Can't settle in...

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lucyD

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Joined
Apr 6, 2016
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1
#1
I have moved from London to Wiltshire. There are many different reasons for this, mostly financial. even before I got her I secured myself a job which is only a step away from home.

The change from City to Country has been like being thrown into cold water and I am freaking out because I feel stranded, transport is not like it was back in town and I don't drive, so I have to rely on my husband if I am to go anywhere which isn't on the doorstep.

My biggest trouble is anxiety. It rules everything. If I have something to do tomorrow then today can be written off. Work is the worst thing, my days off are filled with stress about my time there, the very fact that I have to go fills my guts with butterflies and I've asked my husband if I can please, please quit. I know I wont.

I am taking driving lessons. But guess what? My anxiety is messing it up for me, I'm a wreck when I'm thinking about going, then this makes me a mess when I'm taking the lessons. I need to drive, I really do, there's no other way where I am. The pressure is horrible.

Yesterday I nearly left my husband. He doesn't want me to go but he doesn't understand anxiety and depression and I feel like I can't help him to deal with me.

I have changed my medication to Mirtazepine and I have Zopiclone to sleep, counselling seems pointless. I feel like the lid has slammed on the box and now I'm trapped here.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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#2
Hiya Lucy
Welcome to the forum!
Ive moved around a lot in my life and each time has left me with fear and anxiety about settling and fitting in etc.

anxiety really is awful and cripples your life. Counselling does help but with time (and there is no definitive timescale)- have you had to stop and change counsellors because of your move? How many sessions have you had? Do you discuss your anxiety when there? did they give you tasks to carry out?

Glad you have work - try and throw yourself into it. take your mind off your anxiety temporarily. Its great that you havent given up, dont let yourself, you can work through this. it just takes time and effort.
keep talking,
Fox
 
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id1brok

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Apr 17, 2016
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#3
I spent twenty years as a driving instructor, I had one pupil who was physically sick before each lesson. My advice to her was "The only rules we follow are in the Highway Code, there are no rules as to how quickly you learn and if there is anything you want to do again from your last lesson, you are the boss". Five minutes after the beginning of each lesson, she was fine, a lovely person with a great personality under the anxiety. Wiltshire is my 'next door' county, it is quiet and beautiful. Now that the spring is here, try to relax in that beauty. Of course you will miss the hustle and bustle of 'The Smoke', but life here is not really a cold water thing, I promise.
It sounds as if you have experienced CBT therapy, it is not suitable for all and I think that the added tasks that you are expected to do between sessions can make anxiety worse. I am beginning my third year of a four year training in counselling/psychotherapy, I like the 'client centred' approach, where yoou can just sit and talk about what makes you anxious, client centred means, like the driving lessons, you're the boss.
Be patient with your husband, he is probably as scared as you are.
I work voluntarily as a bereavement volunteer I know a couple of good gentle counsellors, so they are about I can't because of ethical constraints recommend but they are in the book. Look on the BACP website for your nearest one but be prepared to take a few sessions to get used to your new counsellor.