"Carer" is Frequently an Asshole

[Crazy Lady In Stanton]

What do you do when you're disabled and your "carer" is an asshole? I feel guilty for saying it, as I feel like I'm being disloyal, but my husband/carer is frequently an asshole. I need his help to survive, but his behavior often makes me unhappy. For example, this morning I woke up to him screaming about the spices being disorganized. Yesterday, he kept cutting me off and impugning my character every time I opened my mouth. Another example, he was upset about something, so I said something to try to comfort him, and he began to tell me what a bitch I was. One moment I'm feeling love for him, the next he's telling me what a bitch I am. The first few years we were together I used to cry when he was cruel. Now I just don't care as much. It's like even though I love him very much, a part of my heart is hardened towards him because he's been an asshole to me for so long.
I can't leave him. He's the only real family I have.

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi,
Have you told him how his behaviour is affecting you? I'm really sorry your going through this. It is hard being a career, does he have any support? However his behaviour isn't right or fair.
Do you have any family support etc? Have you thought maybe about going to relationship counselling.
I hope things improve for you
Take care

 

[Crazy Lady In Stanton]

Thank you Mayflower for responding. I just feel so alone right now. My girlfriend is in the hospital having surgery, and my husband is Mr. Cranky much of the time. My husband is basically a good person. He's loving and generous and kind to animals and small children, but he's crabby much of the time. He'll be sweet for awhile, then he goes through a cranky spell. He's been cranky for a week now, and I have no one to talk to and be merry with this holiday season. My husband has tried to get help with his behavioral/relationship problems from his psychiatrist at VA, but his psychiatrist told him not to bother trying to change as he is old and will die soon anyway. My husband was devastated. It was hard for him to talk about his difficulties. If we could afford decent help for him and couple's therapy, we'd take it.
Thank you so much for responding to my post. It felt good to know someone cares.

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi,
Lots of people have extra difficulties at Christmastime, I hope it helps being on the forum.
Wish there was more help for you and your husband.
Take care

 

[Crazy Lady In Stanton]

I appreciate your response Mayflower. I just have to accept the fact that I married a cranky man. Both of us would be happier if he was less angry, but there doesn't seem to be much help available right now. You know, I think I'll try looking for free/low cost counseling online, because both VA and the private health insurance we used to have did nothing to help. I think I need to make a bigger effort to help my husband be happier.

 

[Crazy Lady In Stanton]

Mr. Grumpy Pants has decided to go back on his antidepressants. That should help him to be less grumpy, and make him easier to live with. What a relief.