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Changes in bipolar - not dealing with depression anymore

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Art78

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Hi I was just wondering if anyone whose dealt with bipolar for years has seen it change face. I have dealt with devastating depression since I was 13. It was always my way of life, and was suicidal most of my life before meds. I hate depression more than anything. But amazingly for 3 yrs I have not had one bout of depression. Just multitudes of manias (and terrible mixed state anxiety attacks, which are gone after upping lamictal.)
I am always afraid my depression will come back. Especially now that I am getting off risperdal. I do not and probably won't be able to deal with it if I get depressed. I do not want to live there again.
I'm 41 and am wondering if this night and day difference could be hormonal changes???
 
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Italia2020

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I am 41 and I’m having horrific anxiety, panic and depression. I’ve had it before and meds always seemed to work but this year nothing is working at all. I’m wondering to if it also hormonal. You can always have your hormone levels checked. I should do that also. Also, if you don’t mind me asking how do you feel when your in a mixed state and how long does it last? I’m not sure if that’s what I’ve been going through.
 
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Art78

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Mixed states are pretty awful. It's like intense negative energy. Not euphoria. Intense anxiety. I would cry, scream, pace, not getting anything done. Just running around in circles without anyway to ground yourself. I hope that helps.
 
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Art78

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Just wondering if you take lamictal. When my episodes were so bad last year we upped it. My anxiety just totally vanished after that. And have not even had a chest pain (which was happening a lot!)
 
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Art78

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I'm not sure if there is a time frame for mixed states. I have also had great euphoric manias that took a down turn into mixed states.
 
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Italia2020

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Hey thanks for responding I tried lamictal and it brought down my anxiety a tiny bit but I’m sensitive to meds and at 25 I know such a low dose I was dizzy. Which sucks. I’ve been like this for 1 year always was on ssri my whole life now they don’t work. I don’t know much about mixed state would they last for a year all day every day?
 
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Italia2020

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Omg the chest pain I have it’s like severe restless anxious uncomfortable energy but im
Also tired and depressed at the same time. But mine has been 1 yr 24/7. So im
Not sure what’s going on. I never had highs and lows before.
 
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Italia2020

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The feeling has been hell literally all day I’ve been to 3 psychiatrist and got 3 different diagnosis
 
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Art78

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I hope someone will figure it out for you. And you have tried other meds? It sounds like horrible anxiety disorder. Which can also be depression too. But I'm not a doctor of course. Make sure you can really be open and comfortable with your Dr.- it could save your life.
 
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Art78

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Lol, I got confused. I know it doesn't seem possible, but I thought you were a different person. I mistakenly read that you were 25
Lol. So I want to respond different. Not like I'm talking to a kid. ☺I don't know why I couldn't pay attention to names. I am tech challenged and stay off social media and haven't been on a forum for 10 yrs. Not to mention I've felt a little weird with less risperdal, day 3. Message me back if you'd like.
 
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Art78

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I'll just message back anyway. Around the time I hit 40 (also middle of my bouts with manias) I was obsessed ( I think you know what I mean) about menopause. I read all I could about it and outright horrifically terrified myself!! You have to know I've been a single mom for 22yrs and entangled in 13yrs (but 4yr relationship) of sleeping with a bipolar, narcissist who cheated repeatedly and was addicted to porn. I've never had a man love me. He always discarded me and I was dispensable. All too say, I hit 40 and have been super vain and doesn't help to sleep with someone you want and they don't want you. I had a hysterectomy at 35, thankfully I kept my ovaries. But ever since I've had a fear they will stop. And every little change or problem with my body I freak and think it's menopause. I cry and cry thinking I want to meet someone while young, some beauty, and a working vagina!! Most of all I'm afraid I won't be able to have sex. I have not had a relationship in 8 yrs. I don't want to die without every having, morning sex, afternoon sex, nighttime sex, living room sex and hotel room sex whenever I want!
Soooo literally all this to say, that's why I'm stopping risperdal. It increases your prolactin levels like tenfold. Which causes you to produce way less estrogen. I can't loose any!! Plus it just cannot be good to raise your prolactin levels that high for 11 yrs!! Especially at my age I can't have my hormones messed with!!
Also I know (from what I've read) in your 40's your hormones go crazy!!!
My pdoc told me she wanted to take me off risperdal 5 yrs ago. But next time I saw her, she kicked me out. I just kept taking it because it worked so well and never wanted to asked questions. Then last week I investigated long term effects. I can't live with those effects at my age.
 
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Italia2020

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I completely understand mine is sort of the same as you but also a little different. I’m 41 and my husband and I have tried desperately to have a child but no luck. I think part of my severe anxiety and depression stems from that. The other half that it’s genetic. Well anyways being pregnant they advise you to be off meds especially the ones I try and I just can’t do that because how severe my symptoms are. I’ve had panic anxiety and depression since 21. Ssri always worked then they would stop working and I’d find another but since last year nothing is working and I’m getting worse and worse. I cry and panic all day just to know that the next day will be a repeat. I used to be so much fun going out to parties, dinner, shopping. Now going to the corner store is a job in itself. I feel like I’ve lost my life at 41. You were talking about your boyfriend or husband would you ever leave the situation?
 
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Italia2020

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My just saying cause my ex was an abusive prick and I ended leaving him and found someone else. You can find someone!
 
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Art78

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Oregon
I am so sorry you are going through all that stress, panic, and depression. I understand longing for something and having no hope! I'm glad you found a wonderful husband. I have never been married. I'm not sleeping with him anymore. Just have to still see him everyday because of joint custody.
I will be praying your heart heals and depression leaves and you have real peace!!
 
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