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Christmas at the in-laws... again

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IDontCare99

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I do my best cleaning in the days before a visitor! I like one to two people coming but not a group. I really prefer that my holidays are quiet and simple.
Same. Quiet simple holidays. I do best cleaning too when I know I'm having company. Not for image, but just doesn't feel like there's a reason for it all, when no one comes to hang out lol...

I wish holidays were more quiet and simple. It's really stressful when there's a huge costume party or game with 20 people there. I understand why people like it, but it's too much for me. I get lost in the crowd and get bored...because I'm the outsider. I usually prefer christmas breakfast and or dinner without so many people...just close relatives. It's easier to get to know people that way.
 
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IDontCare99

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I do really well with one on one interactions, and then if it goes well and I start to get to know people I get more comfortable around people, but I need some one on one with people in the group before I can handle them all.
 
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BlueWater

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I do really well with one on one interactions, and then if it goes well and I start to get to know people I get more comfortable around people, but I need some one on one with people in the group before I can handle them all.
Same here.
 
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Keesha

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I just wouldn’t go.
For what it's worth, as much as I can understand how important this tradition is for your wife, she's in a marriage, a partnership, and to be insensitive to your needs is really not okay. I would think if you unilaterally decided Christmas was going to be with your family regardless of her feelings, she would find that unacceptable. I don't think it's manipulative of you to ask for the same respect. It's not just about celebrating with your family either, it's about protecting your mental health. Marriage is a "we" and she's thinking like a "me".
Exactly!
 
K

Keyboard Worrier

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I just wouldn’t go.

I would love not to, but I want to be with my wife and my kids on Christmas Day. Also, that is the nuclear option and would just lead to a big argument. Some time after Christmas I will bring it up and explain how unfair I feel it is. It's too late this year and it will have more impact after the event, but I doubt she will agree to change no matter when I bring it up. I resent her for it. To me, it seems like her grandmother's wishes are more important than mine!
 
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Keesha

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I would love not to, but I want to be with my wife and my kids on Christmas Day. Also, that is the nuclear option and would just lead to a big argument. Some time after Christmas I will bring it up and explain how unfair I feel it is. It's too late this year and it will have more impact after the event, but I doubt she will agree to change no matter when I bring it up. I resent her for it. To me, it seems like her grandmother's wishes are more important than mine!
Of course. I totally get that. I was being a bit on the facetious side. The only time I didn’t go to the in-laws with my husband was one Christmas when he bought me a musical keyboard.

I stayed home and played that thing and sang to my hearts content with zero regrets. My husbands a good sport though. It was definitely selfish of me but I’m not usually like that.

I don’t blame you at all for supporting your wife BUT I would most certainly put my foot down and let her know that your marriage is a team effort. Effort needs to be made on BOTH sides and she is NOT being a team player.
 
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Keyboard Worrier

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I feel like I have made her out to be a terrible witch, but I assure you, she's not. She is just not for moving on this and it's frustrating. I often feel that her family of origin is more important to her than the new little family we have created.

She will often go on vacation with her parents and sister (I don't go on those). Her mother in particular is manipulative and plays on my wife's good nature, guilting her if she does not spend adequate time there. I have grow not really dislike Nanny.

I'm sorry to rant like this on here, but because of my social anxiety I don't have many people I can talk to about it and my siblings just don't seem to know how to respond or give me feedback.
 
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Mary26

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I often feel that her family of origin is more important to her than the new little family we have created.

There it is. That's the core of the problem.
 
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BlueWater

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I feel like I have made her out to be a terrible witch, but I assure you, she's not. She is just not for moving on this and it's frustrating. I often feel that her family of origin is more important to her than the new little family we have created.

She will often go on vacation with her parents and sister (I don't go on those). Her mother in particular is manipulative and plays on my wife's good nature, guilting her if she does not spend adequate time there. I have grow not really dislike Nanny.

I'm sorry to rant like this on here, but because of my social anxiety I don't have many people I can talk to about it and my siblings just don't seem to know how to respond or give me feedback.
You haven't made her out to be a witch. This is a common family problem.
 
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