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Can't stop ruminating

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Honour93

New member
Joined
May 17, 2015
Messages
2
I suffer from anxiety and have found that when my anxiety is at its highest it's because something has happened in my relationship such as arguments. Recently we have been arguing over snapchat I know pathetic right but anyway we both came to the decision that we would come off snapvhat because we were arguing over it all the time. Yesterday my friend told me that my partner was still on snapchat so I re downloaded it put my username password in and looked to see if he had been on to find that he had totally disappeared off my friend list which means he had blocked me I confronted him he said he hadn't been on it he didn't know how it had happend but I know he is lying I had a big row with him were I was saying he was a liar and he needed to tell me the truth and he was saying he hadn't lied he was swearing down on our unborn baby's life that he hadn't (I'm 17weeks+4) anyway we argued back and forth like that all day going round in circles so I tried to drop it and move on but my mind keeps ruminating on it .. I want to just let it go because I love him to bits but my mind keeps saying why is he lying why was I blocked why can't I let go .. It's disrupting my every day life and obviously my relationship I can't even be bothered to talk to him incase my anxiety gets worse and I don't want to see him neither I don't want it to be like this. .. The thing that is getting me the most is how it is affecting my sleep I'm suffering insomnia and my mental wellbeing can someone give me advice on the best way to drop it and move on? Like techniques or things that have worked for people ?
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Hi Honour

Welcome to the forum. :welcome:

I am sorry to hear about your arguments about snapchat. (I hadn't heard of it, had to google it!) why was it causing arguments?

I think you are going to have to resolve it with your partner, that would be the easiest way to move on. If it is causing problems between you, why can't you both be on it separately, ie join and block him? Or do you not want him to be sharing what you are excluded from? I think you have to decide what outcome you want and work towards that. Tell him how much you really love him and that you want to resolve it.

I just gave this link to someone else, you might find it useful, it is the mental health charity Mind's pages on anxiety disorders:

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-...and-panic-attacks/about-anxiety/#.VVh2u3B4WrU

They have some tips on there for dealing with anxiety.

I hope someone else may come along with more useful suggestions.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. :)

Hope you enjoy the forum and find it useful.

Best wishes, Sarah
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,585
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On a comet
Sarah a nailed it on the head, best way to deal with it is talking about it but please try not to yell and argue. In some sense if you try to let it go, it's just like sweeping something under the carpet. The issue is out of sight and out of mind but it's still there under the cover. I hope you can both resolve things, take care.
 
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Honour93

New member
Joined
May 17, 2015
Messages
2
Thanks guys I have tried to talk it through with him and he just screams and shouts and says he hasn't done anything wrong and that HE doesn't want to talk about it any more I have tried telling him how I'll it is making me and the importance of talking things through but he won't ..he said I either drop it and move on or we go on a break but either way it's not going to help with my ruminating thoughts I just wish my brain could relax or switch off I keep having panic attacks I'm really thinking about going on antidepressants to help ease the anxiety?
 
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Caro5

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Joined
Apr 3, 2015
Messages
169
Location
Too far from home
Write it all down and at least get it out of your head. Then review what you have written and decide what makes sense and what doesn't. Only you can decide how really important this current situation is. Write a list of the good and bad things about your relationship. Feelings are feelings and there are no wrong ones but we can control how we react if we work on it. Mindfulness techniques can help and also time heals. Let it lie for a while. See if you still feel so distressed in a week before you make any moves.
 
M

Michael

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Founding Member
Joined
Dec 17, 2007
Messages
2,365
Location
East Lancs
Hi
This sounds like one of those massive differences in men and woman. One that I am envious about. That is womens ability to be able to talk problems and emotions through, this is not a comfortable place for a lot of men who have been brought up not to show emotion and that action is preferable to words.
I wish I could have sat down and poured out my emotions and problems with my wife, it would have saved an awful lot of strife in the past.
It is a two way street though and that is, it is as important for women to realise this and understand this - this does not mean accept it though!
My wife has been good at finding ways around a lot of situations. One of them is letting me know that she is hurting and then not going into any further detail unless I ask. There probably are many more subtle ways she works but being a man I have not seen them lol.

Whilst we still disagree over a lot of things we are working more and more as a team. This works as I can understand the structure involved in its working. But it does have a down side in that we do not have that 'closeness' we used to have. Whether thats good or bad is really down to personalities.

Sorry no magic bullet, but I have learnt to try and appreciate the female perspective and I believe she is trying to understand the male perspective.

Michael
 
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detectivelil

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
112
I completely understand your ruminating thoughts. I have them, too.
Once they are there, i find it hard to switch my focus to anything else. Even though i wanted to stop thinking about it, i couldnt.
I tried meditation. Just some binural beats over earphones when going to sleep. I could focus on the sounds, rather than my thoughts, which helped me sleep. More sleep gave me a calmer mind the following day. The thoughts dont vanish, but i do (sometimes) find them easier to manage.

When i was pregnant, my anxiety was probably at its worst. I didnt know it was anxiety at that time though.

I hope you are feeling better soon
 
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