• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

can't take life..

B

breaking13

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2015
Messages
30
I hate my life. I don't want to live. I want to be done with it but I'm scared.
I was trying to ask my son how his day was and what all he did. He wouldn't listen to me so I took his phone away to have an uninterrupted conversation.
He got mad and started hitting and kicking me. He kept telling me he hates me and slamming the door.
I finally started crying and he told me good, keep crying. He hates me. He hit me some more.
I can't take this. I did everything to get him back and this is how it is.
My mom yelled at me and threatened to take me to the hospital. I'm so confused on what I did. My son really hurt me and I'm the one in trouble.
I can't take my life. Everyone hates me. I can't take any of this anymore.
I don't want to live but I can't figure out an effective way with my resources. I don't want to be hospitalized. I want to make sure I do it right.
 
S

seekingsense2

Guest
Being torn about parenting is really difficult when things are though for you as it is. Please just stay safe and let things cool down first. Perhaps some sort of answer will come to you and you can try to resolve some things with your family when you are less emotional. I know that is of no help now. People are always saying 'just stick it out' and all I want to do in that situation is make the pain go away...so I do know it is tough. But please, try to give it a little time. It will be worth it when you are next hugging your son.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling like this.

It's really good that you're reaching out to us when you're feeling suicidal; that's a great step. Please try to be kind to yourself right now. Don't trust your suicidal feelings; they're a symptom of your illness, and those feelings aren't telling you the truth right now. You're worth it; you're a good person, and you're trying your best. It's okay to struggle. Things can always improve.

I know it's hard right now because you've just had a really harrowing experience, but things can improve. That's the thing about families; shit happens, things can get back to being better because they always stick together. :)

Am I right in thinking you're a parent who's living with your parents? That's a difficult situation, especially if you've had to fight to get him back.

My brother's in the same situation. He had to go through a lengthy court battle to get custody of his two kids, and he's living at home with our mum and dad. He's depressed and he's finding it hard. The difficulty with that is, is that there are two sets of parental authorities - your kid might be getting mixed signals, 'cause you and your parents might have different parenting styles. My brother and my mum disagree on how to raise the kids, and disagree in front of the kids, which makes them act out sometimes (which makes sense because they're confused).

I watched a Super Nanny episode about a woman in a similar situation; the kid would start to tell the mum that he hated her, and it was down to the fact that the kid wasn't sure who to respond to properly. They put in a rigid discipline system, devised by the mum and the grandparents (based on achieving gold stars on a big, visual table they had on the wall, and time outs given consistently by the mum and the grandparents), and when they started working together more as a unit, the kid started to respond much better to both mum and grandparents.

I'm not trying to assume anything because obviously I don't know your situation, but that might be something to look into - particularly if your mom is yelling at you, 'cause clearly there's a communication breakdown there at some stage, and it's completely understandable that you'd feel frustrated and hopeless in that situation.

You need to remember something: your son does not hate you. Unfortunately a lot of kids go through the lashing out phase at their parents, particularly if there's been some level of upheaval in their lives. He's probably dealing with some emotions he doesn't know what to do with. He does not hate you; you're his mother. He loves you. He will come round.

Don't worry about changing anything for now. Now, your top priority is to look after yourself. I hope you can find something that calms you down - you might want to get out of the house for a little while, go and see a friend, or take a nap, or read a book, or do some meditation. Anything that'll distract you. Then when you feel better you can talk to your mom and work with her as to how to move forward. A nice calm conversation. Then things will begin to get better.

Thinking of you; wishing you the best.
 
Last edited:
C

Crazy Lady In Stanton

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 29, 2015
Messages
1,534
Location
Stanton, CA
May I ask, how old is your son?
 
F

facingmyfears

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
Messages
83
Location
Canada
I know this seems unrelated but how old is your son?
 
B

breaking13

Active member
Joined
Dec 13, 2015
Messages
30
He is 4 turning 5. I guess he feels that I hate him and don't want him as well. I've been trying to make him understand that I love him with all my heart but he doesn't believe me.
I don't want him growing up thinking I don't want him and it hurts me when he says he hates me.
 
F

facingmyfears

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 29, 2016
Messages
83
Location
Canada
Nah I:panic: doubt he hates you. Most children that age say I hate you to their parent. I think he is too young to understand what is going on with his mommy. It is hard to explain things like depression to a kid. If I had a kid I would just explain in kiddie terms what is wrong with me. Why would you say he thinks you hate him?
 
Last edited:
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
He is 4 turning 5. I guess he feels that I hate him and don't want him as well. I've been trying to make him understand that I love him with all my heart but he doesn't believe me.
I don't want him growing up thinking I don't want him and it hurts me when he says he hates me.
He's really young and very sensitive right now. He loves you and know you love him back on some level. Just keep being there for him. I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're doing the very best you can.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
R Bipolar and pregnant.... Work life anxiety?? Bipolar Forum 10
T My Cousin has bipolar disorder and is a life threat to his parents Bipolar Forum 3
M Work and Life Update Bipolar Forum 5
BlackChalice47 Worst manic episode of my life Bipolar Forum 2
HLon99 Advice on rebuilding life post bipolar. Bipolar Forum 14
T I have bi polar and i feel like i can never live a normal life Bipolar Forum 6
MissPink How does your Bipolar affect you in your life? Bipolar Forum 5
HLon99 Feel better, but making no progress in life. Bipolar Forum 12
bluelives911 Untreated bipolar will ruin your life Bipolar Forum 5
B Bipolar in social life Bipolar Forum 11
GaryC123 Hanging On To Life Bipolar Forum 1
HLon99 Getting my life back together after Bipolar Bipolar Forum 7
M Will life ever feel worth living? Is there hope? Bipolar Forum 5
ScreamingMime Should I try dating if Bipolar and PTSD effect my life? Bipolar Forum 15
frisas45 I don't think I can take this harsh truth about life. I am just not capable of enduring it. Bipolar Forum 23
Wandering2 Reposting a post of a reply 😅: My horrible life Update😭 Bipolar Forum 6
dubblemonkey the love and the life Bipolar Forum 1
GaryC123 Living the Lie (I mean life) Bipolar Forum 5
Jess96 Life ...... Bipolar Forum 6
Poopy Doll The Burden of my Whole Life is Before me Bipolar Forum 9
Ghost_Owl Quality of Life Concerns. Bipolar Forum 2
A Studies of rats/monkeys on anti psychotics life expectancy Bipolar Forum 14
embleton Bipolar the realities for me in real life though experience of itself. Bipolar Forum 2
megirl feel blah and bored with life Bipolar Forum 29
A Struggling with bipolar and managing everyday life Bipolar Forum 1
G Book - Running for my life Bipolar Forum 2
F the hardest decision of my life. . Bipolar Forum 7
S Have i wasted the good years of my life and does real love even exist? Bipolar Forum 3
J I'm bored. Death sounds appealing but I'm not suicidal. I don't even know If I'm depressed, I'm just not happy in life and I'm full of rage. Bipolar Forum 1
letmein A wasted life Bipolar Forum 52
L How does Bipolar personally affect your life? Bipolar Forum 2
M bipolar life Bipolar Forum 2
B Paranoia ruining my life! Bipolar Forum 4
letmein a cesspit of life. Bipolar Forum 1
letmein bit personal sorry but do you have a sex life? Bipolar Forum 10
I Just not liking life right now Bipolar Forum 3
D Bipolar life Bipolar Forum 1
R how i feel on the ex thats re-entered my life Bipolar Forum 6
Q Feel as though my life is imploding. Bipolar Forum 5
6 AH!! life insurance Bipolar Forum 1
Zoscia Accepting my life as it is Bipolar Forum 63
nonotme having a life? Bipolar Forum 21
J Life is shit Bipolar Forum 7
N Does anyone else think that their life is being filmed? Bipolar Forum 5
A Big life decision Bipolar Forum 18
dubblemonkey life Bipolar Forum 4
bobshocker i really really hate my life Bipolar Forum 2
B story of my life. Bipolar Forum 4
D Getting my Life back Bipolar Forum 8
dubblemonkey gratitude for life Bipolar Forum 4

Similar threads

Top