Can't stop crying

[SoSoSad]

I have suffered from depression off and on since I was a child due to child abuse. I also have anxiety, PTSD and phobias on top of depression out brust.

Anywho I have been mildy depressed off and on for the last 2 years because I moved towns and have not even made 1 friend since being here and have not taken any meds for. But just in the last couple of weeks I have been getting worst but I have put it down to stress in my life at the moment and feeling so lonely.

I have tryed going to couselling service which resulted making me feeling even worst off in the end so stopped going.

Tonight I can't stop crying and starting to have that I want to hurt myself feeling. I am too scare to say anything to my partner, and mental health service here in New Zealand is utter crap, so they are out of the question. I refuse to go to the doctor because their only answer is full you up on meds and sent you on ya way which I am againest for personal reason. So I amstuck in the middle of a hard place and a rock.

I don't have any family support at all and don't have any friends close by for support (they all live all over an hour away).

I find it hard to even make any new friends these days due to having phobias and trust issues. It is a pitty that these have taken over my life.

I am at a lost and no where to turn and have not got a clue what to do, I am so scared of myself right now.

Sorry about the long read, just really needed to vent. Most likely will tell my full life story at some stage.

 

[trombone_babe]

Hi, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. I'm not much good for advice in this case I'm afraid as I've always relied on meds, which as you say you have your reasons for being against. Can you not tell your partner? Chances are he will have noticed something anyway. I can relate to the loneliness, I live in the town where I was born and bred and still feel I've got no-one other than my hubby & kids.

What we can do for you though is listen, we all have a rant so don't worry about that.

If you can, try and get some exercise cos that's supposed to make you feel a bit better.

Take care

 

[doopiedoo]

You WILL get there

Dear SoSoSad,

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been having such a tough time. I like you am against meds as everyone i've tried has either made me worse or ill in another way. I've recently started on a course of seratone (i did check this with my doctor and strongly advise you do too) from my local healthfood store and it's working wonders for me.

As you'll know, seratone is a naturally occouring chemical in our brains but if we dont/cant generate enough then we feel like crap all the time and any kind of change, let alone a major one like moving towns can be practically impossible to cope with. This year I've moved house, got a new job and a new car - all great stuff but I've struggled like hell with it all - it was just too much for me and I lost the plot.

I too find it very hard to make new friends and trust people - I have two close friends who I see about once a month as they both live miles away and I'm too scared to drive on the motorway. Since starting the seratone I'm finding it easier to accept that people don't have some kind of alteriour motive for wanting to talk to me and I'm starting to get the hang of this confidence milarky.

I've joined a stress management group - to be honest I think that any kind of group would have made me feel a bit more 'normal' as you always get people from all walks of live doing classes etc. I found that if you can just make yourself try and just go to one hobby class like yoga or something, even if you walk out halfway through, it's a step and you can only say you tried. I went to a ninjitsu class where i was the only girl (did it to please my boyfriend who keeps on that i need a hobby) and I lasted 20 minutes before I ran out of the class and had a freak out in the corridoor. I felt good that I'd made it that far though.

I hope some of what I've said has been helpful and made sense and that my sharing my stuff helps you- my minds still pretty screwed at the mo, so I hope it does.