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can't seem to get over what my ex did to me

althera

althera

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 24, 2012
Messages
50
We were together for nearly a year, I was beginning to feel him becoming very distant, he wouldn't stay over when he came to visit, he had a busy job but was never making time for us to do stuff together as he was either at the pub or football matches at the weekends. One weekend I decided to myself that we would need to have a talk, see if we both wanted to make a go of it or just go our separate ways. I asked him if he wanted to go to the cinema then I planned to have the talk after we got back to mine (I didn't tell him I planned any form of talk just about the cinema) he agreed, I asked him what time suits and that I had booked the tickets. His reply was 'cool'. Well the next day he never showed up, never text me, never called me. I was sat in my house like a lemon waiting for him. Everytime a car drove past I felt sick to my stomach as I was dreading him arriving. In the end I ran out my house and into my car and just drove, I had no idea where I was going I needed out my house. I was in floods of tears by this point as all my emotions that i had held in for the past few weeks finally hit me. 3 hours after he was suppose to have came to mine he still had not shown up or contacted me in any way. Later that I night I had to text him that it was over, i couldn't do it anymore. I was constantly on egg shells too as he was a massive football supporter and he'd get into a bad mood when his team lost which was every week. I just told him that I had planned to have a talk to see if we both wanted to try make this work but he had made the decision for me by not bothering to turn up or contacting me. I never did hear back from him. To be with someone who told me he loved me for that length of time to be suddenly just cut out their life was horrible for me. a month later he had moved on to someone else, which I suppose gave me some form of closure but not fully. It annoys that it still plays on my mind what the hell happened that day that made him not come through, not text me or phone me. It was as if he was goading me into breaking up with him so he could play the victim as he gave me a sob story how his previous girlfriend dumped him over text message then deleted him off facebook when he got into a relationship with me a month later. Funnily I got deleted off his facebook as soon as he got into his new relationship so chances are he did the same with his ex and has told people I did the same as she did. Deleted him in a huff.

As you can tell if any of yous read all that it plays on my mind a lot. I am a good, kind person. I don't hurt people or bring them down in and I hate the thought of being portrayed the same way his ex before me was portrayed to me. I know he is better out my life as he was very toxic to me, I felt controlled and uneasy around him towards the end due to his persistent bad mood down the football results. He never once introduced me to his parents even though one night I drove him home (he lived with them) after we'd been together 3 months and suggested I pop in to say hello so they didn't think I was rude by dropping him off and leaving. They knew about me but never met me and most importantly he never told them I had a daughter. He said that he would tell them eventually, that he didn't want them worrying that he'd be lumbered with a child even though she has a dad that she sees every weekend. I asked him 3 times in total if he'd told them and then gave up because I knew he would never do it, it was like she was a dirty little secret and I have learned from that. If someones parents cannot accept I have a child from a 6 year long relationship and that person cannot bring themselves to tell said parents then they can get lost, I refuse to have that person in my life. My only thing I am thankful for is I kept him and her separate, we went bowling a couple of times, had lunch out too but in the entire year we were together he was around her 5 times so at least she isn't like 'oh where did he go?'

Like I said before I hate that this still bothers me from time to time. I know with time it'll go away but come on, wish it'd go away now! :rolleyes: Obviously my mental health has took a beating of late, on top of that I was diagnosed 3 weeks after his no show with a condition that I will not recover from and has left me needing walking aids constantly. A huge part of me is glad he wasn't around for that as I didn't need his negative attitude near me back then as I was doing a great job of being negative myself. IN the months towards the end I was starting to get ill and he would always roll his eyes, say it wasn't as bad as I was making out and made me feel like crap tbh.

I don't even know why I've posted it, its long and probably boring but I guess I needed to write it out, get part of it out my system.
 
Beergardenweather

Beergardenweather

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 5, 2015
Messages
435
Location
Uk
Hi.very similar thing happened to me. Sent you a PM.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 2, 2012
Messages
7,060
Location
Teesside
Hey
sorry to hear your in so much pain. A breakup is so painful and yes you do think you will never get over it but you will. It just takes ages!i wish there was a timescale but there isnt. You will heal eventually.

Its good to talk and rant it gets it out of your system. So never apologise! You knew the time was up for your relationship shame your bf didnt have the balls to discuss it with you.

Keep talking
hugs
fox
 
B

blue_fox

Active member
Joined
Mar 26, 2016
Messages
27
I think it is normal to take years to get over a relationship or at least for it to fade it into the background. Holding on to a little bit of hurt helps stop you make the same decisions.
It is so hard I know when you can SEE the truth but not FEEL it. Xx
 
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