Cant stand it..

[skitzware]

First real time I've used this forum too. I generally just read the forum but this time I thought I'd post.

Anyway. For the past 5 weeks I have been sitting inside my flat, unable to go out at all except to take the dog onto the green outside to have a wee.
Unable to come into contact with other people at all for fear of what the voices will tell me to do to them.

Yes I'm scared of them, now anyway. I wasn't before now the voices were directed towards me only.

Very negative, usually telling me that I am weak, or I am this or that. That I should end it now. And I could handle that, I used to ignore them for the most part, I was on a 50meg risperidone depot every fortnight until I had a heart attack 13 weeks ago. (I'm only 47, bit young init?) The heart doc said it could have been brought on via the meds that I was on & I was on a lot too, along with smoking, diet, etc.

Then every thing stopped. All the drugs, the lot. My pdoc is scared to increase any med now, without an ECG. & I'm on 2 meg risperidone tab a day, along with 100mg sertraline for my depression. & my heart drugs.

I'm unable to do the washing up for the past 3 weeks. Its gone all furry on the kitchen top.(heh) Living on coffee and cigs.

My DLA was stopped (They recon that they haven't received my form that I sent in 4 months ago)
So I've had more stress filling out new one, foning the DLA in Blackpool, etc.

Right now my daughters are here for the weekend, (That helps in a way to try to stop me in this mood)

But the thoughts (& voices) of ending it all do not go away. Just to get some peace, thats all I ask.

 

[Danage]

I am sorry to hear about this. Voices are a scary thing, and the medication does have a lot of unwanted side-effects, which can be damaging to your body.