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Can't stop the bad thoughts!

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Sunset7

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
Hi, I posted a thread last year, in the introductory category, which was obviously not the right place, but it took me a while to figure that out. Life has been very busy since and I was hoping with the recent changes I would be able to settle down and feel better. But I am now back in this pattern of recurring bad thoughts and it is really making my life miserable. I not only wake up through the night and can't stop thinking about what I should have done differently and why I didn't, I also can't concentrate properly or even enjoy a day off with my family because I see the scenes of what could have been in front of my eyes all the time instead of the real world. It's not even about anything that concerns me personally, it's about other people like my kids that I feel I have failed helping to accomplish something. I know that I did what I thought was best for them and they (my little son on this case) have already overcome the setback but I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't know why I get so upset about these things, it always feels like I have messed up and the opportunity will never come around again and I was just too stupid to handle it right. As I said, these are really usually not life-and - death decisions, and most often they are concerning others more than me. I just want to stop myself from being so upset about and obsessing over these things, it's making everything else so difficult and making me so miserable. I've tried so many different strategies and objectively I know it's me, not the little problems, it's the way I obsess about them, but I can't stop it. Looking back I always think about what I should have done differently. Anybody got advice? Thank youfor listening!
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Simplest way to move forward is discussing these images with those involved, perhaps even a apology or explanation :)
 
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Sunset7

Active member
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Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
Thank you for that suggestion! I have thought about doing this, but since the latest incident concerns my 8 year old son and he is already fine with it, I don't want him to have to mull it over again just for my sake. We talked it over before and I told him I would have done things differently had I known. The other thing is, had I done nothing at all, it would have had the same outcome and I did what I thought was best. All that still doesn't help me. Objectively, there is, I think, nothing to be so upset about. But I still can't help it. Maybe I just wanted him to achieve sth. to fulfill a need of mine? I don't know. I just want to stop the constant movie running in my head!
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Could generalising on this forum help, and please don't feel defensive, no one is judging you. Perhaps there are lessons for all of us :)
 
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Sunset7

Active member
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Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
Thank you, I don't feel judged here, I'm glad about every answer and suggestion!!
What do you mean by generalizing?
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Without giving specifics ;) I have a theory that there is generally a reason why we get things played through our minds. It seems to me that you have already adequately dealt with the issue, but perhaps there is something for others to gain by you sharing it :)
 
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Sunset7

Active member
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Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
If I have already adequately dealt with it, why do I feel so miserable?! 😩
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
What is it about these thoughts that make you miserable ;)
 
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Sunset7

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
I can't stop playing out the alternative scenario in my head, the "of I had done this and differently" - scenario. I can't stop thinking about it to the point that whole days go past without me really "being there". I get physical pains thinking about it and wrecking my brains asking myself why I didn't do things differently and being mad at myself. Over something that has almost no importance and that the affected person has already completely put past them.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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May I ask why you didn't do things differently :hug:
 
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Sunset7

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Joined
Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
This has been leading up to a one-time event for about 8 months. At first, I spaced out on it because we had big changes in our life that kept me busy, plus 3 kids, and a job. When I realized it, I did what I thought was the best course of action, but maybe I should have supported him better, or differently, or earlier. I keep telling myself that I did what I could at that stage, and he actually got a lot out of it anyways, but that doesn't help me hammering myself when I get into that state of mind. As I said, he's already over it, it has been dealt with and talked over, it's just my stupid mind tgst wouldn't stop about this ridiculous thing! Mornings are particularly bad and I'm already dreading tomorrow morning as it's getting evening here.
 
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Sunset7

Active member
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Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
Thank you OCDguy for your replies, it feels so good to have someone to write to about this! I assume you have a lot to deal with yourself, it's great you're here trying to help others!! 😍
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Deep down you seem to be beating yourself up needlessly. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, are you able to move on from it :hug:
 
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Sunset7

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
That's exactly it, I'm beating myself up (mostly) needlessly, but I seem to be unable to put it behind me and move on! I understand the theory but I still can't help it! My head just dies what it wants and I can't do anything against it!
 
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