Cheated and now obsessed with the guy

M

MariaMaria

New member
Joined
May 12, 2018
Messages
2
I don't get drunk often. But when my boyfriend went on a vacation with his friends, i bought a bottle of wine and drank it completely empty. I am 26 and i have a history of drinking and taking medicine, all was going really well and i was focused on my studies before that one fateful night. I was so drunk, just by myself that i walked to the city, walked into a club and found some people and joined them. Later their friends came, i saw him standing there, this tall guy with dark hair and dark eyes. I was in a really weird manic state of mind and he was everything i was before, and was trying not to be anymore, well in my eyes. He smoked, rebellious against society, fun and we had an instant connection. I was not planning on kissing him, but i was crazy that night and kissed a girl before his eyes, then he asked me, why do you kiss her and not me? And i thought what the heck and i kissed him, it was such a good kiss and it soon turned us both on a lot, we went to his place, it was a nice experience, i sang for him, we were both naked but did not do anything except kissing, i sat on his lap. Then his friend came to sleep at his place and so we went to my place, we did some more stuff there and then when he went home i made the biggest mistake and asked for his number.

I send him a message the next day, i was so bored with my boyfriend and i like talking with him, we continued talking and talking, but i refused tohang out because of my boyfriend. Then i said something he did not like and out of the blue he blocked me (this was after a few weeks). I have some abandonment issues(just a little) and this triggered something in me, i could not accept, so i send him messages at his university email since he told me his last name before, and we met that night. We drank something went to the bar and ended up in his room just kissing for hours.

This part is where it gets really messy, we hang out some more times, i fell really in love. I was thinking about ending my relationship for 2 years now and never had sex with my boyfriend anymore. So i tried ending my relationship and told my boyfriend about the situation. But he said he wanted to forgive me and wanted to work on the relationship. I was so torn, i did not know what to do staying in the relationship or leaving with the risk of it not turning out well with this guy and being alone with a lot of heartbreak. I found a place to live but never really moved there. I was testing the guy to see how much he was into me and i think i scared him away, i did not have control over my emotions and i let it all out, to see if he would be there for me. Which turned out he was not, which is understandable. I gave him the impression i fully left my boyfriend and i was moving in the home with the girls but i only did half. I was so completely in love with this guy. And i slept with him and it was amazing also spending time with him was amazing.

But i was feeling the pressure of the unhealthy situation and i was stuck in a web of my own lies of half hearted truthts. I could not be myself anymore or enjoy the situation. I pushed him away, did not want to meet, was overly emotional until the point of no return. Now he is gone i am still in the situation i was in before i met him, but i am mentally broken. I miss him, i will never be with him i can't stop thinking about him but i have to let go.
 
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M

Mix-Tape

Guest
I don't get drunk often. But when my boyfriend went on a vacation with his friends, i bought a bottle of wine and drank it completely empty. I am 26 and i have a history of drinking and taking medicine, all was going really well and i was focused on my studies before that one fateful night. I was so drunk, just by myself that i walked to the city, walked into a club and found some people and joined them. Later their friends came, i saw him standing there, this tall guy with dark hair and dark eyes. I was in a really weird manic state of mind and he was everything i was before, and was trying not to be anymore, well in my eyes. He smoked, rebellious against society, fun and we had an instant connection. I was not planning on kissing him, but i was crazy that night and kissed a girl before his eyes, then he asked me, why do you kiss her and not me? And i thought what the heck and i kissed him, it was such a good kiss and it soon turned us both on a lot, we went to his place, it was a nice experience, i sang for him, we were both naked but did not do anything except kissing, i sat on his lap. Then his friend came to sleep at his place and so we went to my place, we did some more stuff there and then when he went home i made the biggest mistake and asked for his number.

I send him a message the next day, i was so bored with my boyfriend and i like talking with him, we continued talking and talking, but i refused tohang out because of my boyfriend. Then i said something he did not like and out of the blue he blocked me (this was after a few weeks). I have some abandonment issues(just a little) and this triggered something in me, i could not accept, so i send him messages at his university email since he told me his last name before, and we met that night. We drank something went to the bar and ended up in his room just kissing for hours.

This part is where it gets really messy, we hang out some more times, i fell really in love. I was thinking about ending my relationship for 2 years now and never had sex with my boyfriend anymore. So i tried ending my relationship and told my boyfriend about the situation. But he said he wanted to forgive me and wanted to work on the relationship. I was so torn, i did not know what to do staying in the relationship or leaving with the risk of it not turning out well with this guy and being alone with a lot of heartbreak. I found a place to live but never really moved there. I was testing the guy to see how much he was into me and i think i scared him away, i did not have control over my emotions and i let it all out, to see if he would be there for me. Which turned out he was not, which is understandable. I gave him the impression i fully left my boyfriend and i was moving in the home with the girls but i only did half. I was so completely in love with this guy. And i slept with him and it was amazing also spending time with him was amazing.

But i was feeling the pressure of the unhealthy situation and i was stuck in a web of my own lies of half hearted truthts. I could not be myself anymore or enjoy the situation. I pushed him away, did not want to meet, was overly emotional until the point of no return. Now he is gone i am still in the situation i was in before i met him, but i am mentally broken. I miss him, i will never be with him i can't stop thinking about him but i have to let go.
Yes sometime you have to move on with your life , the boyfriend held you back from your true self , it is hard sometimes and I sympathise.
 
M

MariaMaria

New member
Joined
May 12, 2018
Messages
2
Thank you for your sympathy, i really feel like the bad guy here.
 
Drooo

Drooo

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Jun 8, 2016
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UK
So, are you still with the boyfriend?
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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Jun 26, 2016
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sillyville, USA
There is usually one person who wants to break up first, many times before they actually do. Staying out of guilt because they feel bad they want to break up.
The guy might seem like a great loss at this time , and maybe it doesn’t feel like this now, but there will be other relationships. Your young.
 
Seachad

Seachad

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
516
Location
Central Florida
Thank you for your sympathy, i really feel like the bad guy here.
Okay, you screwed-up. But you're right. You have to let it go, and let him go. Sometimes you simply have to accept the fact that you screwed-up, did something you shouldn't've done, and let that go.

Life's messy, by nature. You're not going to get through it as if you're playing a video game and going for a perfect score. There are no saves and restores. It's all fast-forward in realtime. The good news is that every little misstep doesn't kill you, and -- generally speaking -- time's a great healer. You'll get over this. You'll get through this. And you'll know better, next time you're in a similar situation.

So let it go. Let him go, and move on. You already know it's what you have to do.

I sympathize, too. I've screwed-up before. I've screwed-up big time, before, in my life, and gotten over and through it. You'll get through this, and you'll be fine, in the long run. Doesn't mean it'll be pleasant, but then life isn't, always. As I said, life tends to be messy by nature.

But, y'know? It's better than the alternative. :evil:
 
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