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Christmas Anxiety *tw*



Well-known member
Aug 25, 2020
Midwest USA
Trigger. Mentions of murder and molestation.

Christmas use to be my favorite holiday growing up and despite everything my mom tried to make it special every year and she succeeded but

I hate Christmas now days for many reason. First because of my siblings and their in laws makes me feel like total shit and they already do that enough on my birthday which I refused to celebrate this year and they refuse to buy me even a dollar gift.

Last year was by far the worst christmas and the year before thst was almost as bad and it makes me fear for this one. Last year, my sister went and blew the present money for the kids on weed instead of what my mom asked her to buy. Last year my brother in law verbally abused my niece so bad she hates him now. The year before that there was so much unspoken resentment and my other niece was acting out so bad, it was scary.


Christmas is bad because in 2010 my nephew was murdered on December 1st and my mom and brother almost died while driving down to his funeral. He was one years old and my older nephew was left in an abusive foster home for another year and a half. My nephew from 2012-2016 and somewhat now acts out badly during the holiday because he witnessed his brothers murder and it scared him. My nieces were molested for years and then abandoned by their mother on Christmas day, so they act out terribly on Christmas as well.

It's feels like such a curse. How can one of my happiest childhood memories be such a big fear of mine now? I seriously dread this holiday and I KNOW its gonna suck this year but I'm the only one who seems keen on cancelling the holiday. We could lie to the little kids and tell them Santa can't come this year because of covid but they wont listen

And I doubt MY kid will get any Christmas presents compared to the others. Bullshit. I have no spare money for Christmas and that's depressing me too. My kid behaves better than most of their yet he is gonna think he's been naughty because all the other kids will be getting more.

100% done


Well-known member
Jul 8, 2019
hi Murasakibiee

im so sorry about your traumatic memories
mine are not so bad as that as far as I can remember

I hope you can see a therapist about it
and that you can bring yourself to get the children
a present each , it will help you to do so
even if you can't expect to enjoy Christmas yourself

I spent one Christmas in a psychiatric hospital
having been forcibly medicated on Christmas Eve
the medication was wrong for me and I could hardly move
and had lockjaw which is very frightening
after about 24 hours they found an antidote for the medication
but I had to go through further trials
probably my worst Christmas in which I lost all sense of wonder

but my Dad telling me about the children in the family
how they had been over Christmas
gave me something to hope for

:grouphug: :sorcerer:
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