression and anxiety . Sometimes I was there was a magic pill that would give me strength ..
 
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mckdomc01

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Apr 24, 2020
Messages
71
Location
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The magic pill is support from the people who care about you.

Even if its strangers on the internet :)

I am undiagnosed but I know I know I suffer from depression and anxiety.

Also SH and have done for about 25yrs

Baring in mind I'm 30 :doh:

You've come to the right place
 
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Lukcy2019

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Joined
May 2, 2019
Messages
47
Location
UK
Always fighting to feel " happy- normal at least
Hi

I know you've mentioned meds on your previous post. I've been on 5 or 6 different meds for many years and to be honest none worked for me, and in fact, they made me worse. I've managed to come off last year. It was sooooo hard for me to give up meds. Before I sleep every night I tell myself that tomorrow will be easier and try hard to convince myself that negative thoughts will not be able to put you down. However, they come back as soon as I wake up. I do lot of self-talk which helps for a short time. I'm going to share with you what makes me calm. I ask myself what is at the end of this journey (life)??? The answer is clear!!! So whether we worry or not, at some point we'll have to leave everything behind and go. So why not take it easy and try to be happy? I'm not hopeless but I also believe in reality. I give you an example, imagine you need to drive from your house to another city called city A, and there is only 1 straight road takes you there. Now, whether you go fast or slow, drive happy or not, stop for coffee or not, listen to music or not, the end is still the same. You are going to get to city A no matter what!!! So drop now and be happy.
Hope this helps!!!
please let me know
 
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Lukcy2019

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May 2, 2019
Messages
47
Location
UK
Hi Rayanna

Could you tell me what is the problem?

Thank you
 
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Rayanna

Member
Joined
Apr 27, 2020
Messages
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Location
Michigan
I will do my best. I had a pretty traumatic child hood. Emotional and sexual abuse. The sexual abuse came at a very young age 5/6 by my grandfather who owned a company that my father worked for. I was the closest to my grandma she was my world. My father was a severe alcoholic and my mom was just cold. When I became a teenager I started to have flashbacks of the sexual abuse went to a therapist and they said the mind will forget things as a protective mechanism. As I went into my 20’s it was on my mind constantly because I would still see him and it just did not sit right with me. I was so scared to say anything because my dad worked for him his whole life and he was an alcoholic and how would he get another job etc... I got married and had a daughter the first time we went to a get together my daughter was a newborn he reached out to hold her and my mind just exploded with emotions. No way in hell he was holding my daughter what kinda mother would allow that this man was evil. Finally around 24/25 I decided I could not go to these get togethers anymore with him there because he basically got away with it and still continued to be a creep! I told my mom her response was sickening she acted upset but no emotion it was not comforting at all. Next I called my dad (it was his father) he lost it he cried he apologize he was so hurt I did not expect that from him but I felt like he truly cared but it changed our life forever. Basically I was disowned he had money and that’s what was important to my family. My father wanted him dead he could not handle it and could not handle working for him. My dad killed himself. My grandpa found out I told the family had to go in for surgery which was not major and ended up dying. My brother who also disowned me was handed everything the business my dads things and he is an alcoholic and never worked hard enough for anything he owns! I was ok with that never put up a fight I just raised my kids I was married for 14 years had 4 kids 1 has autism/bipolar the other 3 have very bad anxiety. I devoted my everything to my kids I got divorced a few years ago we were not right for each other anymore right after my ex got into a semi accident flipped it and has a permanent brain injury and lost most of his memory and another person died. My mom has been awful I have tried and tried Shes not interested in being a mom to me I remind her to much of my father she says but she’s a great mom to my sister ... this was just the shortest version I could give lol it’s actually worse but u get the point. I just told my mom it makes me sad she’s not involved with kids so she offered to walk my dog 🤬🤬 I give up! I am super close with my kids they are doing great. I am always strong always but deep down I am done. My family has done more bad then good I don’t talk to them I struggle...
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

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Apr 8, 2020
Messages
828
Location
New zealand
Hi Rayanna

Could you tell me what is the problem?

Thank you
Hi . My storey is so tame compared to others I was brought up in a salvation army family by a very strict father , anything we did wrong was called a "sin" and the threat of of going to hell was always held over our heads . Swear get a hiding . Blessfem get a hiding . Wet you pants get your nose rubbed in the urine . Food rubbed in your face till you ate it. Me being the stubborn child I would sometimes challenge the rules which would end in a hiding . My mother would just sit and watch like she was wifey of the year. This pattern started from the age of 3 till about 18 when I left home. There was absolutely no emotional support and only what felt like hate and me being a disappointment .. I have a beautiful wife and 2 grown up daughters who are all amazing human beings .. but if one of them or myself is wronged I can feel myself falling back into that hole again . I'm still figuring the fastest and leastful way to climb out ... I do have a tender ralationship with my father and he has apologize for his reactions but I feel my mother is someone that will never take responsibility ... There is lots more but that's the short version . I am a 52 year old male .. have more good days than bad days which is a bonus ..thanks for listening
 

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