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cheating fantasy

tragicpink

tragicpink

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2018
Messages
50
Location
Canada
i dont think i want advice, i think i just need to be heard and related to.
first of all, i love my boyfriend with my entire heart and would never do anything to jeopardise our relationship. period. but i really really love attention. especially when it's from people who want me sexually and/or romantically. i keep people around who i know are into me. i'm a huge flirt and sometimes conversations i have push boundaries. my bf is aware that i have these attention seeking tendencies but he doesn't know about the conversations that he might not approve of. i definitely want to come clean to him and work on not having conversations that would likely hurt him. like i said, i would never cross a boundary by cheating on him but sometimes i think "what if.." it's exhausting to battle these shameful thoughts i have. i often talk to people and sort of play dumb. like, in my head i'll know they want more than just a conversation but if they havent said anything super straightforward i'll act like i have no idea what theyre talking about. i wont mention i have a boyfriend until the last possible moment when i simply can't avoid telling them.
i really don't want to be shamed or told i should leave my boyfriend. i am a flirtatious, attention seeking borderline who is committed to my relationship and making it stronger. i guess i'm just trying to confess my sins so to speak. before you make a judgement, know that i would never lie to my partner and i fully intend on having a discussion involving everything i have just said with him when i can and working on improving this aspect of my life and staying faithful. but for the time being it's burning inside me and i need to get it out.
does anyone else feel similarly or deal with feelings like this?
thanks.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,919
Part of bpd involves binging whether it’s food, alcohol/drugs, or sex. It has to do with impulse control and self destructive, self sabotaging tendencies of the disorder.

If you can recognize your triggers you can dissuade yourself. But it takes a lot of time and practice. Start to identify when you begin this ritual. What triggers it? Fight with the boyfriend? Stress at work? Then slowly begin to identify how you react and consciously stop the flirting. If it was harmless to you, you wouldn’t stress about it here. Boyfriend aside, look at how it makes you feel and why you start doing it.

Good luck!
 
albie

albie

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2013
Messages
171
I sympathise with anyone who needs attention like this. Being wanted physically etc is a massive rush. It confirms that we are beautiful and who doesn't want to be told that every day or every hour? Mirrors are ok but they don't talk.
 
American Boy

American Boy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
15,560
Location
London UK
I sympathise with anyone who needs attention like this. Being wanted physically etc is a massive rush. It confirms that we are beautiful and who doesn't want to be told that every day or every hour? Mirrors are ok but they don't talk.
I agree that some of us need attention because we have been rejected all our life's but then you get those who are privileged who choose their path with no idea of what other people are facing who are not privileged in the slightest. Its very damaging and bad for ones mental well being to have rejection making it increasingly difficult for those generally affected to function in society. So some people do need attention to know that they are human like the rest of us.
 
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