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Change in behavior/feelings, recurring instances (HELP)

K

kashmere

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
2
Location
California
Hi everyone,

First of all, I’m typing this today because this has been going on for a little while now and my partner and I both agree that it’s an issue.

We have been together for about seven months, but we’ve known each other for more than five years. We are very serious about each other and plan to get married and have our own family, etc. He doesn’t do anything wrong so I don’t understand why this happens.

The issue is, about once a month (not necessarily near the time of PMS and menstruation) I change. I start to have different viewpoints and interests even though it might be something I don’t have to do or wasn’t interested in beforehand. What then follows is a feeling of blankness, like I have fallen into a mental stupor. When he speaks to me, it’s hard for me to focus and I can only think about the viewpoint or interest I brought up in the first place. It literally feels like my mind is blank and empty and I have absolutely no words to share with him. However, usually the words I do muster up are cold and heartless and unlike me. It is very frustrating on both of our ends.

Sometimes when it happens, I can barely remember some of the words I said and I find myself shocked that I said certain things to him. He ends up hurt and I end up confused at my own actions/words and end up crying that I would say such things to him. It feels like I am not myself when those instances occur. Could this be bipolar disorder?

Note: This only started a few months ago after my school had to be put on lockdown after a series of fights (one of which happened in front of me). I think this was a trigger to what I have described above because I left school feeling different, empty and blank.

Another thing I want to mention is how I have a daily schedule and usually the activity is planned to start at the beginning of the hour, exactly at the middle of the hour or at the end. Usually I prepare to start the activity at least five minutes before so I can start on the dot. However, I find it very, very frustrating when I don’t start the activity at the planned time and it makes me stressed and start to cry. My partner asked me if I feel a strong urge to start the activity at a certain time and I said yes. Could this be OCD?
 
Z

Zoe1

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Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,993
Location
Nowhere
sounds like typical PMT and also shock
over the school lock down

you would need a partner who is understanding about these things I think

how is he taking it ?

:love: :love: :love:
 
LizBo

LizBo

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 1, 2019
Messages
381
Location
Down-under
Hi and :welcome: @kashmere

Your ability to self assess is remarkable! You've identified a probable trigger which for some can be an exercise in frustration and confusion, so well done!

Please don't be so focused on labels ok. Self diagnosing tends to be an avoidance to the real issue of dealing with symptoms and their effects, both to you and your loved ones.

Talking with a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist, (I prefer the former) will help you understand these periodic dissociation events. (Moving from reality to another pseudo reality or personality)

The great thing is you've identified and disclosed the problem early; really intelligent and courageous I might add.

And.. you're talking about it with people who understand. That's the beauty of forums like this.

So please get professional help hun, early intervention is always the best avenue to take.

Warm thoughts;
Liz
 
K

kashmere

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
2
Location
California
sounds like typical PMT and also shock
over the school lock down

you would need a partner who is understanding about these things I think

how is he taking it ?

:love: :love: :love:
I don't think that it's PMT because it hasn't always been this way and a cycle is not new to me. But I do agree that it could be shock because of the school lockdown.

He is very understanding and is helping me to deal with this issue. :)
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

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Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
564
Location
Plymouth
Could be a sign of anxiety disorder, things do sink into your subconscious at a young age, but it can take years for it to manifest, the problem with school is that it can be very regimented, & we are there for years, & leaving school those boundaries aren't in place like the used to be, unless joining the military, even in my office environment it's been nothing like school, flexi-time come in a bit late no worries, just leave a bit later.

The subconscious learns behaviour because that's exactly what it is, look at DBT/CBT at first, that could get you somewhere, it is about unlearning anxious behaviour.

I too struggle as an adult, I still have dreams about being back at school after leaving in 1990, but I found that with learning relaxing thoughts & behaviour helps.
 
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