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MarlieeB

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Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
Want to die.

Should die.

Why do I try.

It's one thing after another.

I'm trying my best here and then life throws something else at me.

Why does God want to punish me so much.

I've had enough, I have been trying to stay strong and not anything to hurt me but right now, it's something I need to do.
 

MarlieeB

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Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
I've been trying so hard. I feel selfish for just wanting to die but I give up. I can't not do something but I also can't do something.

It's like no matter what I do shit is just going to be thrown back in my face.

I need to not be on this planet anymore. The planet doesn't want me so what is the point.

I just don't know what I have done to deserve any of this. What have I done? That is a serious question!!!!!!!

I'm lying in my bed, I'm trying to do the right thing and even that right thing gets thrown back at me.

I shouldn't of been so selfish as to look after myself, take time off work to get myself in a better place because it's just caused more grief.

It's just all fucked up, totally fucked up
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,824
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
You know I used to ask myself the same question over and over Marliebee, why does life throw so much shit at me, why is god punishing me.

Now I think maybe he was preparing me to be a stronger person by putting me through so much when I was young and into my twenties, maybe he knew I would need to be strong for my boys, for when they became ill, even when I am still getting relapses I can be strong for them now.
The more we do survive the more we learn how to handle the crap when it does get thrown our way, be prepared for it when it happens. Life isn't fair and we can't control everything that happens to us by others or around us, we can only learn to deal with it and cope with it to the best of our abilities. We control what we do ourselves and how we go about things.
I think you are stronger than you realize and one day that strength will most likely save you, and make you a better person to yourself and to the people you care about. :hug:
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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Dec 21, 2012
Messages
8,599
Location
Another planet
MarlieBee

Wish i could help u feel better. Life is unfair i know. Please try stay safe. I see how much support you give to people on the forum. You need to try to give yourself that support too which is easier said than done i know. Is your dog with u:hug5:
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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Nov 1, 2014
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here
I give up. Temporararly give yourself a rest. A change is also as good as a rest

It's like no matter what I do shit is just going to be thrown back in my face. What shit is it? It appears to me you give out love and care and receive love and care

I need to not be on this planet anymore. Your heart and soul want you here

What have I done? Given love

I'm trying to do the right thing which you are
xxxxxx
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 25, 2012
Messages
15,700
Location
UK
I need to not be on this planet anymore. The planet doesn't want me so what is the point.

I just don't know what I have done to deserve any of this. What have I done? That is a serious question!!!!!!!

I'm lying in my bed, I'm trying to do the right thing and even that right thing gets thrown back at me.

I shouldn't of been so selfish as to look after myself, take time off work to get myself in a better place because it's just caused more grief.

It's just all fucked up, totally fucked up
We want you!

You haven't done anything to deserve the shit. It is all unfair. You haven't been selfish in trying to look after yourself. What is it that's been thrown back at you?

Please stay safe, and please keep on trying, you are very cared about here MarlieBee :hug: :hug1: :hug5:
 
H

Helena1

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Staff Member on Leave
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Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,582
Location
UK
what happened?
Am sorry lots of bad things keep happening. :hug: you are strong you can overcoming all the bad things.
 
B

BAGGPUSS

Guest
I've been trying so hard. I feel selfish for just wanting to die but I give up. I can't not do something but I also can't do something.

It's like no matter what I do shit is just going to be thrown back in my face.

I need to not be on this planet anymore. The planet doesn't want me so what is the point.

I just don't know what I have done to deserve any of this. What have I done? That is a serious question!!!!!!!

I'm lying in my bed, I'm trying to do the right thing and even that right thing gets thrown back at me.

I shouldn't of been so selfish as to look after myself, take time off work to get myself in a better place because it's just caused more grief.

It's just all fucked up, totally fucked up
Marliee you helped me last night to 'Stop going any further'

I want to say you are special and please don't think bad things like that.

just be with us and not without us in your thinking you are lovely.

I wish I could go into your head and remove these thoughts and walk away with them.

:hug: Marliee please stay safe and I am thinking about you
 
N

Noetic

Guest
Oh my, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way Marliee. :hug:
You're a truly lovely lady, you don't deserve to die. Please don't do anything rash. :hug:
I know things are difficult at the moment, but please hang in there. You're not being punished; you don't devserve to be punished. You're great. Please be safe. :hug:
 
M

Mastiff mom

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 22, 2014
Messages
1,157
Location
Washington,DC
Dear Marlieebee, I'm sorry you are suffering so much. You are a lovely person and so supportive of others on this site. Please know you don't deserve to be in such pain. Sending you a big hug.
 
apple

apple

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 28, 2014
Messages
707
Hi Marlieebee, I'm sorry that you are feeling so down. I don't think that you're being punished - things might seem like that at times because in the past someone or something we've experienced has led to us having that thought. I don't know why harsh things sometimes happen, but when I've been really low and things have appeared so bleak, one thing that helped was to try and think of things that were going okay or well, however small, and to focus as much as I could on hanging on to them and being thankful for the positives. I'm not saying I've got everything sorted by any means, but it was one strategy that was recommended (amongst a number) which made a difference.

I have seen you been such a help to people, and I'm glad to know you here.

Hugs,

apple xx
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
41,461
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
you shouldnt die xx i promise you are a lovely person and im sorry things are so hard for you right now xx it sometimes seems as though we are being persecuted and all the bad things in the world are meant for us but thats depression making us feel that way its not how it really is
i hope you feel better soon love from fairy lu xx
 
mami5

mami5

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Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,891
Location
North West Wales
Dearest Marliee, I hate to see you suffering so much. I wish I could take your pain away.

Please keep strong and stay safe my friend :hug:

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,043
I've been trying to put others first and not having any kind of meltdown and then I go and do that :cry:

I'm trying to show that I'm strong and stable and I am a lot more stable than I was a couple of weeks ago but things just keep on happening to me. How is a girl meant to stay strong when life just shits all over you.

Ffs
 
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