Carers, I need your help!

A

atalossnow

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Hi there, this is my first post..

I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months now, and I'm so in love with him. Our relationship is usually great, and extremely healthy with lots of communication. However, he's struggled with depression on and off for 6 years now, and attempted suicide 4 years ago. When we were first casually seeing each other everything was going well for him, but I knew about his past. He wanted to be more serious and I told him I worried about his depression, my Dad had depression and I just couldn't go through that again. It might sound harsh, but I was still hurting over that and didn't think I could deal with a partner going through it. He promised me he had it under control at that point, and he would do his best to keep it in check. Fair enough, that's what he did. However, just because he tries, doesn't mean it's all flowers and rainbows. When the depression hits, it hits hard.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's been on and off for a few months with some particularly bad spells. He's told me he's suicidal multiple times, often when I'm out of the country and can't watch over him. I don't blame him for his depression, I just feel like I got in way over my head without understanding it. All of a sudden, my life revolves around him and his depression, my days are spent worrying about him, talking with him about it, trying to not upset him.. If he's depressed, and I'm not doing well for whatever reason, his problems always trump mine. I know he wants to help me, and he tries to be supportive of me even when he is depressed, but at the end of the day, I'm taking care of him. I'm exhausted, I've got a million other things going on, trying to finish university, financial issues, family problems.. And now this - it's really starting to affect my own mental health, I feel so overwhelmed.

I've read all the advice like "take care of yourself, take a bath, meditate, you're no good to him if you're not well etc.." I know the generic stuff, but I feel like I need human support and advice, someone who can say "I've been there and it SUCKS. Throw a plate at the wall every once and a while". Or something relatable like that. Does anybody else get me?
 
R

Roseessa

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2018
Messages
97
Location
Nottingham
#2
Hi,
First I want to ask if you are really okay?
If not vent all you want, this is a safe space.
If I was I would find somewhere and just scream my heart out, although throwing plates does feel good(speaking from experience).
Have you thought of going on a little break for just you?
Sometimes you need to get away from it for a little while to feel better.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
8,546
Location
England
#3
Hi,
You need to take care of you, if your unhappy it's time to leave.
I hope things work out for you.
Take care
 

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