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can't seem to keep friendships going

blknbrdrline

blknbrdrline

Former member
Joined
Jan 22, 2019
Messages
24
Location
Oakland, CA, USA
My only friend I had left decided that we needed to take a break (She told me this on the 11th of this month). She reassured me that it's not because of me being too much (Which is why others have left in the past)... I'm scared that she'll never come back. I feel I'm a horrible friend because she's going through some stuff and me being me was adding to that.

I know the feeling. Two of my friendships ended the past year. It's a hard transition, especially with one of my friends because we have been talking on a regular for 21 years. She recently had her first child and got married.

I do my best to remind myself to treasure those who treasure me. When I think of my friendship ending with her I think of the quote, ...” you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge”…-Nayyirah Waheed.

She was definitely one of my favorite people, but like I said, I keep reminding myself to put my energy into those who invest in me. I know if I put myself in the right settings that I will meet the right people. It's still painful, but something I'm doing my best to accept.
 
K

Keesha

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
4,747
Location
N/A
Keeping friends is hard work.
Both sides need to know that.
You check in on each other and do coffe or ice cream every once in awhile or often.
Exactly. People sometimes forget that friendships are a two way street. It takes effort snd commitment. Not quite a marriage but the next best thing or BETTER
 
K

Keesha

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Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
4,747
Location
N/A
I know the feeling. Two of my friendships ended the past year. It's a hard transition, especially with one of my friends because we have been talking on a regular for 21 years. She recently had her first child and got married.

I do my best to remind myself to treasure those who treasure me. When I think of my friendship ending with her I think of the quote, ...” you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge”…-Nayyirah Waheed.

She was definitely one of my favorite people, but like I said, I keep reminding myself to put my energy into those who invest in me. I know if I put myself in the right settings that I will meet the right people. It's still painful, but something I'm doing my best to accept.
Thats beautiful.
Thank you! 🥰
 
bpdreamlover

bpdreamlover

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 27, 2021
Messages
53
Location
TX
That's bull. The therapist or online friends will keep you going. You deserve friends but you need to a balance and not cling. Therapy will sort that out
Yeah, I was in therapy b
I know the feeling. Two of my friendships ended the past year. It's a hard transition, especially with one of my friends because we have been talking on a regular for 21 years. She recently had her first child and got married.

I do my best to remind myself to treasure those who treasure me. When I think of my friendship ending with her I think of the quote, ...” you never ever have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge”…-Nayyirah Waheed.

She was definitely one of my favorite people, but like I said, I keep reminding myself to put my energy into those who invest in me. I know if I put myself in the right settings that I will meet the right people. It's still painful, but something I'm doing my best to accept.
Awe I love this! I hope ur doing well, I need to start reminding myself of this too.
 
B

Bobbyewing

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2021
Messages
528
Location
Dublin
I think most human beings cling to friendships way beyond their expiry point.
It's like the old quote - friendship is more tragic than love it lasts longer.
They run their course.
There are potential friendships all around you if you are open to it.
But you got to take people as they are and give them space.
There are sociable options in terms of joining clubs or night classes.
 
K

Keesha

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Apr 19, 2019
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4,747
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I didn’t realize friendship had an expiry date @Bobbyewing 🤷‍♀️ …..
 
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Bobbyewing

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Apr 9, 2021
Messages
528
Location
Dublin
Some not all. But some just finish up
 
tophat7483

tophat7483

Member
Joined
Sep 29, 2021
Messages
11
Location
N/A
I understand where you're coming from! Not sure if I have BPD but the intensity of this situation can be overwhelming. By any chance are you able to join some activities to keep you occupied? Maybe even social ones so you can make different friends? Nonetheless, best wishes to you.
 
M

morty2

Former member
Joined
Jul 25, 2021
Messages
1,544
Location
kent
Sorry but i had a friend who was too much,,if people are too exuberant,keep texting,expect to see me 2 or 3 times a week,keep phoning,are embarrassing in the street,,,,i will get you GONE!!!!. Im not saying this is YOU,,,but it may be. I had problems and she did not help,,she added and made me feel ILL!!!!!!!!. Manipulative,unemotional.
BUT,,,i dont keep long friendships maybe because of my ways. i do think you have to have chemistry in friendships and GEL with someone!!!!.
 
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Kavaris_Valiant_One

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
1,084
Location
PA
I, at one time, had friends once, a treasure trove of friends, everyone wanted to work with me at work because i was like a silly bug that got in your head and understood human things, and i guess they just liked my energy. I now have zero friends. Why? Iuno someone can explain why to me cause, i really have no clue. I can tell you how my mom (once popular prom queen, talkative, many friends) lost all of her relationships do to domestic abuse-drug fueled years. Outside of that snafu, guess you first need to have something constructive-non drug related- in common with each other. Then yous have to have a similar schedule, iuno. Theres many factors that all have to line up.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
476
Location
UK
There's two points I have on this OP:

Firstly is friendships are bloody hard! Keeping them going is a full time job in itself and some people are not as good at keeping them going as others. Many friends I have had over the years have fallen away, not because of me or them but just because life gets in the way. I have only 1 maybe 2 friends that I have known for more than a few years and we rarely see each other.

Secondly, space space space! If someone is going through a rough patch, remind them you are there and give them a little space. If you make this about you, you will inevitably piss her off and that never ends well. Offer a kind ear, contact her in a few weeks and see how she is getting on and DON'T talk about your stuff when you make contact. Reinforce the friendship by being attentive, validating and supportive. Boost her dopamine system by sending her some chocolates/flowers or something or do something nice for her. Make the link between you and nice feelings... that takes effort though.
 
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WhySoSerious

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 16, 2019
Messages
476
Location
UK
Sorry but i had a friend who was too much,,if people are too exuberant,keep texting,expect to see me 2 or 3 times a week,keep phoning,are embarrassing in the street,,,,i will get you GONE!!!!. Im not saying this is YOU,,,but it may be. I had problems and she did not help,,she added and made me feel ILL!!!!!!!!. Manipulative,unemotional.
BUT,,,i dont keep long friendships maybe because of my ways. i do think you have to have chemistry in friendships and GEL with someone!!!!.

I concur with this sentiment. Most people (from my experience) do NOT want drama and hassle in their lives. If you are constantly on the phone, texting, demanding, talking about how shit your life is etc it inevitably burns people out. The key here is to calm TF down. Less is definitely more in more friendships.
 
DLS

DLS

Member
Joined
Sep 19, 2021
Messages
13
Location
victoria bc
sounds fun DLS. right now my wife is my best friend, but we both want and need others to socialise with. i miss having friends. i had a few good friends a long time ago, i think we all need that.
Have you watched the grimmlifecollective on YouTube? They are my favorite couple, Jessica & Michael, they now live in Los Angeles & make videos of them visiting Disneyland theme parks & places, they have live movie party night streams once a week on there channel. They are adored by many other couples, & they actually do meet & greats with fans as they travel around the U.S announcing what event they will be attending in what city. I lost my bestfriend/girlfriend 2 years ago, she passed away peacefully in ICU, & watching grimmlife & engaging on live chat reminds me of togetherness. I feel like they are my friends. Here's a link to one of their latest adventures: It may not be immediate guest to hang out with, but while you guys are waiting for some good friendship, I promise these two will make you smile
A Conjuring Themed Night Market - The Witches Brew 4K: A Conjuring Themed Night Market - The Witches Brew 4K - YouTube
 
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