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can't stop the tears.

S

shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
:(Sorry I just needed to talk let my feelings out. Have been diagnosed bipolar a few weeks now I'm majorly depressed I have been put on 300mg seroquel. Everyday I try my best get out of bed do some house work cook tea try and cope with the kids the best I can.

My head is always racing though my mood is so low I'm trying to fight it taking the dog to the park little things why does nothing make me feel better. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle I'm sitting here crying I feel like nothing is going to make me happy I'm sick of feeling like this, I hate this illness so much I just feel totally crap and useless I'm snappy and irritable and feel like a crap parent I'm finding it so hard to engage with my kids :(. My husband is one in a million for putting up with me but I think he is getting fed up he just wants his wife back , I sometimes wonder if I'm just wallowing in this bipolar depression ??? I'm scared he is going to leave me and without him I would be nothing there is no way I could cope.

I'm off work sick and have been for weeks now. I feel so bad but there is no way I could cope, it will be 9 weeks soon. I have no friends to talk to . I did some pretty dumb things when high and now some people are calling me a slag ,slut ? This upsets me so much. I find going out really difficult and this has made me a thousand times worse. I live in a little village and I'm paranoid people are talking about me. I have no family for support really my mum is in a home she has dementia and doesn't even know who I am. The phone never rings I have noone nobody :cry:. I wish I could just tell everyone I'm ill I have bipolar that wasn't me acting like that!!! I also drank alcohol lots. I'm not drinking now havent done for 8weeks since I started my meds.

I'm so scared by how this is affecting everyone especially my kids I don't want to ruin there child hoods . I have two beautiful kids a nice house a wonderful husband so why why do I feel like this ???? I just can't stop the tears today. Thank god they are at their grandparents from my husbands side. They are not really speaking to me when I was high I pawned my wedding ring had my husband thrown out I was a total bitch, I hurt so many people I'm ashamed I have said sorry and I guess its going to take time. I wish I could turn bk the clock change everything. I hate the fact my wedding ring has gone forever i feel horrible. :cry:

I can't really relax either cos my head is always racing I had this before but the depression seems worse than ever. :(. Sorry for moaning on I just need to talk to people who understand. I'm so lucky my husand took me back I treated him like dirt when I was high but he knew I was ill. This is where I'm at now please give me hope I'm going to get better or any advice on how to get through this I seem to be me me me at the moment :(. ( But its only because I feel so dreadful :cry:
 
lulubelle

lulubelle

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2010
Messages
526
Location
London
Shell, :hug::flowers:

i'm so sorry to hear you feeling like this, things will get better.

xx
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
:(Sorry I just needed to talk let my feelings out. Have been diagnosed bipolar a few weeks now I'm majorly depressed I have been put on 300mg seroquel. Everyday I try my best get out of bed do some house work cook tea try and cope with the kids the best I can.

My head is always racing though my mood is so low I'm trying to fight it taking the dog to the park little things why does nothing make me feel better. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle I'm sitting here crying I feel like nothing is going to make me happy I'm sick of feeling like this, I hate this illness so much I just feel totally crap and useless I'm snappy and irritable and feel like a crap parent I'm finding it so hard to engage with my kids :(. My husband is one in a million for putting up with me but I think he is getting fed up he just wants his wife back , I sometimes wonder if I'm just wallowing in this bipolar depression ??? I'm scared he is going to leave me and without him I would be nothing there is no way I could cope.



I'm off work sick and have been for weeks now. I feel so bad but there is no way I could cope, it will be 9 weeks soon. I have no friends to talk to . I did some pretty dumb things when high and now some people are calling me a slag ,slut ? This upsets me so much. I find going out really difficult and this has made me a thousand times worse. I live in a little village and I'm paranoid people are talking about me. I have no family for support really my mum is in a home she has dementia and doesn't even know who I am. The phone never rings I have noone nobody :cry:. I wish I could just tell everyone I'm ill I have bipolar that wasn't me acting like that!!! I also drank alcohol lots. I'm not drinking now havent done for 8weeks since I started my meds.

I'm so scared by how this is affecting everyone especially my kids I don't want to ruin there child hoods . I have two beautiful kids a nice house a wonderful husband so why why do I feel like this ???? I just can't stop the tears today. Thank god they are at their grandparents from my husbands side. They are not really speaking to me when I was high I pawned my wedding ring had my husband thrown out I was a total bitch, I hurt so many people I'm ashamed I have said sorry and I guess its going to take time. I wish I could turn bk the clock change everything. I hate the fact my wedding ring has gone forever i feel horrible. :cry:

I can't really relax either cos my head is always racing I had this before but the depression seems worse than ever. :(. Sorry for moaning on I just need to talk to people who understand. I'm so lucky my husand took me back I treated him like dirt when I was high but he knew I was ill. This is where I'm at now please give me hope I'm going to get better or any advice on how to get through this I seem to be me me me at the moment :(. ( But its only because I feel so dreadful :cry:

hey u..:) ive been called a slag and a slut dont worry about it they soon forget i dont get talked about any more and if i do its by people i couldnt care less about anyways so leave them too it... losers as far as im concerned that have nothing better to do than talk about people's lives hahaa!! silly people ayy.... you could cope on your own shell.. i do :D stay storng this will pass i promise you i know it doesnt seem like it but it will.. i was in the same boat as you 3 weeks after id been diagnosed!! its awful i know!!! :( xxxxxx
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
hi shell, sorry your feeling so bad at the mo xx
have you got a dr or cpn that you can tell how you feel? i dont know what soet of medical support your area provides, but i do know that when we have visited dd doc, and talked he said she should say something to the docs or her nurse, so meds can be altered.
your behavouir whilst high, was simply that.... you was experiencing a manic episode. end of. it carnt be changed now. but you can do your utmost to try to not put yourself in that situation again, by keeping yourself as well as possible.
i understand your head isnt in a good place at the mo, so bombarding you with ideas will confuse you.
there is im my opinion some very usefull advice on this web site under the heading of self help etc.. go to top of this page click on mental health forum then scroll down all the options youl find it.
remember you can not change the past ..its gone.. keep your mind focused on going forward, its guna be hard... you are guna have to change bad habbits and yes you may have to apologise to ppl. but remember this .. you are a person who deserves to be the best you can be, balance in your life is acheievable but will be a long road, but you can do it if you want to, little steps at a time.
keep posting, i look on here most nights and will answer you as best i can, there are lots of ppl who will give you honest views and answers,
i have a mantra when times are bad, " and This Too shall pass" its my acceptance that nothing stays the same, bad times fade, maybe to be replaced by good, im ever hopesfull, ( i have just been to Goa and had it tatood on the inside of my arm, lol im a 44 yr old gran and really souldnt be going off to india " to find myself" haha .. but i wanted it)
maybe you could find some words that help you, your own mantra???
best wishes xx
 
S

suki1066

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
105
sorry shell the above was me i didnt sign in x suki
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
hey u..:) ive been called a slag and a slut dont worry about it they soon forget i dont get talked about any more and if i do its by people i couldnt care less about anyways so leave them too it... losers as far as im concerned that have nothing better to do than talk about people's lives hahaa!! silly people ayy.... you could cope on your own shell.. i do :D stay storng this will pass i promise you i know it doesnt seem like it but it will.. i was in the same boat as you 3 weeks after id been diagnosed!! its awful i know!!! :( xxxxxx
This too shall pass oh i love it i just read this a coulpe of weeks back and it's very moving for me... all i can say is live for the best, forget the rest, yes i've done some of the most shameful things, but you have to look back on it all and accept you can't change it, and also that everything brought you to where you are today... it's easier said that done though i'm on a bit of a downer now but i can see me going up again shortly as my partner's just walked out... this too shall pass... i really hope we pull through it's ripping me i'm already exhausted as it is... xx
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
hi shell, sorry your feeling so bad at the mo xx
have you got a dr or cpn that you can tell how you feel? i dont know what soet of medical support your area provides, but i do know that when we have visited dd doc, and talked he said she should say something to the docs or her nurse, so meds can be altered.
your behavouir whilst high, was simply that.... you was experiencing a manic episode. end of. it carnt be changed now. but you can do your utmost to try to not put yourself in that situation again, by keeping yourself as well as possible.
i understand your head isnt in a good place at the mo, so bombarding you with ideas will confuse you.
there is im my opinion some very usefull advice on this web site under the heading of self help etc.. go to top of this page click on mental health forum then scroll down all the options youl find it.
remember you can not change the past ..its gone.. keep your mind focused on going forward, its guna be hard... you are guna have to change bad habbits and yes you may have to apologise to ppl. but remember this .. you are a person who deserves to be the best you can be, balance in your life is acheievable but will be a long road, but you can do it if you want to, little steps at a time.
keep posting, i look on here most nights and will answer you as best i can, there are lots of ppl who will give you honest views and answers,
i have a mantra when times are bad, " and This Too shall pass" its my acceptance that nothing stays the same, bad times fade, maybe to be replaced by good, im ever hopesfull, ( i have just been to Goa and had it tatood on the inside of my arm, lol im a 44 yr old gran and really souldnt be going off to india " to find myself" haha .. but i wanted it)
maybe you could find some words that help you, your own mantra???
best wishes xx
it was theis one i meant to quote, durr.
 
S

shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
Thanks for all your support your soo sweet I don't know how I would cope without your help and support. I'm seeing my pdoc tomorrow and saw my mhn today its nice to talk about things. I hope they will adjust my meds and help me feel a little better . Taking my daughter to get her hair cut and mine hopefully that will make me feel a little better :). xxx
 
S

shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
This too shall pass oh i love it i just read this a coulpe of weeks back and it's very moving for me... all i can say is live for the best, forget the rest, yes i've done some of the most shameful things, but you have to look back on it all and accept you can't change it, and also that everything brought you to where you are today... it's easier said that done though i'm on a bit of a downer now but i can see me going up again shortly as my partner's just walked out... this too shall pass... i really hope we pull through it's ripping me i'm already exhausted as it is... xx
I'm really sorry your partner has walked out. I hope your feeling a little better today xx
 
W

warriorprincess

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 14, 2010
Messages
1,306
Location
Cool St, Coolville
thanks shell, how are you doing? it is just the long lonely dark nights when my demons really like to come and say hey... xxx
 
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