Child mental health

PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
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84
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Northern Ireland
#1
I am not sure if this is the correct place, but I’m beginning to worry about my step-childs mental health more. I’ve brought it up with my fiancé, but if you even suggest to the child’s mother (and there side of the family) that the child should maybe have just a chat with someone they LOOSE it.

But there’s a number of things we have had to deal with over the past year...
Child is now near 7, but last year we had to deal with them screaming for their mother when they would stay over with us. Gripping to their mother for grim death and refusing to even come see us at times. Terrible night terrors and more. This thankfully stopped but what we have now, is the child is clearly worrying themselves until they feel sick every night we have them about their mother.
They thrown up/nearly thrown up every week they have been with us for over a month now.

Context: Mother getting remarried in summer, step-father out of country a lot for work. Child is not coping and keeps crying in hysterics about how they miss him and their mum (when not with them)
Child apparently fine when with mother.

Now I don’t know if the mother and mother’s side are saying things to the child to make them like this, wouldn’t put it past them.

But is distressing for us to watch my step-child scream and cry like they’ve been bereaved, throwing up, not able to sleep and being distressed when only away for one night. It doesn’t happen when they stay with people on the mums side, just us.

Based of how mum reacts when picking up child, she says how much she has missed the child and was lonely being at home alone. So it seems like she is making the child feel guilty maybe? Child seems to think mum is at home crying alone, and mum won’t correct this.

Child is also terrified to tell anyone if they sore, or sick or upset. It’s so hard for us to get them to tell us anything, and they don’t tell mums side anything either.

Child is constantly anxious as well, but seems only I really see that.

Anyway, any advise on how to go about getting a young child to be more open without coercing them? Or what we My and my fiancé should go about getting mum and mums side of family to see child may need (I’m sure they do) some help, even if it’s just a wee chat to a counsellor?
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
84
Location
Northern Ireland
#2
Sadly the mother refuses to admit there is anything wrong with the child. Thinks the child’s behaviours are normal, such as at near 7 years old not sleeping in own bed. Being unable to perform many basic tasks, screaming and crying over everything.

Child is very intelligent and acts completely differently at school if meetings and reports are to be believed.
I’ve tried and and tried to convince my fiancé to convince the mother that even just a chat would be worthwhile with the doc or a counsellor over the divorce, both parents getting remarried, the fact that step dad to be is away for months at a time with work. But he’s terrified she will blow up and find a way to stop us seeing the child, and unlike her we can’t afford an army of lawyers 😞
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
84
Location
Northern Ireland
#3
Counselling not offered in primary schools over here, and they report nothing wrong with the the child.

She would say we are the reason she is hysterical etc and make it out that we were in the wrong somehow :(

It’s so frustrating
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

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#4
I would suggest that child's father speaks to the child's school about the concerns. The school will be able to monitor child's behaviour and are able to access support and councelling services if necessary.

I'd also check out the Young Minds website. Personally I think building children's emotional resiliance is one of the most important things at this age and they may have more advice about age appropriate activities.

Also is there anything stopping child's father taking child to see their GP. If he has parental responsibility surely he has an equal say in this to child's mother.
 
PinkCandyFloss

PinkCandyFloss

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Joined
Feb 20, 2019
Messages
84
Location
Northern Ireland
#5
We only get the child at the weekend really, as the father works Monday to Friday, so there’s no way he could take her to the GP. He has spoke to the school, they say she is fine and there is nothing wrong with her. Anything further has to be decided by them both because of joint custody, so as long as the mother says no it’s no.
Things may have changed, but I know my younger sibling didn’t have any access to anything in primary school and they only left 3 years ago. I certainly had nothing till secondary school when I was young.

I’m also under the impression the child’s GP is down by the mothers home which we cannot get to as we do not have a car.

I’ll check out Young Minds thank you