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Caregiver help question. My daughter is 22 with Schizoaffective. I need help and don't know where to go.

M

mikemoales

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2020
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4
Location
South Dakota
Thank you for adding me. I need help and don't know where to go. My daughter is 22 and has Schizoaffective disorder and has recently said some really mean and evil things about her little sister and brother, as well as her older brother and my wife that can never be taken back.

She went live on facebook saying these things on video while she did her makeup. She even invited a lot of our family, friends and coworkers to watch She has everyone thinking that we are sick monsters. To top it off, we have reported the video several times and Facebook won't remove it, even though she is half-naked in the video and saying the things that she is saying.

She has really made some serious allegations. Allegations that can get someone arrested. On top of that, she threatened to kill me and my wife and even drove by our house to see if we were home. We have since had to have a warrant placed out for her arrest and soon will be going to seek a restraining order... None of which I would have ever thought that I would have had to do for my little girl. This Is my worst nightmare.

At this point, I don't think I could ever trust having her around my children, myself, or my wife again. My wife feels so betrayed by everything that she has done and although I know that it's the illness and not our daughter is not the person doing all of this, my wife is taking it really personal.

I love my daughter and don't want to give up on her, but it seems like everywhere I turn no one can or wants to help, often saying that since she is 22 she has to want help on her own. I even went down to try and get an IVC, which is an involuntary commitment order and the magistrate refused to issue one because "she is not saying obviously abnormal things like Aliens have beamed her down from the sky"

I have watched what seems like hundreds of videos, read page after page of information trying to understand what is going on. Is it normal for someone with Schizoaffective disorder to say hurtful things to those that are the closest to them? Where can I go to get help? Do I just leave her on her own?

She has blocked the entire family and others that could have reached her and even moved to another town and totally isolated everyone from her life except for some strange man that we don't know.

Has anyone ever had a situation like this before where you or the person with Schizoaffective has gone on live video and made allegations? Or has totally isolated themselves from everyone else making it impossible to get them help? How long does this last?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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Location
Nashua NH
Hi Mike I am sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately it is a situation that is very common for families who have adult children that suffer from mental illness. Unless they are a serious and immediate danger to themselves or others (ie suicidal) it is very difficult to force them to get help. It seems like your daughter has a very negative perception of her family and it’s relationship to her that she feels a need to inflict harm on and simultaneously protect herself from.
I think distancing yourself from her is the right thing to do as you have to protect yourself from her. As far as getting help it sounds like she is functioning okay so hopefully she will be able to take care of herself, possibly with the help of this mysterious man you mention. I guess the best you can hope for is that she improve on her own or that her situation bottom out entirely and she comes running back to you for help. In the meantime try to respect her autonomy as much as possible and do what you have to in order to protect yourself from any threatening behavior. Your local NAMI offers support groups for families who have family members with a mental illness. Here’s a link to the NAMI in your area in case you would like to check them out. xo, j

 
M

mikemoales

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2020
Messages
4
Location
South Dakota
Hi Mike I am sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately it is a situation that is very common for families who have adult children that suffer from mental illness. Unless they are a serious and immediate danger to themselves or others (ie suicidal) it is very difficult to force them to get help. It seems like your daughter has a very negative perception of her family and it’s relationship to her that she feels a need to inflict harm on and simultaneously protect herself from.
I think distancing yourself from her is the right thing to do as you have to protect yourself from her. As far as getting help it sounds like she is functioning okay so hopefully she will be able to take care of herself, possibly with the help of this mysterious man you mention. I guess the best you can hope for is that she improve on her own or that her situation bottom out entirely and she comes running back to you for help. In the meantime try to respect her autonomy as much as possible and do what you have to in order to protect yourself from any threatening behavior. Your local NAMI offers support groups for families who have family members with a mental illness. Here’s a link to the NAMI in your area in case you would like to check them out. xo, j

Thank you, yes my plan was to give her the space that she needs and pray, hope, expect the best but it hurts knowing that she is out there on her own. I can only imagine the pain that she must be feeling and I can't let her know that I love her or that I'm there for her. Thank you for the resource, I will reach out.

By the way. Is there a support group in North Carolina?
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,771
Location
Nashua NH
Yes there is a NAMI in every state as far as I am aware. It must be hard for you to go through this. I’m hoping she might come around in time. Here is a link to the NAMI support groups in North Carolina. I hope things improve for your family soon. xo, j

 
A

Am33

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Sep 28, 2020
Messages
382
Location
Fiji
I would find out if guy she is around is giving her drugs. I think this has put her over the top . I would have police do a wellness check and see what they find out . Praying for your family .
 
J

JoeSmith1977

Member
Joined
Dec 6, 2020
Messages
6
Location
Palm Springs
I have this disorder. She can’t control what she says. And most of the time she probably knows it’s not true. But her mind won’t let her see that. In her head she probably has 50+ alternate realities dancing around, and she feels compelled to “think through” every single one of them. Which is mentally exhausting. For some reason I say the most hurtful things about the people I love the most. I know I don’t mean them, but figuring that out often comes way after the fact. If I were to guess from experience, she feels lost and alone and places blame for that on the people she feels could’ve helped her the most. In her mind, everyone’s the enemy. Hopefully you and she will figure it out.
 
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